Melissa Etheridge’s Babby Daddy Mystery

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Etheridge Rockin’ lesbian singer Melissa Etheridge and her wife, actress Tammy Lynn Michaels, are expecting twins! That’s right, Etheridge has gone and got another girl pregnant. She already has two children from a previous relationship with another woman. In fact, you may remember who Etheridge chose as the sperm donor for the first two: David Crosby.

We think there’s no better choice for sperm donor than an overweight, recovering drug addict with a permanent handlebar mustache. So who did Tammy and Melissa choose to top Crosby as the father of their twins?

Here are our top three guesses as to who they chose as sperm donor:

  1. Pete Doherty: If they’re looking for an addict, he’s their man.  I mean Doherty’s heroin addiction makes Crosby look like he likes the occasional  white wine spritzer . 
  2. Bruce Villanche: If they’re looking for fat guy with facial hair, look no further. Villanche grows a great beard and is twice the size of Crosby but half the man. And what a joker!
  3. Kevin Federline: The sensible choice. If anyone can impregnate a woman with two babies in one shot, it’s him.

Now it’s your turn: who do you think is Etheridge’s sperm donor?

Give the Mets an inch…

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Mets
And they’ll record a crappy rap song. Following in the tradition of the ’85 Chicago Bears "Superbowl Shuffle," the NY Mets unveiled a new theme song last night titled "Our Team, Our Time." Yes, the Mets have the best record in baseball right now… but it’s April. Shouldn’t you hold off on the awkwardly 80′s rap where you rhyme "Pedro Martinez will strike you out" with "he’s throwing heat, No Doubt!" until the playoffs? Maybe I’m just a traditionalist, I don’t know.

Listen to the new NY Mets song right here. Yeah, it’s bad, but at least nobody on the team is responsible (you can’t say the same for those ’85 Bears)… and at least it’s still better than anything K-Fed’s come up with.

While You Were Looking For a Good Placenta Recipe

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  • MisscleoJennifer Aniston called into Monday’s episode of Oprah to address rumors about her and Vince Vaughn’s
    imminent wedding.  Aniston confused viewers when she kept referring to Oprah as "Miss
    Cleo", and repeatedly demanded to know whether or not "this one really loves me".
  • Kevin Federline says he loves his ‘pimp image’.  You know, nothing says "pimp" quite like asking permission to use the ATM card so you can run out to buy more Pampers. 
  • Paris Hilton has announced her new line of mobile phone video games.  Sources are saying one of the games is just like Super Mario Bros, except instead of saving the Princess at the end of the level, you videotape yourself f**king her. 
  • The bodyguard in charge of Brangelina’s Birth Fortress of Solitude has told the press that if he catches any paparazzi taking pictures, he’ll put them into the hospital.  Sounds like somebody forgot the first rule of Fight Club.
  • Michael Jackson’s latest child molestation case has been dismissed.  For those of you keeping score, that’s Michael Jackson: 82, molested children: 0. 

Scarlett Johansson in a Bikini

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I’m just going to shut up and let you enjoy these. The words "Scarlett Johansson in a bikini" may be the only ones I like more than "Snakes on a Plane." Maybe.

Thank you BlogNYC. Seriously, thanks. Oh, by the way, the dude in the second picture is Scarlett’s boyfriend Josh Hartnett, star of Pearl Harbor, 40 Days & 40 Nights, Hollywood Homicide and Wicker Park. Sometimes life isn’t fair.

UPDATE: Here’s another phrase I had the pleasure of hearing today– "take the Scarlett Johansson pictures down." Interesting. Well, they’re gone. But if you really want to see them, I’d advise you head over to:

  • Egotastic
  • A Socialite’s Life
  • Pink Is The New Blog
  • D-Listed
  • Celebutaint
  • Dana’s Dirt
  • The Superficial
  • I Don’t Like You In That Way

Honestly, the list is endless. Happy hunting!

The Cruise Quote of The Day

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Tom_cruise_placenta In an effort to further endear himself to the American public, Tom wants to paint a prettier image of the upcoming birth of his baby Tomkat. Now, we all know that Katie will give birth in silence, but the question was "What’s Tom going to do during/after labor?" Well, now we know:

"I’m gonna eat the placenta, too.

I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I’m going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.”

Next up– Tom’s plan to start eating brains, like the trained freaky horror-movie zombie he is.

In the meantime, Viceland has a couple of reciples for placenta that Tom can check out. I can’t wait to see him on Celebrity Cooking Showdown!

SIZZLER: Brangelina’s Bodyguards Threaten Photogs

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Pitt We mentioned yesterday that Angelina and Brad’s bodyguards were getting tough in Namibia, in order to ensure a private birth for the superstar couple.

Today, their security boss Mick Brett has issued a statement If I find anyone getting a picture of Jolie I will f*cking smash someone to pieces…I’m not joking. I’ll f*cking put someone in the hospital. Tell your friends."

Isn’t having a baby the most magical, wondrous experience in your life?

…OF THE DAY

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Mel_gibson__present_209896m LONG OVERDUE COMBACK: Jolt Cola.  Red Bull’s predesessor is being relaunched in a new ‘battery’ bottle for a new crop of pre-teens looking for stimulants. (Adfreak)

SIGN THAT AMERICA’S OBESITY PROBLEM IS ONLY GETTING WORSE:  A guy in Indiana is selling burial caskets that are 52 inches wide, twice the size of normal caskets. (D-Listed)

MOMENT CHILDHOOD ENDS: Witnessing the Easter Bunny attack a women at a Florida Mall. It really happened though some kids who saw it were convinced it was only a dream. (Smoking Gun)

PROOF THAT GOD EXISTS: Heavy rains in Mexico has caused filming of Mel Gibson’s Mayan epic Apocalypto to be delayed. (ONTD)

REASON PIPER WEISS IS A GREAT NAME: Because it translates to "Wisteria Bramble of Willowbottom" when you put it in the Hobbit Name Generator. (Barbie Martini)

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Britney Spears Practices Dancing

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Check out this recent footage of Britney Spears in dancing to her own upcoming single To My Sister. But while Britney gets swept away in the magic of her own swan-like movements paired with this heartfelt ode to sis Jamie Lynn, some woman in the background tries to inconspicuously leave the room. No doubt the woman was moved to tears and simply running to the bathroom to collect herself. (Link via IDLYITW)