On September 12, Joey Lawrence makes his Dancing with the Stars debut on ABC. Meaning that our lifelong fantasy of seeing Joey from Blossom and A.C. Slater face off against each other in a battle of suggestive thrusting will finally be realized. Check out this insane 80’s-style clip, where a Danza-like Joey interviews the Olsen twins — still only 6 and as sexy as ever — who fight over who Joey should go out with. It’s refreshing to see the girls in their natural dead-eyed state, verses their current sunglassed, gypsy-clad one.
- Have you always sort of enjoyed Outkast’s modern classic “Hey Ya!”, but felt that the song could really use a more mellowed-out easy-listening feel-good vibe? Well you’re in luck hippies, because MyExBestFriend has an acoustic cover that will make you wanna pour some chamomile tea and hum along with the groovy groove.
- Speaking of hippies, Pitchfork recently compiled a list of the 200 greatest songs from the 60’s and Blogs Are For Dogs actually posted mp3’s for every single one of them. So put that in your pipes and smoke it.
- Jed and Lucia wouldn’t have been too out of place at Woodstock had they even been born yet, but as such, you’re more likely to find them at Coachella – and at Berkeley Place.
- I’ve always thought Arcade Fire was the indie rock equivalent of the Grateful Dead, and their live Bowie cover over at Music For Kids Who Can’t Read Good is pretty far out…man.
- With their bearded faces, hippie-dippy band name, and feel-good folk rock tunes, Brothers and Sisters seem like the perfect conclusion to this little tribute to the “peace and love” side of rock & roll – grab a couple of their amazing songs over at MOKB.
Today’s the day you’ve all been waiting for; today Paris Hilton’s album, creatively titled Paris, drops. The question is, will you pick it up? We here at BWE want to help you with your decision, so we’ve compiled a comprehensive Pro/Con list of why you Should/Shouldn’t go out and by the greatest album (by a celebrity with absolutely no discernable skills) ever!
The Album Cover
PRO:Paris looks bored and her legs are spread wide open, making this the perfect companion piece to One Night in Paris.
CON: The album costs $12.97 on Amazon. Googling “Paris + Spread Eagle” and finding much, much better pictures than this one costs you nothing but your pride.
The High Comedy
PRO: Breaking out Paris is guaranteed to elicit a few loud laughs from your friends. Listening to it will result in even more. Singing along and choreographing dances to it… wow. The possibilities are endless.
CON: The fear that your friends won’t actually believe you that you bought it as a joke. Especially when they catch you listening to it alone on your iPod.
Jail can be a pretty boring place, which explains Michael Lohan’s bizarre foray into satirical cartooning. Sitting helplessly in his cell, Lindsay Lohan’s daddy must rely on the power of his mighty pen if he hopes to protect his baby girl from the assorted evils of Hollywood stardom. As the complex imagery found in this allegorical cartoon might be confusing to the untrained eye, we have employed our expert celebrity deciphering skills to more clearly explain exactly what it is Papa Lohan is trying to say.
1. Lindsay: Beloved daughter, troubled starlet, innocent victim.
2. Michael: The well-meaning father who’s been torn apart from the mega-star daughter he’s always loved since she became famous. Every time he’s within reach of her (and her fortune), he’s ripped away by the brutish prison guards, who also represent the oppressive power of the authoritarian government under which he so suffers.
3. Dina: Lindsay’s selfish, gold-digging, whoring, manipulative, utterly evil excuse for a mother.
4. Brandon Davis: His taunts of “firecrotch” booming down from the heavens of Hyde nightclub like a terrible thunder.
Some new pictures surfaced of our favorite dad Hulk Hogan catching some rays with his mighty Kong fists by the pool. We were going to post them in their entirety, but they accidentally got mixed up with some Orc photos we had from the Lord of the Rings sleepover party we’re planning. Can you help us figure out which is which? Thank you!
1. HULK OR ORC?
2. ORC? NO — HULK, RIGHT?
- Who knew that Matt Lauer was packing all that twisted steel and sex appeal under his tasteful blazer and khakis? Who you callin’ glib now, b*tch?
- Hulk Hogan in a thong at the beach might just be the scariest thing I have ever seen. One glimpse at this and you’ll need to gaze at Matt Lauer’s toned physique for hours just to feel normal again.
- Legitimate rappers seem to be surprisingly apathetic towards K-Fed and his hip-hopping exploits. They must’ve missed his totally gangsta, earth-shattering performance at the Teen Choice Awards.
- Chris Daughtry’s surprising early dismissal from American Idol was voted as the best TV moment of the past season, which he’s totally stoked about, since being a reality show plot twist pays so much money. Sometimes there’s only one set of footprints in the sand.
- The members of Isis, the band opening up for Tool on their latest tour, say they’re “ready to be booed by meatheads”. Guess those guys in Tool can be pretty tough on the newbies.
It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, August 21st! Shea Hess is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including Prison Break, Treasure Hunters, and Vanishing!
- MAN BITES DOG: Some dude is suing Dog the Bounty Hunter for being wrongfully pegged as a fugitive. Personally, I think one should be careful about suing a man who calls himself “Dog” and dresses like Mad Max. (E! Online)
- SELF-CRITICISM: Paris Hilton gave her own album a glowing review. Hmm, a positive review for Paris’ album? Someone at the label must have put her on the payroll. (Yahoo!)
- SCORNED DRUG: According to Cocaine, “When This Meth Thing Blows Over, You’ll Come Crawling Back”. (The Onion)
- PRE-NUPPED UP: In her battle for the fortune she married Paul McCartney to steal, Heather Mills is now filming a video diary of their divorce, which she threatens to turn into a reality show should her settlement demands not be met. I think this sends an inspiring message to all disabled people, proving that being handicapped even can’t stop someone from being the very best Golddigging succubi the world has ever known! (A Socialite’s Life)
- HAIK-VIEW: In preparation for the apocalyptic morning show meltdown that will inevitably occur when she joins the estrogen orgy at The View, Rosie O’Donnell is already coping with her co-hosting concerns in the form of bizarre, incoherent prose on her personal blog. I seriously recommend giving the old TiVo a tune-up. (Us Weekly)
- FEAR FACTOR: People are saying Clay Aiken chose to limit his appearance on Good Morning America to a musical performance because he wanted to avoid discussing homosexuality rumors, but we think Diane Sawyer refused to interview him out of fear for her life. We know better than anyone that those Claymates don’t f*ck around. (Page Six)
Comedian Dane Cook took a break from being unfunny on HBO’s Tourgasm to be unfunny and, well, downright creepy during last night’s Teen Choice Awards. There’s something about a 34-year-old comic making explicit sex jokes in a room full of Hilary Duff fans that would even make John Mark Karr squirm. I’m just sayin.’
So check out the clip now to see Dane act like your creepy uncle that your parents won’t leave you alone with. Awkward Micha Barton anorexia joke sold separately.
It’s Monday, so you know what that means: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are probably off fighting in some mirrored room somewhere. Angelina is said to be in a deep post-natal depression, and is feeling the strain of her mother’s illness and the constant media attention. Many in Hollywood, no doubt worlds less attractive than either of them, are speculating that the relationship won’t see the end of the year. But we think that’s impossible. Why, you ask?
Because. If the two BEST LOOKING PEOPLE IN THE WORLD cannot make it work — WHO CAN, I ASK YOU? Nobody, that’s who. Take my word for it: If Brangelina falls through, I will completely give up on myself physically. I will bathe in Ben and Jerry’s, wash my face with Hershey’s chocolate syrup, wear entire hams for shoes, and the skin of the poor as a dress. Because, simply put, looks will cease to matter. Take a moment and think about these ramifications, while I nervously nibble on a 10-calorie dessert in anticipation.