CAPTION THIS: What’s James Thinking?

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James Mardsen is currently filming the upcoming Disney movie Enchanted in New York’s Time Square and based on this picture, he’s got a lot on his mind. Here’s what we think he’s thinking:

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I think the squirrel that’s nesting in my left shoulder just had her babies.

Now it’s your turn: What’s going through Prince Largeshoulders’ head?
(more pics at Just Jared)

Where Are They Now?

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Head over to Worth1000 right now for yet another amazing photoshop contest. This time, they show you what happens to your favorite celebrities when their five minutes of fame are up. Some are predictable (see: Pee Wee Herman), some are unfortunate (Mike Tyson), and some are hilarious (Michael Jackson.) Tom Cruise working at a pharmacy, though… that’s my favorite. “Hi, welcome to Target… now stop being so glib.”

Check out all of the entries here.

Finally, A Perfect Remake!

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strangers.jpgIt seems like Hollywood is intent on turning every sitcom and series in TV history into a big-screen adaptation, usually with underwhelming results. But our friends at Revolution Studios have finally hit the nail on the head in their decision to give the Tinseltown treatment to 80′s sitcom staple “Perfect Strangers“, with Bruce Willis and Halle Berry in the starring roles.

But I’m a little confused about one thing: even though there was always a sexual subtext between roommates Larry and Balki, are the filmmakers throwing a crazy gender-bending twist into the equation and having Halle Berry play Balki as a female? If so, there could be an amazing love scene where the two roommates finally address the sexual tension between them, giving Halle another chance to set the screen on fire like she did in Monster’s Ball.

“Larry, make me feel gooooood!”

Is Jessica Alba Having the Best Week Ever?

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jessica_alba_slip_us_2_big.jpgKeira Knightley may have stolen Kate Moss’s job and Jennifer Love Hewitt may have a cute new haircut, but Jessica Alba is definitely having the best week ever.

Let’s examine the facts: She’s nominated for not one but two MTV Movie Awards for her work in Sin City and, believe it or not, Fantastic Four. But she’s not just a hot super hero, she’s also one of People Magazine’s Most Beautiful People in the World, thanks to all her inner-beauty.

But the real reason her week is going so well, is because she avoided a near-fatal nip slip. At Us Weekly’s recent Hot Hollywood Awards, Jessica almost shared the fate of straight-to-video vixen Tara Reid, when her dress strap fell down. Alba, who famously rebuked Playboy for insinuating she posed nude, has worked hard to be both hot babe and serious actress. And thanks to her good fortune this week she can remain chaste until she finds the right role that really challenges her to take her top off.

While You Were Choosing To Accept Mission:Stalk Cruise

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  • kingkong.jpgThanks to our insider, we’ve got a leaked itinerary for Tom Cruise’s taking of Manhattan next Wednesday. Reserve your spot on the Crazytrain!
  • Jennifer Lopez says she’s misunderstood.
    I don’t really see what’s so hard to understand about a marginally-talented, tabloid-whoring diva who goes through men like kleenex.
  • Super-cool-ultra-indie “it couple” Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal are reportedly looking to staart their new faamily in the haappenin’ neighborhood of Tribecaa.
  • Now that she’s been voted off American Idol, Kellie Pickler is gearing up to begin her new 15-minute-long career of B-list reality show casts leading up to the obligatory Playboy spread.
  • Quentin Tarantino is reportedly directing a biopic about guitar legend Jimi Hendrix. It will be sort of like Ray, except with fancier camerawork, way more karate and liberal use of the word “f*ck”. Meahwhile, Jamie Foxx has already started dropping acid in order to win the role.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • I just downloaded 24 Pete Yorn songs over at I Am Fuel, You Are Friend, most of which I’ve never heard before. Now I’m going to spend the rest of my afternoon listening to them. I really couldn’t be any happier.
  • Disco-Not-Disco has a track by Gnarls Barkley and a remix of N.E.R.D’s “She Wants to Move.” Both are highly recommended for white people who want to “mix it up” a little bit.
  • Jonathan Richman’s little brother from a different mother, Adam Green, has a new album out; Neiles Life has a handful of tracks from it. Go check out these new tunes from the first man to ever record a song about Jessica Simpson. We owe it to him.
  • So Much Silence has posted a track by the highly underrated Magic Numbers. Get “Forever Lost” on your iPod ASAP.
  • Finally, You Aint No Picasso put up a great Rufus Wainwright track yesterday– a cover of Irving Berlin’s “What’ll I Do.” Rufus, dad Loudon, sister Martha: it’s a family affair. Lets hope this doesn’t give the Spears’ any ideas.

SIZZLER: Brangelina Shrugged?

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brangelinaAngelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are considering co-starring in another movie together after the success of their blockbuster Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This time around it’s Ayn Rand’s seminal novel Atlas Shrugged.

While many have tried to cinematically adapt the literary triumph that grapples with the philosophical implications of capitalism in the face of economic devastation, all previous attempts have failed.

But producers believe that Hollywood’s super-couple Brangelina will be able to translate the complicated material for film. And if they can’t do it, maybe TomKat or Dambora can.

Survivor’s Bruce Survives Show

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If you ever thought being on a reality show was easy, think again.

In last week’s episode of Survivor, 58 year old art teacher Bruce was taken off the island by medics after writhing in his tent throughout the night due to stomach problems. He’s now claiming that he waited 8 hours for medical treatment, because the camera crew were more interested in focusing on another story line. They “kept telling me to drink more water..[b]y the time the camera crews had come back with the producers and medics…it was too late for them to bring a helicopter, so they loaded me into the speedboat.”

Frankly, I’m outraged. But I guess now we know that Bruce is just really unprofessional on the set.

PROPPED: Exclusive Routes and Schedule For the Tom Cruise Crazytrain!

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tom_cruiseoncar.jpgBIG proppers to reader garble for tipping us off to this EXCLUSIVE leaked itinerary, which lists and maps Tom Cruise’s forthcoming frenzied M:I3 publicity assault on Manhattan.

Captain Thetan is taking planes, trains, automobiles, speedboats and motorcycles across the entire city, stopping only to dance on cars, pump his fists in the air, and make bizarre, alienating statements his publicist wishes he wouldn’t! Expect him to be on his A-game, cranking the crazy up even higher – cause this time, he’s got a child to provide for!

With this exclusive guide, you too can experience The Cruise’s power and beauty, it’s shock and awe, up close and personal! Next Wednesday, May 3rd – Be There!

Captain Hasselhook?

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david-hasselhoff-007-img.jpgIs there anything that actor/singer/German treasure/all-around Renaissance man David Hasselhoff can’t do? The BBC is reporting that The Hoff is now adding the ancient art of pantomime to his formidable performance resume, having recently accepted the role of Captain Hook in a London stage presentation of Peter Pan.

If anyone ever makes a sequel to Being John Malkovich, I sure hope it’s about what life is like inside the head of The Hoff.