It rarely happens, but when it does, it’ll knock the wind outta ya. I refer, of course, to celebrity aging. Take, for example, Ethan Embry. When I think of Ethan Embry, I think of the adorable teen heartthrob from Dutch, Empire Records, and the most underrated movie of our time, Can’t Hardly Wait. So when I read the Go Fug Yourself headline “Celebrity Giamatti Watch: Ethan Embry“, I didn’t quite catch their meaning. Ethan Embry… Paul Giamatti… two of the finest actors of our time, sure… but that’s about the only comparison I could think of. It’s been years since I’ve seen Embry, but come on — how bad can a handful of years age you?
Well. Prepare to yell out a resounding OMG (as I did), and take a look at this current picture of dear, sweet, adorable Ethan. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still marry him… but I’d totally have upper hand.
A small independent production company has Hollywood producers up in arms over their decision to release a straight-to-video film entitled Snakes on a Train, in a clearly calculated attempt to cash in on the hysteria surrounding blog-annointed cult-film-to-be Snakes on a Plane. While the move isn’t particularly surprising, it is interesting to ponder the philosophical puzzle this future bargain bin video presents: could people be as ironically influenced by a schlocky fright film that takes place not in high altitudes, but in the relative safety of train tracks? Should we find this premise even funnier, or more ridiculous, or both – and most importantly, do we love it? Granted, we were one of the first blogs to slither onto the Snakes on a Plane bandwagon, but this is all starting to get seriously confusing.
Two bits of news today have reinvigorated our faith in Hollywood and the whores that run it. Let’s get to the soul-crushing news first. 12-year-old Dakota Fanning, an actress who’s been in the business for 37 years, will be sucking more than human souls in her upcoming movie Hounddog. In an effort to blindside Oscar voters, Fanning will play a little girl who gets (Ed Note: Brace for shock) raped in one scene, and may appear nude in other scenes. Pardon us while we wash our eyesockets out with a flame thrower.
On the bright side, the world is bending over backwards at the news that Heath Ledger has been cast as the Joker in Christopher Nolan‘s upcoming Batman sequel. Heath Ledger and Christian Bale on screen together? I’m calling Brokeback chemistry! Check out our rendering of Heath as “The Joker” below — do you think Ledger can pull it off?
To those not familiar with Brit-Rock band Muse, here is a good way to describe them: They sound like Radiohead when Radiohead meant Radiohead and not a gaggle of robots armed with deadly bell noises. That is to say, you can listen to Muse all the live long day and never really get tired of the songs. After hearing their latest album, Black Holes and Revelations, the good news is they’re sticking to their Radiohead-ness and not drifting off into Martian-Synthesizer-Ville. To get an idea of their sound, check out this wacky video for their single “Knights of Cydonia”.
Wow. In just one day we’ve received so many responses to our latest Photoshop Contest that we have to share a few of our favorites with you. When you have the Sexiest Man Alive contorting himself on the floor with his mouth wide-open the possibilites are endless. Or so we’ve learned
Click below to see some of the entries. And click here to get your own McConaughey to work with.
We haven’t picked a winner yet, so keep on sending your submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Tomorrow we’ll choose a favorite and send whoever made it a sweet prize, so get to work. Good luck!
It’s 2:32 p.m., and you know what that means: Time for a round of Celebrity Math! Scroll down and see if you can guess what the equation adds up to. Here’s a hint: His upcoming movie should be renamed Unfunny Teen Comedies Must Die.
As if incessant product placement wasn’t bad enough, our friends in Hollywood are turning the tables and now placing their TV programs on products we use in our everyday lives – starting with regular old eggs! We think this is a marketing move of such sheer genius that we’ve taken it upon ourselves to suggest some other product tie-ins for some of television’s most popular shows, along with corresponding slogans – check them out!
American Idol – Earplugs
“Because sometimes you don’t want to hear things that are unpleasant.”
Rocky Balboa, the highly anticipated sixth sequel in the Rocky franchise, will be poorly enunciating its way to theaters this Christmas. But for those of you too pumped on roids to wait another six months for Sly Stallone‘s stair-climbing goodness, worry not. In Living Color had the comedic intuition to make their own Rocky 6 way back in 1990. You might need to drink some water while watching: Seeing Jim Carrey actually be funny is cause for an aneurysm. Also, we’re not sure what the deal is with those foreign-looking subtitles, but we pray that the real Rocky Balboa will follow suit. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to slap some bracelets on my wrists and practice my Fly Girl routine.
GeoffreyG dropped a new Mario In MySpace cartoon. This time, Mario and Luigi debate the pros and cons of expanding your Top 8. This is, without a doubt, the funniest MySpace parody involving characters from 1980’s Nintendo games EVER. Don’t believe me? See for yourself.
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