IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Natalie Portman’s Japanese Commercial

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Jennifer Aniston isn’t the only celebrity doing commercials overseas. Watch this baffling Japanese ad starring Natalie Portman, not with the bald-head we know and love, but with long lustrous black hair that may not belong to her. Note the scientific explanation of how the hair product works. Does it at all remind you of The Abyss?     (thanks IDLYITW)

Cruse/Lauer 2: Only the Glib Survive

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In his latest Tom Cruise roundup, Ted Casablancas informs us that Captain Thetan is interested in another round of spirited debate with Matt Lauer.  Will Cruise finally convert Lauer to the path of Scientology?  Will Matt continue being glib?  Could we get the two into a no-holds-barred tag team cage match with post-partum rivals Brooke Shields and Katie Holmes?  Can the world really handle another meeting of these two awesome minds?

There are so many questions, and only time and the MI:3 publicity department will tell…

Is Kenzie Dalton Having the Best Week Ever?

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First this One Tree Hill extra managed to nab dreamboat Chad Michael Murray from the clutches of his co-star and now-ex wife Sophia Bush.Then Kenzie Dalton made every pre-teen girl in the country seethe with venomous, near-psychotic envy when she made out with CMM at a charity basketball game this past week. Now the couple are rumored to be engaged, nearly guaranteeing Kenzie a major, reoccurring role on the show.

But after a quick google search we learned that this "18" year old didn’t just get lucky with Chad (OK well she probably did), no, she’s knows exactly what she’s doing. While she’s billed as a model in the press, she’s actually a teen beauty queen with lots of experience beating out other girls to win a prize. Check out her perky Miss Teen North Carolina Contestant photo. That practiced sunshiny smile was bright enough to land her the title of first runner up in the contest. I guess if you can’t be Miss Teen North Carolina, being Mrs. Chad Michael Murray is the next best thing. Let’s see if she can keep that title longer than the last winner.

SIZZLER: Pink’s XXX iChat

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Pop-singer Pink recently shared her secret for keeping the home fires burning while she’s on the road touring: she has sex with her new hubby via webcam.  See, even celebrity spouses are cruising the Internets for porn – they really are just like us!

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Rhcp
    Culture Bully has an mp3 of the new Red Hot Chili Peppers track "Dani California." In case you were wondering, The RHCP still sound like the RHCP and they still love California. Now you know.
  • The Raconteurs album is still over a month away, but here’s another track for you. "Hands" courtesy of People of Paper.
  • I love being Comfortably Dumb. And I love the blog too, thanks to new tracks by Snow Patrol, The Zutons and Morrissey. Also check out The Subways and Robert Pollard while you’re there.
  • Neiles Life posted a bunch Liars tracks today, but if you’re like me you’re going to want to scroll down to Thursday’s update and download some new tracks by The Streets instead.
  • Giant Drag is great, and if you haven’t heard them cover "Wicked Game" or "God Only Knows" yet, today’s your lucky day. Head over to Black Country Grammar now.
  • What did I learn at The Underrated Blog today? That Tom Vek only has one testicle and that the new Stills songs are awesome. That’s enough new information for one day.

While You Were Failing To Launch

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  • Clooney_1Manwhore George Clooney managed to stave off the advances of Womanwhore Lindsay Lohan, mercifully avoiding the apocalyptic tabloid nuclear fallout that would have resulted.  It’s good to know that Oscar George is above Wilmer Valderrama’s table scraps, whereas Batman George probably wasn’t.
  • A fan threw a syringe at Giants slugger Barry Bonds as he played in the outfield yesterday.  Jeez, whatever happened to peanuts and crackerjacks? 
  • "Uncle Jesse" John Stamos will become a regular in the cast of ER this fall.  Meanwhile "Unlce Joey" Dave Coulier will continue being a regular at the Sunshine Diner on Fairfax.
  • Ambien on your Corn Flakes?  The Breakfast of Champions.  And by "champions", I mean cokehead has-beens two casino tours away from the cast of The Surreal Life
  • Recently sprung supermodel Naomi Campbell visited peace activist and former South African President Nelson Mandela. Mandela had to repeatedly explain to Campbell that she couldn’t fight apartheid with her "cellphone of mass destruction".
  • Scandal-plagued Republican Tom DeLay has been forced to step down from Congress.  During his farewell address, DeLay reportedly shook his fist and yelled, "And I would’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you snooping blogs!"

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Naked News Streaker

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Yesterday we were treated to a rear-view of super-celebrity Lindsay Lohan. And if that weren’t enough, we discovered the exposed frank n’ beans belonging to the less-famous, but equally as shameless Brian Cox during his appearance on the The Tony Danza Show. And today, we bring you the bare naked ass of a complete stranger. Smit Happens has footage of a local news station’s unexpected visit this past weekend from a streaker. Read more about how the event shocked the Dallas news station, and check back here for more brief nudie shots before we start charging you for it.

Pimping Out the Dead

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Bob already mentioned the recent advertisement depicting the late Chris Farley in an attempt to sell pharmaceuticals.  But this got me thinking – why stop there?  What other products could use the long-deceased face of some of history’s most recognizable celebs?  I mean, it’s not like they can say "no".  Check out what I came up with!

Read more…

BWE Photoshop Contest: Covais In Yo Face

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American Idol
is on tonight, but who are we kidding? Things just haven’t been the same post-KC. No, not Kurt Cobain, I’m talking about the other KC– Kevin Covais (a.k.a. Chicken Little.)

In an effort to fill the KC void in my life, I’ve been listening to a lot of In Utero and photoshopping Kevin Covais’ face onto anything and everything. It helps ease the pain. That’s why we’re holding a Kevin Covais In Yo Face Photoshop Contest. Click below, you’ll get a series of Covais faces. Put them anywhere. Everywhere. And email your submissions to BWEphotoshopContest@gmail.com. We’ll post our favorites on Friday.

So go ahead. Where are you going to put your not-quite American Idol?

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