- Rosie O’Donnell’s new View contract stipulates that she cannot cut her hair. They want her to keep it long and flowing in an attempt to capture the coveted 18-35 year-old Guys Who Like Ugly Chicks demographic.
- Paula Abdul has revealed that Michael Bolton used to be her babysitter. Looking for work, Bolton responds that he’s still available if anybody needs him to watch their kids.
- Paris Hilton has announced that she thinks smoking is “so sexy.” The statement outraged parents everywhere, who are now forced to reconsider whether or not the allegedly herpes-ridden, talentless hotel heiress is the role model they thought she was.
- The Fox Reality Channel is planning a new reality series titled My Bare Lady, where cameras follow American Porn Stars as they ready themselves for a performance on London’s West End. It promises a ton of hot girl-on-girl thesbian action.
- Tom Cruise has hired a staffer to monitor his garbage. Staffer gives M:I::3 one star.
- Most people prefer Robin Williams over 9/11. Whereas I happen to think it’s a draw.
It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, April 30th! Robin Hopkins is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including SNL, The Sopranos, Desperate Housewives, and Grey’s Anatomy!
- HEADLINE: “Crocodile Attacks Chainsaw In Austrailia” (AP)
- TOURISM HOTSPOT: Namibia, all because two movie stars turned the entire country into their own private birthing chamber. (Reuters)
- LOUD-MOUTHED LOTHARIO: If you’re a David Spade and you manage to bag a Heather Locklear, you make sure to talk to the press about it as often as possible. (Page Six)
- LAME HIP-HOP BEEF: 50 Cent is feuding with Oprah. Bi*ch better watch her back. (Yahoo! News)
- HALF-BAKED PROMOTIONAL STUNT: Lollapalooza festival organizers upset about rolling papers bearing their name. Meanwhile, the hippies over at Bonnaroo are cursing the wasted brain cells that prevented them from thinking of it first. (Chicago Sun)
- MOTHERLY LOVE: Eminem is attempting to reconcile with his long-estranged Mother. Something tells me Hallmark doesn’t have a “Sorry I publicly said I wanted to kill you, Mom” card. (Fametastic)
- UNRULY TENANT: New York’s Hot 97 radio station is facing eviction after several shootings outside their offices. Apparently the old lady upstairs at NPR kept complaining to the landlord. (MTV News)
After being accused of everything from hooker-sex to teen porn-inspired masturbation, Charlie Sheen, still decided to pursue his true passion and launch a line of little girls’ fashions. That’s like building an giant amusement park on your property after being accused of child molestation. It’s a good idea, but it’s just not financially sound. Check out more pictures of the Sheen’s clothing launch at WWTDD
- Tom Hanks penned a lengthy tribute to his makeup artist in the New York Times. And appropriately, not to his hair stylist.
- Commuters in Baltimore hoping to listen to NPR were accidentally treated to The Howard Stern Show thanks to defective satellite radios. That puts them in an elite class: people who have actually listened to Howard Stern since January.
- President Bush says the National Anthem should be sung in English because he feels that people who want to be citizens of this country ought to learn the language. Immigrants respond: You first.
- Tom Cruise wants to hire a Beatles tribute band to play at his wedding. The guys pretending to be the Beatles can’t wait to perform for people pretending to be in love.
- 50 Cent thinks that Oprah only “caters to older white women.” Producers argue No, she caters to gay men too.
Sure last week’s silent birth was pleasant, but things just keep getting better for Suri Cruise.
While dad Tom Cruise is on his European tour promoting Mission Impossible III, Suri’s just chillin’ in her crib collecting gifts. Check out this massive teddy bear dad picked up for her the other day. And this one a fan gave him in Rome. And how about that shopping spree for baby clothes dad took instead going to that press conference. Yup Suri is one hooked up baby. But the real reason she’s having such a killer week, is that she’s on vacation. While Dad would have probably loved to tote Suri from premiere to press conference like he did with when she was still in vitro, because she’s only 10 days old, he didn’t make her go with him! So Suri’s got the whole week off. Meanwhile, Mom says enjoy it while it lasts.
You have to give credit to Rethink Breast Cancer for thinking outside the box. Or above the box, if you want to get technical.
In order to raise awareness and promote the launch of their Fashion Targets Breast Cancer campaign in Canada, they launched the website Check Out My Breasts, an interactive site where women can learn more about checking themselves for breast cancer. The smoking-hot spokesmodel offers tips and advice when you click on certain areas of her breasts– a titillating feature that resulted in me learning more about the subject than I ever thought I would. And I’m sure I’m not alone.
So nice work Rethink. And in all seriousness, everybody should check out this SFW (but only with an explanation that the topless lady on your screen is there for educational purposes) site and make a donation. It’s for a good cause.
Thanks to reader Coopster 1 for alerting us to the interesting facial similarity of Curb Your Enthusiasm’s hilariously neurotic Larry David and celebrated inventor of the vaccine that cures Polio, Dr. Jonas Salk:
Sure, Salk cured a life-threatening disease, giving hope to millions – but Larry gave us Seinfeld.
Lately, posters for the upcoming Silent Hill movie have been subject to vandalism, photoshop contests and lurid public desiccation. So we wanted to join in on the fun. We put 8 celebrity lips on the poor mouth-less girl from the movie. Guess which lips belong to which stars after the jump.
Want to submit something for the Film Fest? Send your short films, sketches and whatnot to firstname.lastname@example.org, and come back next Friday for three new pieces!