Oscar Speeches That Never Were

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Denzel
As this weekend’s Oscar hopefuls are nervously pacing around their mansions in the Hollywood hills, loudly demanding that their high-priced speechwriters make their  prepared statements sound simultaneously smarter, more natural and "kind of but not too political", our friends over at CRACKED have gotten their hands on some Rough Drafts of Past Oscar Acceptance Speeches

Check them out! 

Oscar Week: Get to Know Your Best-Director Nominees

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Match the nominee to a little-known fact (answers after the jump):

1. Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain) 2. Bennett Miller (Capote) 3. Paul Haggis (Crash) 4. George Clooney (Good Night, and Good Luck) 5. Steven Spielberg (Munich)

A. Owns a pet pig named Max.
B. Had a heart attack while filming his Oscar-nominated movie.
C. While attending NYU, worked on one of Spike Lee‘s student films.
D. Applied to USC Cinema School twice and was turned down both times.
E. Directed The Cruise, a documentary about a double-decker bus tour guide.

Read more…

Prank Phone Calls With Flair

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There’s nothing more juvenile than prank phone calls. And using soundboards to make prank phone calls is so 20th century. Finally, everyone in the world has his own impression of Bill Lumbergh from Office Space. So why am I linking to this prank phone call using clips from an Office Space soundboard?  Because it still makes me laugh, and I just can’t help myself. Go here for even more prank calls. If you heard them before, why not listen to them again for the first time?

S’more Lohan

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While you may have seen lots of Lindsay Lohan’s candid pictures on other site, you probably missed the captions since her friend took them down. Like this one.

Letos_1 Caption: S’mores at Letos

We knew Jared Leto was a bad influence on Lindsay. Ever since she hooked up with the Hollywood player, she’s been partying harder than ever before.  But we never imagined he’d get her into s’mores. That sh*t is addictive.

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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    GvB has a nice little Beck cover of Nick Drake/Volkswagon’s classic, Pink Moon.
  • Yay!  A new Ambulance LTD track from You Ain’t No Picasso!
  • Fluxblog has live cuts from The New Pornographers and Belle & Sebastian, who are currently touring the US together. 
  • A couple of eclectic freak-pop tracks from Love Is All and Wooden Wand & the Vanishing Voice over at Said the Gramophone.
  • It’s Friday, so head on over to Sixeyes and rip open a six-pack of preview tracks from SXSW bands.
  • For those of you who were digging Jon Brion in yesterday’s post, head over to The Rawking Refuses to Stop for some more of my favorite troubador – this time covering Elliot Smith

WHILE YOU WERE SLANDERING A DIAMOND HEIRESS

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  • A date was set in the slander case brought against Paris Hilton by diamond heiress Zeta Graff. Not the greatest news for her, but at least Graff didn’t do voodoo on her as she had feared. 
  • Kid Rock says Scott Stapp is an "idiot" for losing their sex tape. Wow, being called an idiot by Kid Rock. It is indeed good to be the king.
  • The headmaster of Michele Williams‘ former school (Santa Fe Christian) is upset at her because her work "doesn’t represent the values of this institution." He’s making her come to school for five Saturdays as punishment.
  • Leonard Cohen won $9.5 million in a lawsuit against his former business manager. I bet you never knew there is so much money in being a depressing Canadian poet/songwriter.
  • Scarlett Johansson is willing to forgive Isaac Mizrahi for groping her on the red carpet at the Golden Globe Awards. Mizrahi responded, "Really? What panties was she wearing?"
  • While Cameron Diaz is off filming a movie, Justin Timberlake "appears to be living the single life," but friends say the long leash is one of the keys to their relationship’s success. It’s amazing how easy it is to stay together when you’re apart.

Paris is Contagious

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According to techie experts, there is a new virus infiltrating emails offering nude pictures of Paris Hilton. Called Bagle-do, the worm prompts readers to open the file promising a glimpse at the celebrity, but then infects their computer and potentially others who receive emails from that computer. The highly contagious virus spreads quickly from email to email, but often it’s symptoms are undetectable. And while there’s no cure, Valtrex does help reduce sypmtoms.

Kevin Covais: Me Talk Pretty One Day

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Here’s what Grey’s Anatomy writer Krista Vernoff had to say on the show’s blog about American Idol contestant Kevin Covais:

WHY IS NO ONE  TALKING ABOUT KEVIN COVAIS’ SPEECH IMPEDIMENT? Seriously, how are you supposed to have a professional singing career when you sound like this: “You should have told me yourthelf, that you loved thomeone elth, insthead I heard it through the grapevine…”???  He is sweet kid – even a talented singer, but seriously!

Now I see why all the patients on Grey’s Anatomy have ridiculous diseases: The writers think that disabilities are something to make fun of. Nice job, Krista!