Our hearts are a bit a-flutter, and we’re feeling a little bit nauseous. Chances are it’s because we just took another spin on that crazy love rollercoaster known as the “Kid Rock and Pam Anderson Wedding Nuptuals Whirly-Go-Round.”
It was announced today that the on-again, off-again pair are totes ON-again, following a romantic jaunt in St. Tropez for Pam-Pam’s 39th birthday, where Kid proposed. (Sidenote: Only 39! She doesn’t look a day over 415.)
While few details about the wedding itself have been released, our minds are racing: What will Pamela wear? Do they even make such a thing as sheer, thong wedding gowns? Will Kid Rock, aka Bob Ritchie (no relation to Nicole) have his wife-beater bedazzled? Trimmed with lace? Will they order their cake from Masterbakers? Because they’re trashy like that? Or will Pam have her implants removed for the big day, to class it up a little?
Perhaps most importantly, what will their wedding song be? “Afternoon Delight”? “Freak Like Me”? Leave your guesses in the comments!
For your consideration, we are proud and honored to present the acting demo reel of Mr. Micheal Ray Bower, better known to you as Donkeylips from Salute Your Shorts. This might be the most YouTubular thing we’ve ever seen.
And now it is time for a very important BWE After School message, in which we warn our younger readers about the various dangers they might soon be facing. This week, we’re taking a look at an epidemic that’s currently sweeping our nation from Hollywood to Manhattan – the party girl.
Phase One: Initial Seduction
Young, fresh-faced, newly-famous and still innocently untainted, you are easily seduced by a glamorous life of excess and luxury, never knowing the debasement and despair that awaits you once your good looks are finally gone.
Our second favorite song off of the Gnarls Barkley CD, “Smiley Faces”, now has an incredible video attached to it. And it has the added bonus of being narrated by our favorite psycho-cum-actor, Dennis Hopper. It’s so good, it almost makes you forget that it’s 150 degrees outside and that your contact lenses just melted in your eyes.
Link via Stereogum
Yes, we’ve been on a bit of an Oksana Baiul kick lately. But I think what the below pictures prove is that Adrien Brody, her rumored new squeeze, is a total Trekkie. See if you can figure out which of the below people is a Klingon (Lietunant Worf, to be exact), and which is just a leetle too clingy. Feel free to guess in the comments section.
Those boozehounds over at College Humor sobered up long enough to produce another episode of their hilarious CHTV web shorts. This edition features a fairy tale, a paid advertisement for the many uses of Solo cups and, in a genius move, a filmed version of the popular drinking game “Never Have I Ever”. So strap on your beer helmet, pretend you’re not 28 years-old, and re-visit your college years right from your computer!
Mine heart, it weeps for thee, Star Jones. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’d rather you hear it from me, a true friend, than from some other anonymous web-stalker. It seems your husband, that handsome universe of pizzazz Al Reynolds, was spotted visiting a divorce lawyer last week… Oh Star, honey, I know it’s awful. Come here, shhh… shhhh, it’s ok.
Yes. Yes, I know the media is hard on you, sweetheart. No, of course you don’t look like a bug-eyed bag of demon bones! I’m sure Al is very good to you. He bought you that purse? Wow, it’s gorgeous! And your dress… the shoes and that wall hanging? You are a lucky lady. Well, I guess you were a luck girl, anyway. Ha? No? We hear ya.
No, Star, you look fantastic. Everyone thinks so. Star, don’t — don’t eat that cupcake. Nobody wants to see you binge eat yourself to death, honey. No, Star, now, now put that lasagna down — No, not the entire rack of ribs, bones and all! Star, wait, that cow isn’t even dead yet! Star, please, your stomach — think of the staples!
Oh, who are we kidding. Cram it in down that filth-spewing hole in your face, darling. I hate to say it, but you’ve earned it. Now here’s hoping we never have to look at the two of you again.
Link via Gawker.
I learned a lot from this clip. I learned that Neil Armstrong is Lance Armstrong’s father, I learned the ESPYs may actually be worth watching, and I learned that Will Ferrell is the funniest man alive. Well, actually I already knew that. This video just reminded me.
Link via Gorillamask
Amidst the other Project Runway controversy, people seem to be forgetting about the tragedy that befell one of the show’s models, as reported last week. Jia Santos (real name Eliza Jakubek), a Hungarian model competing for a shoot in Elle Magazine, was hit by a city bus while riding her bicycle to the show’s studios. She was taken to St. Vincent’s Hospital, where she was in critical condition with a fractured skull and eye socket.
BWE has gotten exclusive word from inside her very hospital room as to the model’s recovery. Our correspondent alerts us to the following news:
- Jia is OK, and will be released soon. Her bloodwork just needs to get better so she can have a “filter” removed. (Ed Note: Medical experts in our offices have no idea what that means. Also, we don’t have any medical experts.)
- Her manager is named Javier, and clearly wants to exploit her accident to get press.
- She hates Jello and turkey, but does like pears.
We are happy to hear that Jia has recovered, but we are simply overjoyed that a model (a real-life model!) has any opinion about food whatsoever. And hey — we hate Jello too!
As far as her manager trying to exploit the accident, you can’t really blame the guy. I mean, eye patches are so hot right now.*
*We would normally never joke about a tragedy like this, but come on, she’s gonna be OK!