GAMES: Keep Katie Quiet

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Since it’s impossible to avoid Tom & Katie today, I’m just going to accept it and post this ridiculous game to keep myself occupied. It’s called Keep Katie Quiet, and here’s the description:

Catch Tom’s Crazy pills to keep Katie Quiet during Pregnancy or Xenu
will come and take her away! Will Katie be completely Silent during
birth in accordance with Scientology”s completely rational beliefs?
Its up to you to protect her from the evil alien overlord Xenu.

Good luck! Thanks to PopSugar for helping me waste the day away. Click here to play.

TomKat: the Afterbirth

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Tomkatafter
After months of speculation, anticipation and no small amount of skepticism, the day has finally come and gone: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have brought a new life into the world.  But now that the pregnancy circus is pulling out of gossip town, what’s next for the world’s Hollyweirdest couple? 

First of all, Tom has indefinitely cancelled all press appearances for his upcoming summer blockbuster/career killer, Mission:Impossible 3, which is news I know at least one person is going to take pretty hard.  Next, as the cruel hand of fate would have it, Tom Cruise and his natal arch-nemesis Brooke Shields had their new children ON THE SAME DAY, forever entwining the destinies of their offspring.  This will also give the whole world a very public opportunity to observe the post-partum challenges and behavior of one woman who doesn’t believe in psychiatric medication, and one woman who isn’t crazy. 

So just because the baby is finally born and you’re not going to get to see anymore pictures of Katie Holmes out shopping with a basketball stuffed under shirt, there’s still plenty more juice left in this fruit basket of absurdity.

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Cloudcult_1Gothamist has two songs from The Cloud Cult that have been deemed good enough to receive music criticism’s highest honor – comparison to Arcade Fire.
  • ProductshopNYC has a boatload of downloads, with everyone from Miles Davis to Portishead to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.
  • Said the Gramphone becomes eclectic with three interesting songs from Danielson, The Doers, and Charles Aznavour.
  • I’m Just Sayin’ Is All has some nice cuts from Tilly & the Wall, CocoRosie and Arab Strap
  • Pound For Pound has a couple tracks from the new Flaming Lips album, At War With the Mystics.

SIZZLER: Lachey’s Marriage is a Bust

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U585cover_2 In this upcoming issue of Rolling Stone Magazine, Nick Lachey comes clean about separation from Jessica Simpson. The former Newlywed said that he stills loves her, that Joe Simpson influenced their marriage, that he still doesn’t know whether she cheated on him and that he was ‘told’ he would be getting a divorce.

Look, Jessica’s no angel, but she’s not all to blame. Judging from this cover of US Weekly, Nick always had to have the bigger cleavage.

While You Were Smoking A Stogie For Suri

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  • Mary_j
    Michael Jackson
    will release an album in ’07. You will be allowed to ironically enjoy it by ’12.
  • Mary J. Blige says God wants her to "bling", and to be the hottest thing this year. Proving once and for all that even though He may be your co-pilot, deep down The Man is a P.I.M.P.
  • Sienna Miller has been receiving death threats. Insiders say police are baffled and are having a hard time trying to figure out why anybody would care about Sienna Miller.
  • There are rumors that someone’s leaving the OC. Someone besides millions of viewers, that is.
  • Speaking of leaving, Eva Longoria is ready to leave Desperate Housewives… to become one.
  • And finally, David Hasselhoff has revealed he had a "spiritual calling" to change peoples’ lives for the better. In a related story, David Hasselhoff has announced that he will never release another album ever, ever again.

Re-Makes Are the New Mash-Ups

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Thanks to YouTube and a couple of gay cowboys, the movie trailer mash-up frenzy has completely jumped the shark, the blue whale, and the Grand Canyon to boot. 

In an effort to encourage this migration away from more mash-ups, Comedy Central’s Showbiz Show with David Spade is changing the game to movie trailer re-makes (like this genius one for Jurassic Park), and inviting all you Alfred Hitchcocks of two-minute trailers to submit your low-budget masterpieces for a chance to get it on the show and have David Spade say something smug about it – check it out!

BWE Photoshop Contest: Tom Cruise: You Complete Me

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It’s a girl! And that means the Tom Cruise You Complete Me Photoshop Contest is over. Thanks to everybody who participated (like Sarah, who sent us this rather hypnotizing Tom-On-Tom ink blotter-esque photo the left)– the entries ranged from hilarious to downright disturbing. But in a good way. I’ve included some of our favorites below.

Thanks again to everybody… and to you, Suri. For putting an end to this madness. You’re a little angel. (Do Scientologists believe in angels? If not, whoops.)

Click below!

Read more…

Dancing with the Broke Stars

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Drewrehearsal2 According to Howard Stern’s girlfriend Beth Ostrosky, Dancing with the Stars doesn’t pay that well. The shock jock’s girlfriend revealed on Stern’s Sirius radio show, that she was offered a place on the upcoming Dancing with the Stars 3, but is hesitant to accept the offer because they only pay a maximum of $245,000 for 8 weeks of taping. The model slash girlfriend was offered a base salary of $125,000 for the first two weeks and $20,000 each additional week until voted off.

According to the New York Post, Drew Lachey confirmed the pay sucks. Lachey agreed: “It’s kind of ridiculous. In terms of TV and for the ratings that the show gets, it’s ridiculous,” he said.

While we think $245,000 over 8 weeks is pretty good, we have a feeling Drew’s contract was considerably less than Ostrosky’s.  In fact, Drew’s right, he’s worth way more than 8 bags of peanuts and a bowling trophy. 

While You Were Having Post-Partum Depression

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  • Stork_stopp_storkLet’s just get this all out of the way at once, shall we?  Yes, the Seventh Seal has been opened, and TomKat had their baby gir-lien.  Now we can move on to all the less important things…
  • Britney Spears may sue the company that makes the high chair that her son Preston recently fell from.  Spears says she’s confident that Judge Judy will see her side of the story. 
  • MTV is developing a new project in which Paris Hilton will star. 
  • Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson have brought their catfight to the casting couch, now competing to see who’s acting skills are shi*ty enough to land them a role in the film adaptation of 80′s soap opera Dallas
  • Joe Rogan fires back at us with an angry missive on his message board!  He even called us a bad word!