It’s July 5th; What’s up?


tommy lee.jpgApparently if you’re a washed-up rock star you can’t just form a band with other washed-up rock stars anymore. Nowadays you have to make a reality show about forming a band with other washed-up rock stars, which explains why Tommy Lee, the old bass player from Metallica, and one of the old guitarists from Guns ‘N Roses (not Buckethead, sadly) signed on for Rock Star: Supernova. Fifteen singers will compete to be the next Vince Neil/ James Hetfield/ Axl Rose– a thought that’s scary in and of itself. The series should be fun to watch, though, as I’d imagine these guys will end up pulling much hotter groupies than the INXS dudes from last season. You know I’ll be watching.

Also on tonight- America’s Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance, Blue Collar TV, and a bunch more. What are YOU watching? Vote now!

While You Were Watching the Firecrotchworks



  • Lil’ Kim, fresh out of her lil’ stint in prison, reportedly gained a lil’ weight while she was in the can. In Kim’s defense, the food probably is pretty good there – and who really has the time to exercise?
  • Terrance Howard, whose next role is a swimming coach for a team of troubled teens, is clearly a student of the Cuba Gooding Jr./Samuel L. Jackson School of Post-Oscars Career Destruction Through Boring, Feel-Good Film Choices.
  • Mariah Carey says she will only eat things that are purple. Look, just because you were drunk at a party and tried to make a brazen pass at Prince and his purple package, doesn’t mean you need to lie about your entire diet.
  • According to Page Six (8th item), Kathy Hilton, probably deep into her 6th vodka-xanax martini during her party in the Hamptons this past weekend, mistook Bryant Gumbel for Star Jones’ husband Al Reynolds while greeting the recently-departed host of The View. Gumbel was a little offended, but kept reassuring himself by saying, “at least she wasn’t talking about Al Roker“.
  • Enron’s Ken Lay, who was facing life in prison for his part in one of the biggest corporate frauds in US history, died this past weekend from a heart attack. I know all dogs go to heaven, but what about all rich corporate crooks who made their fortunes by robbing hard-working Americans? Where do they go?

Best of the Best Week Ever: Star Wars



  • Star Jones’ utterly unsurprising exit from The View was the first shot fired in a bloody gansta-style publicity shootout that included Barbara Walters bashing Star on the next morning’s show, and Star returning fire by whining about it to whoever would listen. By the end of it, nobody died and nobody cared.
  • Tori Spelling pays fond tribute to her late father’s legacy by exploiting him just one last time.
  • Speaking of, weren’t you wondering whatever happened to the rest the West Beverly High gang? Then drop in on our 90210 Ten-Year Class Reunion!
  • Nude pregnant meltdown Britney Spears or nude smoking hot Christina Aguilera? You make the call!
  • Rush Limbaugh publicly smooching Chloe from 24 has sent us into a hellish introspective nightmare of such reality-crushing proportions that we’re either going to spend the rest of our lives in intensive psychotherapy, or do a bunch of acid and convert to Scientology. We still haven’t decided.
  • Joe Rogan ain’t got sh*t on Fear Factor, Maury Povich-style.
  • Save yourself a whole lot of time, money and hacky plot lines by appreciating the wide range of comedic genius Adam Sandler has shown himself to be capable of.
  • Have a Happy 4th – and don’t forget to stumble your way through the holiday weekend after playing our Shuffling iPods Drinking Game.

Shuffling Towards the Weekend Drinking Game!


shuffledrinking.JPGIn our endless quest to discover new and exciting ways to make your life more fun, we’ve come up with a saucy new spin on our beloved Shuffling Towards the Weekend feature. See, there’s only one thing we love more than shuffling our iPods and sharing the resulting 5 five songs, and that thing is booze. So in a moment of inspired drunken genius, we’ve developed a fun way to combine our two great loves into one awesome drinking game. Best part is you can play with friends or (if you’re like us and tend to do most of your drinking alone while surfing the Internet) all by yourselves! See how the game works after the jump, then knock yourselves out with it (maybe literally). But don’t forget to post your first five resulting songs in the comments section so people without iPods can play along too!

Read more…

ICYMI: Star Jones Is Sympathetic


How could anybody not love Star Jones? She’s so beautiful and sweet and she’s such a victim. The poor woman has been through so much… how could you not feel bad for her? Especially with the way she’s been treated by the people over at the View. I mean, the nerve. Watch this clip from the Today show and feel bad for her, people. Feel very, very bad for her.

Poor woman. Poor, poor woman.

CAPTION THIS! Fergie Ends It All


On stage Fergie acts out what everybody else in the world thinks every time they hear “My Humps”.

Your turn. Add your Captions in the Comments now!

PROPPED: Top 10 Worst Celebrity Music Video Crossovers


You don’t want to work today, do you? Of course not- it’s Friday! Here, let me help. DWMowery dropped this list of the Top 10 Worst Celebrity Music Video Crossovers, complete with YouTube videos for each of them. So forget about being productive- watch William Shatner, Don Johnson, Eddie Murphy & Patrick Swayze and a other big stars embarrass themselves. Come on. You deserve it. Here, start it with this one:

Got something of your own you want to share with us? Drop it now!

Paris Is Still Leaking


paris-hilton-leak.jpgLook, all the fireworks and rock music this weekend are probably going to take a toll on your hearing, so why not try a little pre-emptive warm up exercise so that your poor ears can build up a bit of a tolerance to all the pain and suffering you’re going to inflict on them this weekend? Might I suggest turning up your volume and listening to “Turn It Up”, the latest leaked track from Paris Hilton’s forthcoming contribution to the pantheon of ill-conceived musical endeavors. Interestingly enough, if you put on headphones and listen to the song while watching the first three minutes of You Got Served, you will actually see God, and he will regretfully inform you that he is dead and life is meaningless. But hey, at least now you can finally stop listening to “Stars Are Blind” over and over.

It’s June 30th; What’s up?


donal.jpgI’m mad at MTV. Back in the good old days (the 90′s) I’d get excited for holiday weekends because you knew it meant MTV would roll out one of their patented Top 200 Videos Of All Time specials that would air non-stop and inevitably finish with “Smells Like Teen Spirit” or “Thriller” in the number 1 spot. Those were the best! Nowadays, they don’t do that anymore. In fact, the only marathon I could find on TV this weekend is the Grounded For Life marathon on Fox and honestly, that just doesn’t do it for me.

But what else is on this weekend? Well, tonight Fox is continuing to bust out this past season of 24 in two-hour increments, so that’s definitely worth watching. The Henry Rollins Show welcomes Billy Bob Thornton tomorrow night which should be interesting. And on Sunday we have the full HBO lineup complete with Deadwood, Entourage, Lucky Louis, and the Dane Cook show nobody likes. So what are YOU watching this weekend? Vote now!

Rob Schneider’s Omen


rob schneider.jpgRob Schneider was taken to the hospital after collapsing from food poisoning and heat exhaustion during the filming of his upcoming movie Big Stan.

Food poisoning and heat exhaustion, eh? I don’t believe. I think this was an act of God. Just look at the IMDB plot outline:

A weak con man panics when he learns he’s going to prison for fraud. He hires a mysterious martial arts guru who helps transform him into a martial arts expert who can fight off inmates who want to hurt or love him.

After letting Little Man get off scott-free, clearly the Big Guy is trying to make it up to us. Thanks… we owe you.