The President’s New Speechwriters

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With this week’s big staff shake-up at the White House, President Bush might be on the look-out for  some new speechwriters.  Judging by the work of these elementary students, whose presidential speeches are read (hilariously) by a professional Bush impersonator, Bush might actually benefit from getting some…younger blood into the Oval Office. 

(via Waxy)

MAZEL TOV! Top 5 Best Bar/Bat Mitvahs Ever

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Yesterday, Will Smith visited Jerusalem’s Western Wall and crashed Atir Cohen’s passage from boy to man. While to 13 year old Cohen who got to take a picture with Smith after he rolled up his Torah, it was the best bar mitzvah ever. Which got us thinking what are some of the best bar mitzvah’s ever? Here’s a list of our top five:

5. Sasha Dominguez, rented a Ferrari Spider, a hummer and a jet ski and filmed 27 hours of a Mission Impossible-inspired movie about her Bat Mitzvah. 

4. Sarah Gold, Ari Gold’s daughter in the HBO show Entourage, had a lavish Beverly Hills style event with hot superstar guests like Vincent Chase (who Sarah even got to dance with!) But the best part was garnering nominal affection from her dad.

Read more…

While You Were Working For the Weekend

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  • Jolie_2Bored with buying children from exotic countries, Angelina Jolie has decided to purchase an exotic country of her own, and presumably all the children in it.  First law: weird names and mohawks are mandatory!
  • Austria is releasing an official postage stamp bearing the face of supermodel Naomi Campbell.  The image depicts Cambell standing triumphantly atop a vanquished assistant, holding a bloody cell phone to the sky.
  • Police are looking for a con artist who also happens to be the brother of Eva Mendes.  Finally, I understand how she was able to con the whole world into thinking she’s talented.
  • According to their "official" website, The Smashing Pumpkins have "officially" reunited.  Too bad I "offically" stopped caring about 8 years ago.
  • An actor who plays a terrorist hijacker in the 9/11 film United 93 was refused entry into the US to attend the film’s premiere.  Apparently Homeland Security was concerned he might be a "method actor". 
  • John Milton’s epic poem Paradise Lost is going to be adapted into a film.  And across the nature, crusty old high school English teachers rejoice!

SJP Tries To Get Cynthia Nixon Off

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Ruth Buzzy Sarah Jessica Parker reunited with her old Sex and the City co-star Cynthia Nixon (who happens to be, as you know, into the same sex… and the city.) Continuing on with her role as Carrie, the ultimate c-tease, it looks like SJP is doing her best to work Cynthia up to a frenzy in these pictures. Whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Comforting her with a gentle hand hold. Reminding her what a big, phallic nose is capable of. And then leaving her all hot and bothered as she goes home to cuddle with Ferris Bueller. But that’s just Carrie being Carrie. Bitch.

SIZZLER: Kidman Congratulates Katie, Ignores Tom

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The actress sent her best wishes to both Katie and baby Suri yeasterday.Kidman2_1 "I hope both mother and baby are doing well," said Nicole Kidman through her publicist. Is she forgetting anyone? Oh yeah, Brooke Shields and her lovely husband Chris Henchy, whoops and Gina Lee Nolin, can’t forget Gina.

Okay, Okay and Gwenyth too.

…OF THE DAY

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FERGIE INTERPRETATION: Lisa Rinna’s reported "newly inflated lips"  make her look like the Black Eyed Peas’ Fergie or someone having a severe allergic reaction.(Celebrity Terrorist)

PANIC ATTACK: If there’s ever a time to keep your sh*t together, it’s when you’re on The Price is Right. Unfortunately, this woman didn’t get the memo. (Daily Sixer)

LOW BUDGET PR : Trishelle Canatella’s reality pal Katie Doyle denies on her myspace blog that Canatella and Adam Duritz are a couple and confirms they are in fact friends. (Katie’s Myspace Blog)

CROSSED LINE: According to TMZ’s recent paparazzi footage, Jessica Simpson thinks photographing her at Whole Foods is just going too far. The singer told cameramen, ""It’s Whole Foods guys… That’s not cool." (TMZ)

SAVORY AFTERBIRTH: You’ve pictured it mentally, but now you can actually see Tom Cruise eat copious amounts of afterbirth.  (Wow Report)

Goodbye Gilmore Girls, Hello Heartbreak

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So the big news is that The Gilmore Girls is nearing it’s last season, as the show’s creators have jumped ship. I personally never really liked the show, but I find myself distraught over the news. Mainly, because I have a feeling Gilmore fans are very co-dependant and will not take this information lightly.

No question, among the Gilmore community, there will be a lot tears, a lot of blame foisted on ex-boyfriends, plenty of Wiccan pray circles, an unhealthy amount of chocolate cake, mandatory book club meetings, plenty of aromatherapy, and nonstop Build-a-Bear workshops.

You are such a strong group of people and you’ve been through so much together, from Rory’s rebellion to Lorelai’s rollercoaster relationship. But you’ve managed to pull through with all the wit and candor of a personalized pillow. The hard truth is that there will never be another show set in a quaint B&B town, filled with pleasantly plump people and a mother daughter duo who’s banter can only be stopped with a fying pan to the skull. No they were one of a kind. But they’re not Gilmore Girls anymore, they’re Gilmore Women and you need to let them go. Believe me, their spirit will live on in the souls of shows like The Ghost Whisperer, Beautiful People and Starting Over. And those shows will never get canceled.