They did it again. Every episode of South Park has been f’ing unbelievable this season, with last night’s take-off of the Oprah/ James Fray story being no exception. Check out this clip now (before YouTube pulls it down). Oh, and in case you were wondering… yes, that is Oprah’s vagina talking at one point. I’m telling ya, you have to watch South Park. [for the time being, you can watch the entire episode here, here, and then here. Do it quick!]
Forget the guest appearance on Veronica Mars or the very public date with Nick Lachey, the best way to launch your acting career is to be Jake Gyllenahaal’s best bud. Just ask Austin Nichols, the small time actor who’s recent public appearances with the Brokeback Mountain star, has landed him a talent deal with HBO. Now that Nichols will star in one of the cable network’s next big projects, Jakey G may need a replacement bro. Duties include attending Lakers games, walking with Jake down the street and displaying just enough borderline homoerotic man love to appeal to those of all sexual orientations.
- Attention gigantic NFL offensive linemen: you DO NOT approach American Idol runner-up Bo Bice in a bar without feeling the wrath of this long-haired redneck tough guy.
- Mariah Carey is the new forehead of Pepsi.
- If anyone has to drug and date rape women, it’s Matthew McConaughey.
- TVGasm travels to the future of Suri Cruise!
- Brad Pitt’s bodyguard, Bruiser, was not kidding around when he said he’d "smash somebody to pieces" if they tried taking pictures.
- This Arrested Development poster is awesome. Now that I think about it, David Cross DOES kind of look like C-3PO.
Suri’s only been on this planet for a little over a day now, but Tom & Katie’s alien baby is already adapting to the ways of the world and attempting to integrate herself into society as one of "us." The first step? Creating a MySpace profile, of course.
Click here to see baby Suri’s brand new MySpace page. Unfortunately you can only view her profile if she’s your friend… or if you’re a Scientologist… which I find kind of humbling considering I’ve been alive for 26 years and I’ll let anybody be my friend. Seriously. You and your crappy band? Add me. Suri’s much more selective.
Well, I sent Suri a friend request from Best Week Ever. Because when you’re dealing with an alien baby that may take over the world someday, I think it’s smart to be on their good side. Don’t you? [link via A Socialite's Life]
It’s 4/20 !!!! and you know what that means… that’s right it’s National High Five Day!
So go give your volleyball coach, your cool principal who pairs a suit with a backwards baseball cap, or the guy in the office who is often mistaken for raising his hand, one big juicy, echoing high five.
Because on 4/20 there’s no better high than a natural high, right kids?
Shea Hess is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including American Idol, Celeb Cooking Showdown, Standard of Perfection, and Invasion!
PROOF THAT TV VIEWERS ARE SHREWD NEGOTIATORS: Due to sliding ratings, NBC is now offering $10,000 to people who watch The Apprentice. I think we should hold out for $12,000. (Reality Blurred)
OUT OF TOUCH MOM TERMINOLOGY: British Tabloid calls former pop star George Michael a "stoned waster" (The Mirror)
PROOF WE’RE ONE SIMPSON TOO MANY: Ashlee Simpson’s new song L.O.V.E was just released on her website. (AshleeSimpsonMusic)
VOICE-MAIL: Faye Dunaway’s angry voice messages left throughout the day on the phone of a producer making a TV movie of her life. While she wants to forget Mommy Dearest, it’s clear why she’ll never outlive the role. (Wow Report)
- Nick Lachey banned camera phones from his new sitcom, He Said, She Said for fear of being tabloid fodder. Cameras are fine though.
- American Idol makes people famous. And then makes them drunkards, just ask Paula.
- Pink has a tattoo designed to look like a help button. Clearly, it’s broken.
- Paris Hilton is releasing her own line of mobile games. Or so she’s been told by her handlers.
- Tabloid apologizes for saying Terri Hatcher has sex in a van, an accusation that angered the cautious single mom. In fact it was a mini-van.
- Jamie Lynn Sigler is hooking up with Ashley Olsen ex Scott Sartaino. But her next big challenge is Stavros.
Springtime means a lot of things: nicer weather, less clothing, longer afternoons – and bro’in out to a jammin’ live show from The Dave Matthews Band with your bro’s, bro. So get yourself in the "jammy" mood with this sweet footage of DMB Live! (Yes, it’s a slow day.)
R. Kelly returned to New York this week for the first time since 2004. Well, on behalf of all New York, allow me to say that he was missed. During last night’s sold out Radio City Music Hall show, R previewed an unreleased song titled "The Zoo" that contained the following lyrics:
"It’s like Jurassic Park, but I’m your Sexasaurus" and "You and me hopping like two kangaroos… you got me locked in your cage of ecstasy and I don’t want to be free… I’m your Tarzan and you’re my Jane." Wow. Just. Wow.
I for one think it’s about time Sexasauruses got their due. I’ve seen all three Jurassic Park movies, and not once did they talk about the Sexasaurus. Kudos to R. Kelly for stepping up and bringing this extinct-but-not-forgotten dinosaur to the attention of the American Public for the first time… ever. Oh, and for the record, accused pedophile R. Kelly has titled his next album Making Babies. Thankfully he does not go into specifics as to what he’s making them do, exactly. But you can imagine. [Read the MTV News article here ]