OK, the whole cuteness thing has been played out, sure. But don’t file this item under “cute” — file it under “kick ass.” A police department in Chardon, Ohio has trained a 6-pound chihuahua to sniff out adorable, cuddly drugs! The tiny pup, Midge, is such a local celebrity, he was even the Grand Marshall of a local parade! (Pause for hysterical crying.) First of all, God bless the person who took the time to make a 4-inch long kevlar vest for this lil lady. Logic tells us that a chihuahua would make a great drug sniffing dog. What other animal could burrow itself so thoroughly in one’s luggage — only to discover one single, tiny tiny ecstasy pill placed in a golden locket. How do they carry Midge around? Do they strap her to the back of a huge German shephard like the Space Shuttle, deploying her when a sketchy looking nook or cranny is in the area? Here is what we do know: We would spoon the hellll out of this little munchkin, assuming we remembered to leave our black-tar heroin in the car.
- After he conquers the music industry, K-Fed wants to break into the movie business. Either as a ticket taker or a projectionist, depending on who’s hiring.
- Pamela Anderson is launching a line of ethical hair products for people and their pets. Though it’s unclear which category Kid Rock falls under.
- Marie Osmand was hospitalized after having a bad reaction to medication– not because of a failed suicide attempt. So basically it’s a little bit country, not so much rock and roll.
- Star Jones is not getting divorced. Sorry guys.
- Bruce Willis has signed on to make a 4th Die Hard movie. Tentative title: Die Hard w/ A Senior’s Discount.
Alan was all set to tape the best of all best nights ever, but the power went out in Queens and instead, he spent the night baking in million-degree heat. So you get some highlights, except for Project Runway, which is totally getting a post of its own.
- YOU GOT SERVED: You got served, Mel Gibson. No, literally, you were served with legal papers. (Smoking Gun)
- SPEAKING OF MEL: From Hunk To Drunk. Creepy. (US Weekly)
- LESSON LEARNED: Jessica Simpson learned that if you wear a see-through blue shirt w/o a bra, people are going to take pictures of you in a see-through blue shirt w/o a bra. (Egotastic)
- SOFTWARE: Microsoft’s new Voice Recognition software looks like it’s going to be… well, another s**tty Microsoft product. (Blog NYC)
- NON-HEAT RELATED MELTDOWN: Elizabeth Hasselbeck straight-up lost her s**t today. I’d love to help her find it. (Gawker)
- Stereogum reaches down from the indie rock heavens to give As Tall As Lions his divine blessing of being “a band to watch”.
- Awesomely-named blog Dirtybronson drops off the latest Beck track along with the corresponding music video from Scientology’s coolest space cadet.
- ThaBombShelter yells “incoming!” on “Like a Pen”, the latest cut from blog-darlings The Knife. You know, I really should invent a pen that is also a knife. Dammit.
- Aquarium Drunkard, clearly still drowning his sorrows in booze and sad songs, has two versions of the same melancholy tune from Bonnie “Prince” Billy and Johnny “Motherf*cking” Cash – try to decide which one makes you more suicidally depressed.
- Snow-Globe Universe seems to like Tap Tap and their song “100,000 Thoughts”, but also thinks that about 99,999 of those thoughts were about how much the band loves Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! and how awesome it would be to sound like them.
Going an entire summer without The Office would have been too much to deal with. Thankfully they’re airing webisodes over at NBC.com to keep us updated on our favorite Pennsylvanian office staff all summer long. Kevin and Angela took a sick day and snuck over to Best Week Ever to guide us through what’s SFW and what’s NSFW via a handy instructional video. So check it out… and make sure you take notes.
People, look at your clocks. There are less than five hours until Project Runway throws their first contestant off, ever! And you know what that means? Six hours of wild, baseless speculation until we know what happens for sure! Of course, most people are praying that Jude Kinnear gets thrown off, and his odds and nosejob are looking good. But this is it — one last guess — and we want to make it as random as poss. Hence the theory mentioned in today’s Entertainment Weekly blog, Popwatch. They believe that the CTOBASBKTG (Contestant Throw Off By A Stern But Kind Tim Gunn) is Angela. For God’s sake, the girl can’t draw OR sew — and it’s a reality show ABOUT SEWING. They feel that Angela grabbed the mini-bubble skirt from her own closet (since she literally wears one each and every week) and used it in the runway competition. While this is certainly the most far-fetched theory, and while we don’t believe it for a second, it gives us a certain joy to picture Angela’s stupid, boring face off the Runway for good. And we can only really do that for about 5 more hours, so let us have it.
Ask him about prison torture, the gas crisis, escalating violence in the Middle East or long division, and George W. Bush will mumble some mispronounced catchphrases and give you a blank stare that is part confusion, part resentment and a lot of sheer terror. But if you ask him what he thinks about Braveheart getting busted for boozin’ on the road, suddenly the guy is cracking one-liners like he’s Conan O’Brien. Of course he still manages to dodge the question of Mel’s guilt or innocence, but that’s just what he does – and something tells me he’s seen The Passion of the Christ more than once. Also, have you noticed how all Bush’s attempts at levity with the press end up being more awkward than having Mel Gibson over for Passover?
Sure it’s Shark Week, but who cares? It also happens to be The Summer of The Hoff so there’s no way you should miss America’s Got Talent tonight. According to The Hoff’s blog, he’s amazed by how many of the acts have improved throughout the duration of the show. And if THE HOFF is amazed, you know that some amazing s**t is going down.
Also on tonight, another installment of Stephen King’s Nightmares & Dreamscapes and an all new episode of So You Think You Can Dance? So what are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!
To many people, Jon Stewart is a lot of things: Brilliant, Hilarious, Adorable, Causer of All Wars. (See this clip for further proof.) But to a small group of New Yorkers, Jon Stewart is the ultimate thing: God. The Idol Chatter blog spotted a group of enthusiasts sporting long white robes and signs informing us heathens that “Jon Stewart Is God.” The zealots (who call themselves the “Jonsons”) are backed up by a water-tight argument: Jon Stewart “is not a man because no man can be consistently that funny. He is not an animal because he is way too articulate. He is not a plant because… well… he moves too fast.”
We sincerely hope that these people are not joking — the more we think about this religion, the more we begin to believe. And look at their conviction! They even rounded up a sub-par college a capella group (aren’t they all?) to record the soon-to-be hit song, with the surprisingly titled “Jon Stewart is God.” T minus 3 hours til “WWJSD?” shirts hit the market — and no, these do not count.