While filming her latest movie in LA, Lindsay Lohan had to be rushed to a local hospital where she was reportedly treated for “overheating and dehydration”. Though her condition could not have been too serious as she was spotted out that very same night in Hollywood, somehow rehabilitated and ready to paint the town all over again. As this is not Lindsay’s first fatigue-related hospital visit, we thought we’d use our medical expertise provide you with this brief guide to better understanding the real meaning behind all these confusing Lohan health care terms:
“Dehydration” – too much booze.
“Exhaustion” – too much blow.
“Overheating” – too much booze and blow on the beach.
We hope these practical explanations will ease any concerns you might have about the well-being of your favorite party-loving starlet. Rest assured, this is just another one of her patented “Lohangovers” – nothing a little water, some aspirin and six or seven Red Bull & vodkas can’t take care of.
In a new version of the classic Monopoly board game, players will use fake Visa Debit Cards instead of fake money to conduct their fake real estate transactions. We think this might be the greatest thing to happen to board games since Operation blew our minds back in the 80’s with its cutting-edge illuminated nose technology. Now even young children can get a head start on learning one of life’s most important lessons: even if you don’t have money to buy something, there are magical cards that allow you to purchase it anyway. Say you’ve got your eye on Marvin Gardens but the Community Chest just poked you with some stupid school tax that left you strapped until the next time you pass Go. No worries, bro – just charge that sh*t. Sure, the dude with a monopoly on Boardwalk may screw you on the fixed interest rate, but there’s always a Chance Card that you could be coming into an inheritance soon, and you can just pay off the debt then, no sweat! You might default on the loan and land yourself in jail, but sometimes in life – and Monopoly – you’ve just gotta roll the dice.
Overall, some great improvements – but here’s hoping that the next version of the game replaces Water Works with Speedy’s Fast Cash Checking Loans, and drops Electric Company in favor of American Consumer Credit Counseling. Also, it might not be a bad idea to get some loan sharks and gambling going around Baltic Avenue. That place is ghetto anyway.
Breaking! Check out this prophetic McDonald’s commercial from 2001. It features a fresh-faced and still closeted Lance Bass playing “Spin the Bottle” with the rest of Nâ€™Sync squad, plus a surprisingly well-kempt Britney Spears. The result of Lanceâ€™s over-eager bottle twirl isâ€¦ wellâ€¦ the final expression should sum it up nicely.
What are you doing tonight at 10 pm? If you had any sense, you’d be curled up on your couch with a diamond studded pashmina at your feet, watching the third installment of Project Runway. Props to reader stilettoxmafia who dropped a thorough and fun Project Runway Drinking Game! We’ve tacked on some extra things to watch/sip out for tonight.
- One for Time Gunn saying either “make it work” or “carry on.”
- One for a product placement references. Example, “Send your models to the Tresemee hair salor and use the Macy’s accessory wall.”
Proppers to Defamer for catching this clip of Collin Farrell (who might still be rattled by his recent super-fan troubles) on The Today Show, which sent us into a hellish flashback when Colin begins loudly proclaiming that Matt Lauer is being “glib”. If this outburst wasn’t stress-related, but instead just an ill-conceived attempt at Cruise humor, he should have completed the bit by doing Tom’s Thetan Dance right there in Rockefeller Center. You don’t half-ass on “The Cruise”, especially when you’re surrounded by a crowd of gawking midwesterners who came all the way to NY to see it.
Our friends over at Double Viking pointed out some website’s list of the Top Five TV Intros All Time. While this nostalgic stroll down TV memory lane was certainly enjoyable, we were more than a little dismayed to discover that OUR favorite TV Intro of All Time was conspicuously missing. So after you check out what those guys call “the best”, watch the true genius below and help us understand why there is no justice in the world.
Arbitor of Truth Â© US Magazine reports that Tori Spelling will only be receiving .16 percent of her father’s multi-million dollar fortune, as a result of a falling out with mother Candy Spelling. Estimations report that Spelling will only reap a measly $800,000 out of the death-pact, which as any ex-alum of 90210 knows, is barely enough to pay the help (read: Brian Austin-Green). It’s gonna be a tough life for Tori Spelling, but we believe that with enough miserly know-how and financial smarts, she can still live a pretty good life. Here are a few tips to help Tori save/earn some cash:
1. Melt down your 24K gold toilet and sell it for cash. Then, crap into Ziplock bags.
2. Remove your breast implants and use the saline as contact lens solution.
Is that a little baby bulge we see, Tom Hanks? We’re thinking it is, judging by how proudly you seem to be showcasing your bulge at the Ant Bully premiere. We think other Hollywood A-list actors should take your cue and be proud of their bulges — it’s one of the most beautiful things Mother Nature has to offer us! And we like nothing more than an A-list bulge swathed in stone-washed denim. Keep it up, Tom!
Tonight we bid adieu to one of the most influential shows of our generation. Actually, let me rephrase that- THE most influential show of our generation. A show that has made us laugh, made us cry, and touched us in ways we never dreamt imaginable. Tonight, when the final episode comes to a close and the credits begin to roll down the screen, a part of each and every one of us will die. We’ll never be the same. And we’re going to have to learn to live with that… one day at a time.
So goodbye, Blue Collar TV. We shall never forget you.
What are YOU watching tonight? Vote now.