The Friday Five!

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We skipped out on it last week, but you guys know the drill – every Friday we like to take a cold, hard look at exactly what happens when people press "shuffle" on their iPods.  This week over at The Onion AV Club, they get into the iPod – and the mind – of hilarious writer/comedian/Daily Show personality John Hodgman.  As we’re but a small comedy outpost and don’t have access to big stars like that, we’re gonna see just how cool the library of Gothamist music writer and tastemaker Jen Carlson really is.

Bottle of Blues, Beck
Blackout, British Sea Power
I Know There’s An Answer, The Beach Boys
I Think I Smell A Rat, The White Stripes
Hot Winter’s Day, Prefuse 73

Pretty cool indeed!  As always, post the first five songs from your own shuffles in the comments section!

While You Were Trying To Sneak Out of Work Early

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  • Pink
    MI3′
    s J.J. Abrams is set to produce and direct the next Star Trek movie. Something about working with Tom Cruise got him in the mood for more aliens.
  • Pete Doherty has been released on bail following yesterday’s arrest for possession of Class-A drugs. Just to save time, let me be the first one to report this: Pete Doherty has been arrested again for possession of Class-A drugs.
  • Nick Lachey re-enacts his split with Jessica in his new music video. But not for publicity, it’s totally just a way to work things out in his head. Definitely not for publicity. Definitely not for publicity.
  • Robin Williams is not gay. In fact, he tells GQ magazine that he’s "a big fan of the puss. Always addicted to puss." Suddenly Mrs. Doubtfire just got a whole lot creepier.
  • Pink says she’s so in love her with her husband that he could pee in his hand and give it to her and she’d still think it was a masterpiece. It’d have to be if he was able to hand it to her, don’t you think?
  • 73% of people would not let their children play with Britney & Kevin’s baby. The other 27%? Celebrities.

Survivor’s Shane has a Crazy Idea

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If you watched Survivor: Exile Island last night, you probably think, Shane Powers is going crazy. In last night’s episode, Shane threatens to kill one of his competitors  and in the previews for next week, he calls a piece of a wood his Blackberry and claims he’s communicating with people "not on this island."

But in case you’re worried, Shane’s doing just fine. In fact he’s never been better, now that he’s conceived of a way to get free publicity advice from fans. Powers, a former actor, is now trying to be an icon, with the help of a contest on his website that solicits fans to "conceive, write, photograph, video and document a marketing campaign for "Got Shane?" The Survivor contestant is already selling t-shirts with the milk Shane campaign slogan, but it seems that Powers is planning a major media blitz in an attempt to segueway his reality show appearance into a full fledged career.

According to his website "All submitted material will be reviewed and judged by a special panel appointed by Shane Powers, and Shane himself." We’re not sure how he’s selecting the panel, but we’re certain there’s at least one house pet on board. And the grand prize for being Shane Power’s publicity director? You get your submission displayed on (drum roll) www.shanepowers.com. I’ll admit it’s so crazy it just might work. Oh wait, I was talking about the wooden blackberry.

A Eulogy In Remembrance of Celebrity Cooking Showdown

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Ah Celebrity Cooking Showdown, how we hardly knew you.  You showed so much promise, with your seemingly perfect recipe for success: One part Iron Chef rip-off, one part B-list celebs displaying how inadequate they are at anything other than being on TV, one part host Alan Thicke’s rambling, scotch-soaked commentary, and of course the secret ingredient: the fact that, until now, America has proven to LOVE watching almost any mundane activity if it’s "With the Stars!".  So what went wrong? 

If I had to guess, I would say that it has something to do with the fact that even someone with the most inept culinary abilities could recognize that watching famous chefs hand-hold frenzied "stars" as they run around the stage bumbling their way through the preparation of fairly simple meals is not only boring, but also pretty pointless.  Who cares if some daytime soap star can put together a pot roast with Wolfgang Puck walking her through the whole thing?  Considering the fact that NBC pulled last night’s final episode and replaced with re-runs of Will & Grace and My Name Is Earl, the answer is pretty obvious. 

Celebrity Cooking Showdown, you will certainly be forgotten, but shall never be missed.  Here’s hoping that Mowing the Lawn With (Kinda-Sorta) Movie Stars will fare a little better.

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Rodeohead01Aquarium Drunkard heads down to the Durrty South with a couple of tracks from The North Mississippi All-Stars excellent album of blues covers.
  • The Rawking Refuses to Stop gets on his little pony to deliver the message of the awesomeness of Sparklehorse.
  • Good Hodgkins brings us five essential tracks from 2006, with downloads from Destroyer, Belle & Sebastian and Voxtrot.
  • Beirut bears listentening, says Said the Gramophone.
  • Scenestars adds more steam to the engine of the Gnarls Barkley hype train with a nice video of the guys performing "Crazy" on Top of the Pops
  • This is old, but in case you missed it and since it’s Friday, Sixeyes reminds us of the hilarity of "Rodeohead" – Hard ‘N Phirm’s awesome medley of Radiohead songs, played as country bluegrass.

Ashley Parker Angel On Top!

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Tifash He made it! Ashley Parker Angel’s single "Let U Go" earned Billboard’s highest debut this week. It’s crazy to think that singer/songwriter like Angel who came out of nowhere and worked his way up could have this big of a debut! I remember a time when he barely had enough money to pay for his pillar candle habit and his Mercedes SLR. Things were tough there, but he and wife Tif, were just innocent kids with a dream and a reality show on MTV.

On May 16th his  debut album drops and fans can finally hear the breath of his solo work. I mean he put his heart and soul into (co)-writing those songs. The whole thing was like a therapy session literally. I mean he had to pay his co-writers by the hour. And now he wants the whole world to see what went into making his dream come true: hard work, determination and endless hours in front of a blue screen reacting to past moments captured by There & Back Producers. What a crazy journey to the top!

Why Buy A Pussycat Doll?

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Hasbro is transforming the popular girl-group The Pussycat Dolls into actual dolls. So why would you buy a Pussycat Doll? Well

  • PussycatEach doll sells for $15, which is roughly half as much as the actual Pussycat Dolls sell themselves for.
  • The 12-inch figures will be decked in the Pussycat Dolls’ signature short skirts and lace tops– Not replicas, the ACTUAL short skirts and lace tops.
  • Hasbro’s director of marketing says that the new dolls will "reflect the styles and fashions that are popular in the world today…" She then added, "with whores."
  • Hasbro also encourages family members to be "involved in not only the doll-purchasing decision, but also in playing with the dolls." Except for that one creepy uncle. He should stay away.
  • They’re marketing the doll to 6 to 9 year olds. I have a feeling the usage of those two numbers is not a coincidence.
  • The PCD’s biggest song "Don’t Cha" contains the lyrics "I know you want it/ it’s easy to see/ And in the back of your mind/ I know you should be f**king me." Awesome! Now replace "f**king" with "buying" and you have yourself one catchy little jingle.

I’m going out and buying myself a Pusscat Doll doll the day they come out. It’s all the fun of an actual Pussycat Doll, with half the disease! Order now!

The President’s New Speechwriters

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With this week’s big staff shake-up at the White House, President Bush might be on the look-out for  some new speechwriters.  Judging by the work of these elementary students, whose presidential speeches are read (hilariously) by a professional Bush impersonator, Bush might actually benefit from getting some…younger blood into the Oval Office. 

(via Waxy)