Are Monkeys Having the Best Week Ever?

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If you were a monkey this week, you were sitting pretty. Just look at all the good stuff that happened with our primate relatives: Yesterday, the British phenomenon The Arctic Monkeys announced they’re almost done with their second album. Then the canceled CBS show, Love Monkey, is picked up by VH1. But wait there’s more: a Brooklyn anthropologist discovered a new species of monkeys. And fakebands.com debuts a book about the best fake bands of all time (featuring the Monkees)

And if that weren’t enough to make any monkey happy as a clam, today on youtube you can watch Karate Kid reenacted by three guys in monkeys suits.

For more movies artfully reenacted by monkeys go to clefpalate.com.

Questionable PR Move of The Week

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Why would anybody possibly go see Basic Instinct 2 this weekend?

1) They were dared to.
2) They’re into older women. Like much older women.
3) The wife won’t let them watch porn at home.
4) They remember seeing bits of pieces of the first one on HBO when they were a kid and want to see if it’s still enough to get them off.

I can’t think of anymore. Okay, so that leads to the questionable PR move of the weak. The deleted sex scenes from Basic Instinct 2 have been "leaked" onto the internet, begging the question: if these were the scenes that were cut out of the film, why would anybody possibly pay $10 to see a tamer, lamer version in theaters? The plot?? No way! It’d be like buying the Paris Hilton sex tape but only watching that annoying scene where she’s putting on makeup in the bathroom. Come on MGM, get it together. Why go buy the old, wrinkly cow when you can get the milk for free? [save yourself some money and watch the NSFW scenes here]

Lost Diagram Makes Us More Lost

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For all you Lost fans, last night’s episode was filled with hidden clues. The biggest came when John Locke was trapped under the door, and a diagram was revealed on the wall. While the producers of the show only wanted you to see the diagram for a second, thanks to modern technology we took a screen grab in order to decode its clues. Unfortunately, we still have no idea what it means. So we’re putting our faith in you diehard fans, click on the diagram and tell us what the F it means!

WHILE YOU WERE HAVING A PINT WITH MORTIMER MARTIN

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Justin

  • The New York Daily News has a list of the 20 most unnecessary sequels, inspired by the upcoming Basic Instinct 2. The question is, what exactly is a necessary sequel?
  • Gwyneth Paltrow was spotted having a Guinness, even though she’s pregnant (which is actually fine as long as she doesn’t do it too often). Well, that explains the names.
  • Justin Timberlake thinks Kevin Federline is gross. No comment necessary.
  • Is Katie Holmes so stressed that she will give birth without Tom Cruise there? Most people really just want to know if he was there at the conception.
  • Worried about lawsuits from deafened customers, Apple has added a feature that allows you to set the top volume wherever you like. For those of you who are already deaf from iPods, APPLE HAS ADDED A FEATURE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO SET THE TOP VOLUME WHEREVER YOU LIKE!
  • George Lopez has been given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Are you going to take this, Weird Al fans?

Prison Break Spoiler Alert: They Break Out of Prison

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Fox has renewed the new hit show Prison Break for a second season, and in the process spilled the beans on the not-so-surprise ending of season 1.

“Season 2 will be the manhunt,” series creator and executive producer
Paul Scheuring told the trade paper The Hollywood Reporter. “It will be
‘The Fugitive’ times eight.”

Lame! Come on Prison Break guys, that’s a rookie mistake. It’d be like if Lost renamed the show Lost: They’re Not Getting Off That Damn Island, or if 24 went with 24 Episodes Where Jack Bauer Almost Dies, But Doesn’t.  Where’s the fun in that? Oh well. I guess I’m going to have to watch the rest of the season to find out which 3 characters die in the last episode. Yeah. They spoiled that too. *Sigh* [read the story here]

Rosie Waxes (Poetic) Star

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When Joy Behar wants to knock Star Jones off her pedestal she cuts her off on national television. But when the introspective Rosie O’Donnell wants to put Star in her place she sits down and writes a poem. Yesterday, the former talk-show-host-gone-bonkers, posted an e.e. cummings inspired poem called Star View on her blog. Within her prosaic stanzas that reference both Regis and George W., O’Donnell compares Star to a scared little girl who lost half herself. And culmintaes with the zen-like allusion to the cyclical nature of life with the couplet:

peace to star jones
every wave hits the shore

But don’t let me interpret the poem for you. Read it in full (a few times to really absorb it) after the jump… (tip via fadedyouth)

Read more…

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Lord of The Rings Musical on Conan

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Knowing that this video would end up on YouTube is the reason I woke up this morning (well that, and the whole ‘having to go to work’ thing.) Conan’s been poking fun at the upcoming Lord of The Rings musical, and this take on it is by far the best. Watch The Lord of The Rings The Musical!… as if it were done by the people who put together Moving Out (the Billy Joel musical.) It’s amazing.

Smells Like A Corporate Buy Out

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Cobain_2The Oh No, Please God, Don’t Let This Result In A Covers Album news of the day is:

Courtney Love is looking to sell a 25% stake in Nirvana’s back catalogue. And right now, the front-runner to buy it is… Bono.

So what does this mean for Nirvana fans, music fans, and everybody else who’s terrified by thought of U2 covering "I Hate Myself And I Want To Die" on their next album? Probably nothing. Best case scenario, Bono and his Elevation Partners equity company (an equity company! Bono is so rock and roll!) get a little money every time "Come As You Are" is played on the radio. Worst case scenario? He loses the sunglasses, hires Dave Grohl, starts wearing sundresses and marries Courtney Love. Actually, now that I think about it, I think that’s the best case scenario. Oh well, whatever, Nevermind.

Read the news story here. (via ProductShopNYC)

While You Were Looking For Old ‘Weird Al’ Records

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  • Paula Abdul renews her American Idol contract for 3 years, or until the meds run out.
  • E! continues its legacy of having the Best Rip-off Show Ever.
  • Spiderman is in the new black.
  • Prince’s latest album debuts at #1. My interest level debuts at negative four.
  • If there’s one thing that makes me think ‘Optimus Prime‘, it’s Shia LeBeouf.
  • Believe it or not, American Idol’s silver fox Taylor Hicks wasn’t always silver. Or a fox.