Yesterday the anti-Christ that is The Hoff announced that he was looking for a mate. Specifically, a mate who’s more famous than he is. We offered a few suggestions for potential mates/nicknames, and then you contributed a few of your own in the comments (the absolute best one: Lance Bass + David Hasselhoff = Basselhoff). So today we figure it’s time for a contest.
Who do you want to see The Hoff date in order to create the best nickname since Brangelina? Send your photoshops + nicknames to firstname.lastname@example.org. The best one will get a prize. You can click here and click below to see what we’ve come up so far.
Good luck… and may The Hoff be with you.
Yesterday, word got out that Dustin “Screech” Diamond was mugged. We pictured a man, 10 feet tall if he was a foot, grabbing Screech by his throat and slamming him to a corkboard, while slashing his denim pockets with laser-beam eyes and stealing the guy’s last $5.
Here’s what actually happened (shocking parts written in italics): Some insane woman broke into Screech’s hotel room, armed with a mace canister, and made off with a few Playstation games. Then, Screech, very serious about his Playstation games, managed to pin the woman to the door of his hotel room, and grab the games back. Then, the woman screamed “Rape.”
“Rape-ape-ape-ape (echo bouncing off canyons)” is what it must have sounded like in Dustin’s cavernous head. Diamond need not worry of any false accusations, however. Because if Screech were to rape anyone, he would obviously be sporting a dapper Mark-Paul Gosslear mask.
No matter what Us Weekly tells them, Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston insist they are not in fact engaged to be married. We wish these stubborn lovebirds would just accept the decree the tabloid mag has made and show us the ring already, so that the paralyzing suspense will finally be over, allowing us to move on with our daily lives.
Truly shocking news: Robin Williams is in rehab… for drinking, and not cocaine abuse. Williams, the laid-back, relaxed comic who made his name as an actor in such classics as Mork and Mindy and Mrs. Doubtfire (No sarcasm intended on the “classics” part), was missing from the premiere of his latest film, The Night Listener. Instead, he was in Oregon, kicking back at the Hazleden Springbrook Rehab Clinic. Williams walks around in a constant state of panic attack, and while his exhuberance brings to mind the Ghost Train from Ghostbusters 2, his publicist insists he went to get treatment for excessive drinking… Cocaine-Infused Red Bull, surely.
First Mel Gibson, then Robin Williams… both actors who portrayed teachers… who’s next? Jon Lovitz? Michelle Pfeiffer? This is a sad game, let’s not even play it.
Our friends over at iFilm pointed us to this AWESOME music video. Who cares if He was one of us, what we really want to know is, “What if God had a MySpace“?
Page Six reports that Vanity Fair will be publishing the first authorized pictures of the elusive Suri Cruise this fall. We made some calls, disguised our voices, and were able to score a first look at the tentative cover. Even at this age, she looks just like her Dad. Check it out!
A screencap of Alan Holmes speaking earlier on FOX’s politcal gab-fest Hannity & Colmes shows that no matter what the network claims, their fans aren’t always so “fair and balanced”. They are, however, way more awesome.