The Cruise Quote of The Day

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Tom_cruise_placenta In an effort to further endear himself to the American public, Tom wants to paint a prettier image of the upcoming birth of his baby Tomkat. Now, we all know that Katie will give birth in silence, but the question was "What’s Tom going to do during/after labor?" Well, now we know:

"I’m gonna eat the placenta, too.

I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I’m going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.”

Next up– Tom’s plan to start eating brains, like the trained freaky horror-movie zombie he is.

In the meantime, Viceland has a couple of reciples for placenta that Tom can check out. I can’t wait to see him on Celebrity Cooking Showdown!

SIZZLER: Brangelina’s Bodyguards Threaten Photogs

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Pitt We mentioned yesterday that Angelina and Brad’s bodyguards were getting tough in Namibia, in order to ensure a private birth for the superstar couple.

Today, their security boss Mick Brett has issued a statement If I find anyone getting a picture of Jolie I will f*cking smash someone to pieces…I’m not joking. I’ll f*cking put someone in the hospital. Tell your friends."

Isn’t having a baby the most magical, wondrous experience in your life?

…OF THE DAY

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Mel_gibson__present_209896m LONG OVERDUE COMBACK: Jolt Cola.  Red Bull’s predesessor is being relaunched in a new ‘battery’ bottle for a new crop of pre-teens looking for stimulants. (Adfreak)

SIGN THAT AMERICA’S OBESITY PROBLEM IS ONLY GETTING WORSE:  A guy in Indiana is selling burial caskets that are 52 inches wide, twice the size of normal caskets. (D-Listed)

MOMENT CHILDHOOD ENDS: Witnessing the Easter Bunny attack a women at a Florida Mall. It really happened though some kids who saw it were convinced it was only a dream. (Smoking Gun)

PROOF THAT GOD EXISTS: Heavy rains in Mexico has caused filming of Mel Gibson’s Mayan epic Apocalypto to be delayed. (ONTD)

REASON PIPER WEISS IS A GREAT NAME: Because it translates to "Wisteria Bramble of Willowbottom" when you put it in the Hobbit Name Generator. (Barbie Martini)

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Britney Spears Practices Dancing

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Check out this recent footage of Britney Spears in dancing to her own upcoming single To My Sister. But while Britney gets swept away in the magic of her own swan-like movements paired with this heartfelt ode to sis Jamie Lynn, some woman in the background tries to inconspicuously leave the room. No doubt the woman was moved to tears and simply running to the bathroom to collect herself. (Link via IDLYITW)

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Lindsay Binges On SNL (But Not Quite)

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Brace yourselves. I’m about to do something I haven’t done in years– I’m about to defend Lindsay Lohan.

Some of my favorite websites (like Gawker) have been ragging on Lindsay today for her fake-cake-eating on this weekend’s SNL. If you watch the clip, you’ll see that Lindsay repeatedly brings the spoon up to her mouth to "eat" but never actually does so.

Now, it’s easy to make fun of Double L and call her anorexic for not scarfing down on the chocolate cake, but I’m going to stand up and say that Lindsay was just playing it safe so she didn’t get caught with food in her mouth on live TV. From a guy who choked on a muffin on stage during his middle school production of Oklahoma, I’m just going to come right out and say that eating on display isn’t nearly as easy as it seems.

Wait a second. I meant to say if I appeared in my middle school production of Oklahoma I bet it wouldn’t have been easy. It was a… hypothetical. Shut up, leave me alone.

Is The Governor of Namibia Having The Best Week Ever?

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Brad_angelina
Imagine being the governor of Namibia. I’m sure that’s something you’ve done in the past, but I want you to take a second to imagine it again. Okay. Let’s move on.

Samuel Sheefeni Nuuyuma is the governor of Namibia, and this week he’s taking a break from dealing with actual problems and issues to focus on something much more important: protecting Brangelina in their glorious quest to have a baby without the paparazzi bothering them. So not only do Brad and Angelina have lions protecting them, they have Samuel and his threat to arrest journalists if they enter his country without proper work permits. Thats a one-two punch that you’re not gonna get up from. Take that, People.

So with the added star power, the glowing endorsements (Angelina "loves Namibia") and the last name with 3 ‘u’s in it, all signs point to Samuel Sheefeni Nuuyuma having the best week ever. In Namibia, at least.

While You Were Giving Your Newborn a Scientologist Baptism

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Duffs

  • Hilary Duff will never strip for sake of acting career. In that case, Haylie Duff may be your go to girl.
  • Meg Ryan says Dennis Quaid cheated. Still no excuse for her permanently freaky facial expression.
  • Calista Flockhart has negotiated an $800k contract to star in a new TV series. And with this one, she’s allowed to eat!
  • K-Fed loves being called a pimp by the press…and a Pimp-daddy by his kids.
  • Nick Carter questioned over assault allegations. While you’re there, might as ask him how much longer he plans to make a career as a Backstreet Boy.
  • CNN interviews the three wives of Big Love. Asks if they like to ‘swing.’

One More Cup of Coffee Coke

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If you would have been focred to make a list of "inevitable commercial pairings" in 2001, I’m curious how many of you would have written down The White Stripes and Coca Cola. I’m not sure I would have.

On the one hand it made sense. You had Jack and Meg, two musicians who dressed solely in red & white garb and sang songs about hotels named Yorba and falling in love with a girl. Cutesy Coke stuff.

But on the other hand, you had Jack and Meg, two kinda freaky people from Detroit who pretended to be brother and sister when they were actually divorced. That’s a little too kinky for a soft drink company, I think.

Anyway, since then time has passed, the Stripes threw some black into their wardrobe, and now we have a Jack White- penned Coca Cola advertisement that’s cooler than most of what you hear on the radio today. So check it out. It’s by far Coke’s most rocking-est jingle since "You got the right one baby." Oh wait, that was Pepsi. Hmm. Nevermind. [watch it here. link via The Modern Age]