LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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Thriller

  • ‘You may recognize The La’s There She Goes from a car commercial or in end of some RomCom where the guy you’ve been rooting for finally gets the girl. But the best appearance it’s ever made is in the opening credits of So I Married an Axe Murderer accompanied by a giant cup of frothy cappuccino. Thanks for the memories Audiography.
  • Johnny Cash could look on the bright side of every song. Even one written by Bonnie Prince Billie. Listen to Oldham’s original version of I See Darkness and Cash’s moderately less suicidal cover at Kwaya Na Kisser.
  • Gomez’s Girlshapedlovedrug isn’t necessarily addictive, nor does it seem to come from the streets. But it does makes cleaning the house a bit more bearable. Go to MYOKB for the prescription.
  • Listen to Son House’s Mississippi Country Farm Blues on Honey Where You Been So Long and ask yourself why John Mayer is allowed to even wear blue.
  • I never thought anyone would have the balls to cover Thriller, but a woman named Petra Haden apparently has some monster balls or a karaoke machine. (Thanks my mean magpie)

Stop! Hammertime!

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Hammer
So the folks over at Deadspin were catching up on MC Hammer’s blog (naturally. They’re a sports blog… why wouldn’t they be reading about Hammer?) and they found this gem: a promotional rap video for the Atlanta Braves and Turner South, starring Hammer himself. Honestly, it’s his best promotional work since The Addams Family rap, if you ask me.

Watch the video here. Thank you DEADSPIN! Where would the world… and Hammer… be without you?

And one more thing: I’m not trying to draw any comparisons here… but I just think it’s a bit of a bizarre coincidence that Hammer has returned from the dead a couple of days before Easter. I’m not saying anything. I just think it has to be mentioned. That’s all. 

CAPTION THIS!

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Carmen Electra
– clearly still hasn’t fully recovered from her ride on the Sybian.

Leave your Caption in the Comments! And check out more unfortunately Fugly Carmen shots from the Scary Movie 4 premiere by clicking below!

Read more…

While You Were Putting Neosporin on the Nick Benji Madden Gave You

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  • Benji Madden earns the right to his hardcore tattoos and piercings when he gets into a barroom brawl. Just don’t tell anyone it was at the Misshapes where his sparring partner was probably a guy with a $400 haircut and the muscle-bulk of a twig.
  • Dina Lohan throws a hissy fit in a nightclub bathroom. But hardworking bathroom attendant still hands her a towel when she’s done.
  • Prince Harry was made an officer today. Still not yet made a man, though.
  • Paris Hilton faints at a Las Vegas Airport.  Sounds like a classic case of celebrity exhaustion to me.
  • Natalie Portman is being stalked Gawker-style by the blog Jaunted. Looks like blog-stalking is the new hiding out in the bushes in a mental ward hospital gown.
  • David Krumholz, the star of the math crime show Numbers, will co-star with Michelle Williams in the new Woody Allen movie. Allen guaranteed to flood box office with all three Numbers viewers.

Snakes: They’re Still On A Plane

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Snakes_on_a_plane
For a minute there I was beginning to think that people had already forgotten about the upcoming Greatest Movie Ever Made- Snakes On A Plane. Well, I was wrong. Thank God I was wrong.

Check out McSweeney’s Possible "Surprise" Endings To The New Samuel L. Jackson Film Snakes On A Plane.

I think they pretty much nailed them all. I kind of hope that their Third Scenario proves to be true. Nothing in the world would make me happier… Well, except for the promise of Snakes On A Plane 2: More Snakes On A Plane. We can only hope.

While You Were Pretending To Be Jewish To Get Off For Passover

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  • Mike_tyson
    Muhammed Ali
    has sold the rights to his name and likeness for $50 million. The new owners are already excited about slapping it on a portable grilling machine and calling it a day.
  • Speaking of former heavyweights, Mike Tyson stormed out of rehab just days after starting therapy for cocaine addiction. What? Would you stop him?
  • Guy Richie is planning a "men only" vacation, further fueling suspician that his marriage to Madonna is on the rocks. And further fueling suspician that the trip is going to include some Lock-ing, Stock-ing, and Smoking Barrels, too.
  • MySpace has begun posting public service ads that warn kids about online predators. Like Tom.
  • A talk show host was fired after offering a listener money to kill comedian Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller.) He wasn’t fired because he endorsed murder, he was fired because killing Penn Jillette should be something that somebody would want to do for free.
  • Now that Katie’s gone, Matt Lauer has signed a $13 million a year contract that keeps him on the Today show ’till 2011. Or till Katie comes crawling back.
  • Paula Abdul is developing a line of jewelry for QVC. (here comes the worst joke you’re ever going to read– you’ve been warned) You can either have the jewelry shipped by mail, or you can get it Rush, Rush-ed. (Told you so.)

Happy Anniversary TomKat!

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In honor of Tom and Katie’s one year anniversary, I’ve decided to play along with their bizarre ruse for just one post. TomKat, Enjoy:

Wow this has been one wild ride, but you know, that’s just love. It all started with one girl’s childhood crush and an audition for Mission Impossible that turned into the longest most romantic date ever (think sushi on a private jet and scuba diving!) It was every girl’s dream. But it had to have been that 10 day cruise on the Caribbean when they virtually dropped off the face of the earth that changed everything. I mean Katie was a different person after that. After that cruise, Tom was tired of hiding their love, he just wanted to shout it to the world! We all know how that feels; in fact it reminded the rest of us of our very first love. Especially because they couldn’t keep their hands off each other and honestly, it was sexy. And then (sigh), the most romantic proposal ever on the top of the Eiffel Tower. From Gondolas to Big Ben the couple fell in love in Europe, and the world fell in love with them.

So she got pregnant before they were married, no one said they were conventional! When you have that much raw chemistry, these things happen. And like any happy accident, their love is strong enough to make it work.  Even if it means Katie can’t work or talk for while. What they need now is to connect with their local church and delve into the strong bonds of their religious community. 

This pregnancy has been hard but Tom’s been there for Katie all the way, keeping her occupied with high school basketball games and Australian funerals. Thank god for those little distractions! And now, after a whirlwind affair with Mr. Tom Cruise, (every girl’s fantasy) it’s finally time to bare the fruit of their labor. A beautiful baby, a perfect family, maybe even a white picket fence with razor spikes dipped in poison to keep the aliens out. (sorry, couldn’t help myself)