The Crazytrain Cometh – Tom Takes Manhattan!

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Kingkong
Holy moly I can hardly contain my excitement right now! I just recieved word that this summer’s Mission:Impossible Magical Mytery Tour of Tom Cruise’s Insanity is making a stop right here in Manhattan.  Just take a gander at THIS:

"While visiting New York for the May 3 screenings, Cruise is expected first to appear live at MTV’s Times Square studios for "TRL." Then he plans crisscross Manhattan by motorcycle, speedboat, taxi, helicopter, sports car and subway before landing at showings of the movie in Tribeca, Harlem and, ultimately, the Ziegfeld Theatre for the film festival premiere."

Do you have any idea what this means?  Not only is Captain Thetan gonna be in the same zipcode as me, he’s gonna be in my company’s BUILDING!  Probably on a MOTORCYCLE!  Oh man, I wonder if I can get him to personally – personally - save me from drug addiction???

Spazzes

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Tiger_woods_2
A public remark made by Tiger Woods in which he described a recent golf performance as "playing like a spaz" has been met with outrage, as many people are calling into question the appropriateness and sensitivity of using the term "spaz".  Spaz Rights groups have risen up in fury over the offensiveness of  the sports star’s casual put-down of their kind, and are now totally spazzing out about it.  They are also demanding the immediate removal of the terms "stupid", "idiot", "moron" and "over-reacting jackass" from the English language.

Ashlee Simpson’s Boyfriend’s Penis Looks Like A Skateboard

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Ashlee_simpson1Man, that Ashlee Simpson is so cool! Not only did she host the 2006 MTV Australia Video Music Awards this week, but she’s also dating a guy who’s manhood doubles as a skateboard! I mean, how bitchin’ is that?!?

Check out more pictures of Ashlee hanging out backstage with her well-endowed (if oiled properly) boyfriend by clicking below.

Read more…

Regrettable Tattoos

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Jlo_2
Check out this awesome photoshop contest from the people over at Worth 1000. The theme is "Regrettable Tattoos" and some of the entries are just amazing. Like this J-Lo one to the left. And the two Jessica Alba’s. And Bill Clinton.

Okay, I won’t spoil anything. Just head over there now.

Link via Cityrag.

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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Thriller

  • ‘You may recognize The La’s There She Goes from a car commercial or in end of some RomCom where the guy you’ve been rooting for finally gets the girl. But the best appearance it’s ever made is in the opening credits of So I Married an Axe Murderer accompanied by a giant cup of frothy cappuccino. Thanks for the memories Audiography.
  • Johnny Cash could look on the bright side of every song. Even one written by Bonnie Prince Billie. Listen to Oldham’s original version of I See Darkness and Cash’s moderately less suicidal cover at Kwaya Na Kisser.
  • Gomez’s Girlshapedlovedrug isn’t necessarily addictive, nor does it seem to come from the streets. But it does makes cleaning the house a bit more bearable. Go to MYOKB for the prescription.
  • Listen to Son House’s Mississippi Country Farm Blues on Honey Where You Been So Long and ask yourself why John Mayer is allowed to even wear blue.
  • I never thought anyone would have the balls to cover Thriller, but a woman named Petra Haden apparently has some monster balls or a karaoke machine. (Thanks my mean magpie)

Stop! Hammertime!

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Hammer
So the folks over at Deadspin were catching up on MC Hammer’s blog (naturally. They’re a sports blog… why wouldn’t they be reading about Hammer?) and they found this gem: a promotional rap video for the Atlanta Braves and Turner South, starring Hammer himself. Honestly, it’s his best promotional work since The Addams Family rap, if you ask me.

Watch the video here. Thank you DEADSPIN! Where would the world… and Hammer… be without you?

And one more thing: I’m not trying to draw any comparisons here… but I just think it’s a bit of a bizarre coincidence that Hammer has returned from the dead a couple of days before Easter. I’m not saying anything. I just think it has to be mentioned. That’s all. 

CAPTION THIS!

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Carmen_wow_2
Carmen Electra
– clearly still hasn’t fully recovered from her ride on the Sybian.

Leave your Caption in the Comments! And check out more unfortunately Fugly Carmen shots from the Scary Movie 4 premiere by clicking below!

Read more…

While You Were Putting Neosporin on the Nick Benji Madden Gave You

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Natalieportmandogwalkingtoronto2

  • Benji Madden earns the right to his hardcore tattoos and piercings when he gets into a barroom brawl. Just don’t tell anyone it was at the Misshapes where his sparring partner was probably a guy with a $400 haircut and the muscle-bulk of a twig.
  • Dina Lohan throws a hissy fit in a nightclub bathroom. But hardworking bathroom attendant still hands her a towel when she’s done.
  • Prince Harry was made an officer today. Still not yet made a man, though.
  • Paris Hilton faints at a Las Vegas Airport.  Sounds like a classic case of celebrity exhaustion to me.
  • Natalie Portman is being stalked Gawker-style by the blog Jaunted. Looks like blog-stalking is the new hiding out in the bushes in a mental ward hospital gown.
  • David Krumholz, the star of the math crime show Numbers, will co-star with Michelle Williams in the new Woody Allen movie. Allen guaranteed to flood box office with all three Numbers viewers.