We’re only one week into the World Cup and I’m already exhausted. It’s not easy to pretend to care about soccer day in and day out. As an American I know that none of us actually care about soccer, but for some reason during the World Cup we all have to pretend. It’s our duty. That’s why I made this list: Here are 7 tips to help you fool the people around you into thinking you actually care about World Cup soccer. I hope it helps.
1. Pick a favorite team. You can either go with your country of origin, your parents’ country of origin, or one of those countries in South America if you want to look like you know what you’re doing and be a dick about it.
2. Be disappointed in the U.S. I mean, I was expecting BIG THINGS from this team, and then they went and blew it against the Czech Republic. Can you even name one player on the Czech Republic? Me neither. Of course, I can’t name one player on team USA either, but that’s not important. We choked and I’m so disappointed.
3. Buy a soccer jersey. Casual friday is coming up. What better way to let the people in your office know that you’re a big time World Cup junkie than wearing khakis and a Ronaldo jersey to work?
4. Constantly check your cell phone in public for scoring updates. Make sure you do this roughly every two minutes, because you never know when that ONE goal in the game is going to be scored.
5. Call it ‘football.’ Though if you’re American and you do this within ten feet of me, I’ll probably punch you in the throat.
6. Watch games that involve countries you couldn’t find on a map. Oh man, I am so psyched for June 21! Cote d’Ivoire is taking on Serbia-Montenegro. It’s going to be such a great game! I hope I don’t forget to set my Tivo!
7. Make casual conversation with busboys and/or anybody who’s ‘Spanishy looking’ that you pass on the street. Because if World Cup soccer does one thing, it’s bind us all together through our mutual undying world-wide love of soccer. Except when we riot and kill each other over bad calls.
As I’m sure you’re all really excited about getting together with friends and loved ones tonight for your big ‘Britney Spears Interview Exclusive with Matt Lauer’ viewing party (don’t forget the Cheetoh’s!), we’ve decided to provide with you with this morning’s Today Show preview of the pop singer’s tearful insights on what it’s like to be “happily” married to K-Fed, incessantly harassed by the paparazzi and unfairly judged by all of humanity. We’ll have BWE coverage of the full interview tomorrow morning!
Everyone’s got a problem with their iPod, either it runs out of batteries or the volume’s screwed up or in my case purple nerds are embedded in the charger socket. It seems that although a great invention, they just haven’t perfected the portable music player yet.
The some one devised a plan that was so crazy it had to work. What if you could listen to your iPod on speakers and go number two simultaneously? It may not fix all your iProblems, but what a way to iPoop. Introducing the iCarta, the first ever fusion toilet paper-iPod stereo that can easily be affixed on any bathroom wall. For just $99, you can turn up the tune and reach for toilet paper with the same hand. Ladies and gentleman welcome to the future.
In an effort to bridge the gap between you and your dad, we here at BWE are offering a line of Father’s Day E-Cards. The first one in the series is for the man who (may or may not be) the best dad in the world! Click the Thumbnail to the left, save the image to your computer and then send it to your dad… but not before you re-teach him how to check his email for the 1,000th time. Pshhh. Parents. Will they ever learn?
This week a celebrity photographer filed a police report against Bruce Willis, alleging that the action star assulted him while walking into a swanky sushi bar, resulting in scratches and a chipped tooth from the camera hitting his face. Take a look at this exclusive video footage (scroll down- Lulop asked us to remove the deep link) of the incident and decide whether Bruce went a little too “Yippee-ki-yay, motherf*cker” on the guy, or if it’s just another case of pouting paparazzi.
Like everything else in Hollywood, philanthropic causes are susceptible to the fickle nature of celebrities, who are desperate to associate themselves with whatever happens to be the hippest, hottest issues du jour. The AIDS epidemic, in it’s 25th year of destructive existence, now seems to have been tossed aside by Hollywood do-gooders like an ironic trucker’s hat, just another tired trend abandoned for the latest vogue charitable causes – African countries no one’s previously heard of, environmental warming type stuff, “stopping” Bush, and so on and so forth. Angelina Jolie, like a way hotter and more famous Sally Struthers, has almost single-handedly turned the bright lights of Tinseltown towards the abject misery and suffering that impoverished African nations have been experiencing, to no one’s particular interest, for decades. So is Hollywood’s waning concern for the global threat of AIDS the result of Charity Attention Deficit Disorder, or have they collectively decided that the disease is only a real threat to poor people in Africa, who they’re now trying to help anyway? And if the latter is true, is that why celebrities recently seem to have forgotten about the existence of condoms and keep getting themselves knocked up? Take our poll and tell us what YOU think is the #1 coolest cause to be seen with today!
Remember when we told you how Jenna Elfman and her husband accosted director John Roecker for wearing a “Scientology is Gay” T-shirt?” We thought the most bizarre part of the story was that Jenna asked Roecker if he ever “raped a baby.” Well, apparently that phrase isn’t just something she picked up on the set of Dharma & Greg. The Scoop explains:
What on earth was Jenna Elfman referring to when she asked film director John Roecker, â€œHave you raped a baby?â€ The â€œKeeping the Faithâ€ star reportedly asked the question of Roecker when she saw him wearing a T-shirt mocking her religion, Scientology. â€œItâ€™s one of the questions Scientologists are asked by Scientology leaders when theyâ€™ve misbehaved,â€ a source familiar with the religion explains.
So there you have it; it’s just a normal Scientology phrase. Now whoever said that that religion was weird?
Look, everyone gets their kicks in their own way. Some people like to watch teen sex, while others like to write about it graphically, in outrage. After a recent episode of the CBS crime drama “Without a Trace,” that showed a little too much hot teen sex, the network was flooded with emails that graphically describe the offenses of the orgy scene depicted on the show, even though most came from people who didn’t even see the episode. As a result, the FCC served CBS with a $3.3 million indecency fine.
According to the sexually-frustrated complaint from the Parents Television Council, the episode features a teen in “a bra and panties sitting astride the lap of a teenaged boy” and other young actors making “sexual bump and grind motions.” Astride? Bump n Grind? It must have taken a lot of restraint to not use the phrase “pulsating love plunger.” Though I do think the complaint’s cover page featured Fabio in an unbuttoned blouse. If you don’t get off on graphic harlequin-style parental complaints, you may prefer to watch the actual clip in question here. To each his own.
Now that promising pupil Darth Britney Spears has been vanquished by the Jedi mind tricks of K-Fed, the Sith Lord Madonna has taken on a new apprentice – Darth Lindsay Lohan. MSNBC reports that Lohan’s initial flirtation with Kabbalah has evolved into some heavy petting via regular meetings with the Material Girl, and is now reaching the point of consumation, as the two divas are now discussing collaborating on a duet. So can we look forward to seeing these multi-generational sex symbols engaged in an awkwardly calculated mother-daughter Awards Show lesbian kiss anytime soon? Unfortunately, they just missed the MTV Movie Awards and the Oscars are still months away.