Celebrity Headliner Equations

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Thebenchwarmersposter_1 When Hollywood executives cast the leads in a movie, a lot of thought goes into who’s name will appear above the movie title. In order to make bank at the box office, movies must have anywhere from one major  star to multiple minor stars as headliners for the film. 

With the upcoming movie The Benchwarmers, it takes Jon Heder, David Spade and Rob Schneider’s name before the title to equal the box office weight of one Jim Carrey in Fun with Dick and Jane. With that in mind, we’ve put together a series of equations that show how star power matches up when it comes to headlining a movie. After the jump, find out who can carry a movie on their own and who needs the cushion of other stars to share a headline with…

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SXSW: Paul Scheer Rocks Out With Morningwood

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Paul Scheer had the best SXSW experience ever. How many other guys can say they had the opportunity to rock out on stage with the supercool Morningwood while wearing a cape and unitard? Probably not too many. Watch Paul (and his package)  with Morningwood right now! They truly take it to the Nth Degree.

While You Were Buying Sushi at Walmart

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Kiera

  • By American Idol standards 29 is old. By Real World standards it’s geriatric.
  • Tom Hanks will star in How Starbucks Saved My Life. After You’ve got Mail or how AOL Saved my Life, and Castaway or How Fed Ex Saved My Life, the actor is prime for the part.
  • Find out how Arnold Schwarzenegger could change your life if he gets reelected. Here’s a hint, it’ll be just like it was when Reagan was president.
  • Christina Aguilera has sublimated her desire to wear raunchy outfits into a new desire to buy raunchy paintings.
  • Keira Knightly now comes dressed as a high fashion flapper, but she used to come equipped with a prep school uniform. Collect them all.
  • Oceans 13 producer explains that Catherine Zeta Jones and Julia Roberts won’t reprise their roles in the trilogy is because their parts were too small for such big stars. Meanwhile Scott Caan and Casey Affleck cool with playing extras.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Tucker Carlson Likes Tequila

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Remember that time when Jon Stewart went on Crossfire and laid the smack down on Tucker Carlson?  Well, it seems that Tucker is now taking things a little easier by hosting guests like "MySpace Celebrity and Fashion Model" Tila Tequila.  Something tells me she might not quite have a wit as formidable as Stewart’s. Can I get a WTF?

(thanks to Gorillamask for the tip)

A Horrible Development

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Arrested Development creator Mitch Hurwitz says he will not be continuing with the series, meaning in all likelihood, the show is dead. The twenty-five people who watched it, myself included, are devastated by the news.

Let’s take a moment to say goodbye to the funniest sitcom in television history. And try not to forget that Reba recently aired its 200th episode. It’s a cruel, cruel world we live in.

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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Birdmonster

  • MOKB has some sweet tracks from SXSW darlings Birdmonster.
  • Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands has a nice video of Elliott Smith performing "Say Yes".
  • A virtual cornucopia of good music (including the amazing track "Crazy" from my favorite-named band of the moment, Gnarles Barkley) can be found over at Feed Me Good Tunes
  • Village Indian has a live show review and a couple tracks from current NYC indie-blog darlings Love Is All.
  • Stereogum points us in the direction of new album streams from Nikolai Dunger and Mercury Rev.
  • ProductShopNYC generously transcribed Chuck Klosterman’s review of Axl Rose’s long-gestating "Chinese Democracy". 

Tupac Is The New Bigfoot

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TupacBlurry video footage shot by an amateur photographer from a decent distance away? Sounds like someone from the North East spotted another sasquatch, right? Wrong. More like somebody from South 
Central spotted… wait for it… the late, great, Tupac Shakur.

Just watch this video.

What do you think? Is it him, or is it a guy in a Tupac costume, hanging out and smoking cigarettes just like the Tupacs are known to do? It’s hard to say. I just hope it’s real, because if it is then it’s only a matter of time before we find the Loch Ness Monster and/or the Notorious B.I.G. next.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Joy Behar vs. Star Jones

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As you know, Star Jones and Joy Behar got into it on when Star called into The View to talk about her breast lift. Watch as Joy writes a note to her cohosts (I’m guessing it read something like, "Get her off the phone!"), then cuts off Star, then gets bleeped when she says that she hopes that Star’s boobs are perky. In the end, you can hear Star say that Behar is still a bitch. Great stuff.

In Case You Missed It: Gauntlet Reunion Roundup

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Megamark

In case you missed last night’s Gauntlet 2 season finale and reunion, here’s a brief summary:

  • The rookies won.
  • Kina and Cara inexplicably hate each other.
  • Robin has brown hair now.
  • Cara and Montana both hooked up with Jamie during the show.
  • And host TJ Lavin almost butted heads with Syrus during one heated gauntlet (remember guys, it’s just ‘Name that Coconut’)

But the biggest news of the night was Mark’s long-awaited retirement. The original road rules cast member who’s outlasted Eric Nies on MTV reality spinoffs is finally hanging up his cheezy bandana. While his myspace page explains he’s retiring from the MTV reality cycle to host a brand new show on FOX called Reality Remix- we wonder if our forboding post last week had anything to do with his decision. (note the irate comment from "renaldo").

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: War of the Words

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Worlds
If you’re not already reading the sporadically-updated blog of A-list Hollywood screenwriter Josh Friedman (War of the Worlds, The Black Dahlia), you really should be.  Even if you only have a passing interest in screenwriting, or even none at all, Friedman is consistently hilarious, entertaining and insightful.  Like William Goldman, but angrier and way more funny.  Anyway, here’s an excerpt from his latest post – a mediation on mortality, and the ways in which our words can help us live on:

"Our words will always outlive us, immortalizing us if not always powerful enough to make us immortal. Although if we choose our words well, there will always be a way back to life, a way to and fro
through time…If we choose our words well there need not always be a last. If we choose our words well there will always be a way to find us.  I have chosen my words. They are:

There are motherf**king snakes on the motherf**king plane."