SIZZLER: Tom’s Poll is Bent

by

Linktomcruise_1 According to the New York Post, Tom Cruise’s people skewed the results of a recent poll on Parade.com in his favor.

"Parade.com recently asked online readers whether they thought Cruise was responsible for his disastrous public relations year or if it was the media’s fault. A shocking 84 percent of respondents blamed the press. But Parade publicist Alexis Collado tells us: "We at Parade found this a little bit fishy, so we did some investigating. We found out more than 14,000 (of the 18,000-plus votes) that came in were cast from only 10 computers!" pole

Now the magazine thinks Tom’s people built a computer program that skewed the votes, and we feel really bad about that. We were only trying to help the poor guy who’s been a victim of the vicious media . We won’t do it again. 

GAMES: It’s Time To Make The Donuts

by

Dunkin
Dunkin Donuts– yeah, the place where the single guy in your office buys the Munchkins when he’s supposed to bake something for a pot luck dinner– is more than just a convenient place to buy coffee (that isn’t Starbucks.) It’s a one-stop shop for coffee lovers… and really bored people at work… on the web, too!

Dunkin has just launched a new mini-site called D Stop, where they have cartoons, videos, e-cards, quizzes, and contests to win Dunkin Donut gift cards. Sign up to win one today (then pass it off to that guy you don’t like in an effort to make him fat before summer.) Head on over and have fun… well, as much fun as you could have on a site with a "Gesture Memory Test." Good luck. [link via AdRants]

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

by

  • Slow_press1Pour yourself a Daily Refill and be the first kid on your block to hear the amazing song "Lighthouse" from Slowlands before the inevitable buzz catches up with them. Stream the rest of their music at their website.
  • The Sixeyes Sixpack has some new stuff from indie buzzbands Museum Pieces and Figurines.
  • EC, EU has posted a couple really nice songs from Josh "No Relation to John" Ritter.
  • MOKB posts a veritable treasure trove of Woxy Lounge Sets, featuring live and acoustic performances from bands like Editors, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Voxtrot
  • The Air Strange previews a couple new songs from the next album from Arcade Fire string section’s side project, Final Fantasy.
  • What Noisy Cats Are We has some highly-recommended stuff from newcomers Division Day

Melissa Etheridge’s Babby Daddy Mystery

by

Etheridge Rockin’ lesbian singer Melissa Etheridge and her wife, actress Tammy Lynn Michaels, are expecting twins! That’s right, Etheridge has gone and got another girl pregnant. She already has two children from a previous relationship with another woman. In fact, you may remember who Etheridge chose as the sperm donor for the first two: David Crosby.

We think there’s no better choice for sperm donor than an overweight, recovering drug addict with a permanent handlebar mustache. So who did Tammy and Melissa choose to top Crosby as the father of their twins?

Here are our top three guesses as to who they chose as sperm donor:

  1. Pete Doherty: If they’re looking for an addict, he’s their man.  I mean Doherty’s heroin addiction makes Crosby look like he likes the occasional  white wine spritzer . 
  2. Bruce Villanche: If they’re looking for fat guy with facial hair, look no further. Villanche grows a great beard and is twice the size of Crosby but half the man. And what a joker!
  3. Kevin Federline: The sensible choice. If anyone can impregnate a woman with two babies in one shot, it’s him.

Now it’s your turn: who do you think is Etheridge’s sperm donor?

Give the Mets an inch…

by

Mets
And they’ll record a crappy rap song. Following in the tradition of the ’85 Chicago Bears "Superbowl Shuffle," the NY Mets unveiled a new theme song last night titled "Our Team, Our Time." Yes, the Mets have the best record in baseball right now… but it’s April. Shouldn’t you hold off on the awkwardly 80′s rap where you rhyme "Pedro Martinez will strike you out" with "he’s throwing heat, No Doubt!" until the playoffs? Maybe I’m just a traditionalist, I don’t know.

Listen to the new NY Mets song right here. Yeah, it’s bad, but at least nobody on the team is responsible (you can’t say the same for those ’85 Bears)… and at least it’s still better than anything K-Fed’s come up with.

While You Were Looking For a Good Placenta Recipe

by

  • MisscleoJennifer Aniston called into Monday’s episode of Oprah to address rumors about her and Vince Vaughn’s
    imminent wedding.  Aniston confused viewers when she kept referring to Oprah as "Miss
    Cleo", and repeatedly demanded to know whether or not "this one really loves me".
  • Kevin Federline says he loves his ‘pimp image’.  You know, nothing says "pimp" quite like asking permission to use the ATM card so you can run out to buy more Pampers. 
  • Paris Hilton has announced her new line of mobile phone video games.  Sources are saying one of the games is just like Super Mario Bros, except instead of saving the Princess at the end of the level, you videotape yourself f**king her. 
  • The bodyguard in charge of Brangelina’s Birth Fortress of Solitude has told the press that if he catches any paparazzi taking pictures, he’ll put them into the hospital.  Sounds like somebody forgot the first rule of Fight Club.
  • Michael Jackson’s latest child molestation case has been dismissed.  For those of you keeping score, that’s Michael Jackson: 82, molested children: 0. 

Scarlett Johansson in a Bikini

by

I’m just going to shut up and let you enjoy these. The words "Scarlett Johansson in a bikini" may be the only ones I like more than "Snakes on a Plane." Maybe.

Thank you BlogNYC. Seriously, thanks. Oh, by the way, the dude in the second picture is Scarlett’s boyfriend Josh Hartnett, star of Pearl Harbor, 40 Days & 40 Nights, Hollywood Homicide and Wicker Park. Sometimes life isn’t fair.

UPDATE: Here’s another phrase I had the pleasure of hearing today– "take the Scarlett Johansson pictures down." Interesting. Well, they’re gone. But if you really want to see them, I’d advise you head over to:

  • Egotastic
  • A Socialite’s Life
  • Pink Is The New Blog
  • D-Listed
  • Celebutaint
  • Dana’s Dirt
  • The Superficial
  • I Don’t Like You In That Way

Honestly, the list is endless. Happy hunting!

The Cruise Quote of The Day

by

Tom_cruise_placenta In an effort to further endear himself to the American public, Tom wants to paint a prettier image of the upcoming birth of his baby Tomkat. Now, we all know that Katie will give birth in silence, but the question was "What’s Tom going to do during/after labor?" Well, now we know:

"I’m gonna eat the placenta, too.

I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I’m going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.”

Next up– Tom’s plan to start eating brains, like the trained freaky horror-movie zombie he is.

In the meantime, Viceland has a couple of reciples for placenta that Tom can check out. I can’t wait to see him on Celebrity Cooking Showdown!

SIZZLER: Brangelina’s Bodyguards Threaten Photogs

by

Pitt We mentioned yesterday that Angelina and Brad’s bodyguards were getting tough in Namibia, in order to ensure a private birth for the superstar couple.

Today, their security boss Mick Brett has issued a statement If I find anyone getting a picture of Jolie I will f*cking smash someone to pieces…I’m not joking. I’ll f*cking put someone in the hospital. Tell your friends."

Isn’t having a baby the most magical, wondrous experience in your life?