Happy Anniversary TomKat!

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In honor of Tom and Katie’s one year anniversary, I’ve decided to play along with their bizarre ruse for just one post. TomKat, Enjoy:

Wow this has been one wild ride, but you know, that’s just love. It all started with one girl’s childhood crush and an audition for Mission Impossible that turned into the longest most romantic date ever (think sushi on a private jet and scuba diving!) It was every girl’s dream. But it had to have been that 10 day cruise on the Caribbean when they virtually dropped off the face of the earth that changed everything. I mean Katie was a different person after that. After that cruise, Tom was tired of hiding their love, he just wanted to shout it to the world! We all know how that feels; in fact it reminded the rest of us of our very first love. Especially because they couldn’t keep their hands off each other and honestly, it was sexy. And then (sigh), the most romantic proposal ever on the top of the Eiffel Tower. From Gondolas to Big Ben the couple fell in love in Europe, and the world fell in love with them.

So she got pregnant before they were married, no one said they were conventional! When you have that much raw chemistry, these things happen. And like any happy accident, their love is strong enough to make it work.  Even if it means Katie can’t work or talk for while. What they need now is to connect with their local church and delve into the strong bonds of their religious community. 

This pregnancy has been hard but Tom’s been there for Katie all the way, keeping her occupied with high school basketball games and Australian funerals. Thank god for those little distractions! And now, after a whirlwind affair with Mr. Tom Cruise, (every girl’s fantasy) it’s finally time to bare the fruit of their labor. A beautiful baby, a perfect family, maybe even a white picket fence with razor spikes dipped in poison to keep the aliens out. (sorry, couldn’t help myself)

Best Night Ever 4/11/06

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Jeremy Hsu had the Best Night Ever! Last night he positioned himself in front of the television to watch some American Idol, House, Championship Duck Calling with Fred Willard, and The Ten Commandments. Watch it now!

…Of The Day

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THE NEW NATIONAL PASTTIME: Getting the gang together and playing a pick up game of "Juiced? Or Not? (Juiced? Or Not?)

NEWS THAT MAKES ME WANT TO SKIP THE NEXT BATMAN MOVIE: The Joker, played by Robin Williams. (Moviehole)

PICTURE THAT MAKES ME MISS THE OLD BATMAN: Michael Keaton throwing out the first pitch at a Pittsburgh Pirates game. (Deadspin)

HAPPY ENDING: Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn– together, just the way you told the studio you wanted them to be. (Page 6)

FUNNY BUT WRONG FAKE HEADLINE: Immigration Rally Brings Food Delivery To A Standstill (Blog NYC)

SIZZLER: Miller Tipsy at Fanity Vair Party

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There’s been a lot of talk about Sienna Miller acting inappropriately at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party, the exclusive gala event after the Academy Awards. So what exactly was she doing? We scored the candid pictures published in Vanity Fair’s upcoming issue: looks like we’ve got bare feet, foot eating, foot smelling and sloppy girl-on-girl make-out sessions with friend Tara Summers. While guests were miffed by her trashy antics, they were outraged she didn’t share whatever it was she was on.

(Go here for more Vanity Fair pics of Vanity Fair’s vanity party)

While You Were Pouring One Out For Proof

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  • ProofProof, member of the D12 posse and best friend of Eminem died tryin’ last night, gaining a little more "street cred" than he probably wanted.
  • The Real World is bringing the 18th installment of it’s show-that-won’t-die to Denver, finally giving the rest of America a glimpse of life in the glitzy, fast-paced Mile High Metropolis.
  • Are Madonna and Guy Richie having marital prob…oh, who gives a sh*t?
  • TMZ takes paparazzo-nutzo celeb stalking to the next level with their informative, hard-hitting reminder that stars also do things, "How Random Is That?"
  • Nick Lachey is still diddling the help – he might as well just become the Total Divorced Guy Cliche and get an earring and a sports car.
  • Check out comedian Aziz Ansari’s hilarious LA Times piece, "7 Ways to Use the Lessons of 24 at Work".

Lopez Sues the Pants Off of Ex

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Ojaniw7 So the big news today is that J.Lo is suing her first husband, Ojani Noa for trying to extort money from her. Noa, a waiter-actor, who sued Lopez a few years back for firing him from her restaurant Madres, allegedly requested $5 million from the Latin diva in exchange for not publishing a tell all book about their relationship.

But what I just don’t understand why Noa needs the cash. I can’t imagine his "Limited Edition" 2004 Calender, featuring classy black and white photos of his rock hard abs, wasn’t a best-seller at Christmas.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Elmo’s a VIP

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I stumbled upon these pictures of Katie Couric’s recent Colo-rectal Cancer Benefit at the Waldorf Astoria, and found that Sesame Street’s Elmo was in almost every shot (in some cases getting mighty cozy with the future CBS news anchor.) While I have no idea why a furry red Muppet was the star of a colorectal cancer benefit honoring mo-town, I’m just going to go with it.

Unfortunately, Greg Kinnear, a guest at the event, isn’t as cool about the whole thing. Check out this footage of the party and watch how he seems to be the only actor who recognizes the absurdity of posing with a sock puppet.

Is Hugh Hefner Having the Best Week Ever?

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That might be a dumb question seeing as how Hugh Hefner lives every day of his Viagra-fueled life in a big mansion full of naked nymphomaniacs who would do ANYTHING to get into his magazine.  But this week seems particularly good for Hef, who celebrated his 80th birthday with a 1000-person star-studded bash at the mansion featuring hand-painted bunnies, a sea of expensive champagne, and a semi-nude serenade from Paris Hilton herself.  And now, apparently unwilling to let this swingin’ party stop, Hef is taking his birthday festivities on the road for a trip across Europe, stopping in London, Cannes, Paris, Barcelona, Munich, Rome and Venice – with his triplet of Playboy bunny girlfriends in tow.  And finally, when guests have gone and the lights go out, Hef has arranged to be entombed next to Marilyn Monroe.  Once again, DUDE EVEN GETS TO BE BURIED NEXT TO MARILYN MONROE.

I really don’t see how his week – or his life – could possibly get any better.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Titanic 2

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Okay, this is the next generation of movie mash-ups. There are so many things going on in this trailer for Titanic 2, I can’t even place them all. You have to watch it– this is really, really great. And really, really scary, because you know if this falls into the hands of the wrong people they might actually think it’s a good idea to go ahead and make it. Oh God. I don’t even want to think about that. Watch Titanic Two The Surface here.

SIZZLER: Springer Ain’t Got Nothin’ on Spears

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Star Magazine has informed us that Child Services finally got off their lazy asses and made a heroic trip over to the Spears/Federline home in an attempt to spare Sean Preston from the cruelty of being cared for by his freakshow parents.  Britney’s baby-on-the-lap frenzied driving, combined with Kevin’s incessant "hip-hopping" proved to be too much for the toddler, who  apparently tried to end it all by jumping off his high-chair and fracturing his skull.