WHILE YOU WERE HAVING A PINT WITH MORTIMER MARTIN

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Justin

  • The New York Daily News has a list of the 20 most unnecessary sequels, inspired by the upcoming Basic Instinct 2. The question is, what exactly is a necessary sequel?
  • Gwyneth Paltrow was spotted having a Guinness, even though she’s pregnant (which is actually fine as long as she doesn’t do it too often). Well, that explains the names.
  • Justin Timberlake thinks Kevin Federline is gross. No comment necessary.
  • Is Katie Holmes so stressed that she will give birth without Tom Cruise there? Most people really just want to know if he was there at the conception.
  • Worried about lawsuits from deafened customers, Apple has added a feature that allows you to set the top volume wherever you like. For those of you who are already deaf from iPods, APPLE HAS ADDED A FEATURE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO SET THE TOP VOLUME WHEREVER YOU LIKE!
  • George Lopez has been given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Are you going to take this, Weird Al fans?

Prison Break Spoiler Alert: They Break Out of Prison

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Prison_break
Fox has renewed the new hit show Prison Break for a second season, and in the process spilled the beans on the not-so-surprise ending of season 1.

“Season 2 will be the manhunt,” series creator and executive producer
Paul Scheuring told the trade paper The Hollywood Reporter. “It will be
‘The Fugitive’ times eight.”

Lame! Come on Prison Break guys, that’s a rookie mistake. It’d be like if Lost renamed the show Lost: They’re Not Getting Off That Damn Island, or if 24 went with 24 Episodes Where Jack Bauer Almost Dies, But Doesn’t.  Where’s the fun in that? Oh well. I guess I’m going to have to watch the rest of the season to find out which 3 characters die in the last episode. Yeah. They spoiled that too. *Sigh* [read the story here]

Rosie Waxes (Poetic) Star

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When Joy Behar wants to knock Star Jones off her pedestal she cuts her off on national television. But when the introspective Rosie O’Donnell wants to put Star in her place she sits down and writes a poem. Yesterday, the former talk-show-host-gone-bonkers, posted an e.e. cummings inspired poem called Star View on her blog. Within her prosaic stanzas that reference both Regis and George W., O’Donnell compares Star to a scared little girl who lost half herself. And culmintaes with the zen-like allusion to the cyclical nature of life with the couplet:

peace to star jones
every wave hits the shore

But don’t let me interpret the poem for you. Read it in full (a few times to really absorb it) after the jump… (tip via fadedyouth)

Read more…

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Lord of The Rings Musical on Conan

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Knowing that this video would end up on YouTube is the reason I woke up this morning (well that, and the whole ‘having to go to work’ thing.) Conan’s been poking fun at the upcoming Lord of The Rings musical, and this take on it is by far the best. Watch The Lord of The Rings The Musical!… as if it were done by the people who put together Moving Out (the Billy Joel musical.) It’s amazing.

Smells Like A Corporate Buy Out

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Cobain_2The Oh No, Please God, Don’t Let This Result In A Covers Album news of the day is:

Courtney Love is looking to sell a 25% stake in Nirvana’s back catalogue. And right now, the front-runner to buy it is… Bono.

So what does this mean for Nirvana fans, music fans, and everybody else who’s terrified by thought of U2 covering "I Hate Myself And I Want To Die" on their next album? Probably nothing. Best case scenario, Bono and his Elevation Partners equity company (an equity company! Bono is so rock and roll!) get a little money every time "Come As You Are" is played on the radio. Worst case scenario? He loses the sunglasses, hires Dave Grohl, starts wearing sundresses and marries Courtney Love. Actually, now that I think about it, I think that’s the best case scenario. Oh well, whatever, Nevermind.

Read the news story here. (via ProductShopNYC)

While You Were Looking For Old ‘Weird Al’ Records

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  • Paula Abdul renews her American Idol contract for 3 years, or until the meds run out.
  • E! continues its legacy of having the Best Rip-off Show Ever.
  • Spiderman is in the new black.
  • Prince’s latest album debuts at #1. My interest level debuts at negative four.
  • If there’s one thing that makes me think ‘Optimus Prime‘, it’s Shia LeBeouf.
  • Believe it or not, American Idol’s silver fox Taylor Hicks wasn’t always silver. Or a fox.
  • SIZZLER: Scientology vs. Kabbalah

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    BecksIt’s being reported that the Scientologists and the Kabbalah(ists?) are eager to win the souls of Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham and her husband, David. Tom Cruise himself has "come knocking on the door" and Madonna has done some recruiting for her side. Posh has been spotted reading Dianetics, but she has also been photographed wearing the Kabbalah Center’s "trademark red-string bracelet." I’m actually rooting for EST on this one.

    …OF THE DAY

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    Weird_alfinal

    • DILL HOLE: Novelist Sir VS Naipaul. He says that Jane Austen and Charles Dickens aren’t all that great and Henry James is "the worst writer in the world." Whatever, dude!
    • BOUNCING TOMATO: A prop in the play Three Days of Rain, starring Julia Roberts. It made her break character and laugh. 
    • MEAN DADDY: Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft. He says of his children: "In many dimensions they’re as poorly behaved as many other children, but at least on this dimension I’ve got my kids brainwashed: You don’t use Google, and you don’t use an iPod."
    • BORING TEST: MIT Media Lab‘s. Researchers are building a device to help autistic people determine if they’re boring or annoying the person they’re talking to.
    • FUND-RAISING FANS: Weird Al Yankovic’s. They are trying to raise the $15,000 to apply to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Who deserves it more than Weird Al? UHF alone qualifies him. (Though Bob might disagree…)

    While You Were Mailing It In For the Day

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    • Weird_al
      Billy Joel
      says addiction is common among musicians. Coincidentally, this follows the insight that "making music is commmon among musicians" in the upcoming book I’m working on titled: No S**t!
    • Hooters Air has called it quits after a three-year run. The service had already begun to sag and wasn’t as much fun to look at.
    • David Hasselhoff baffled court reporters and officials in Los Angeles yesterday when he began belting out a German tune outside the courtroom during his custody hearing. Come on! How could you not award the Hoff full custody after that??
    • Weird Al fans are collecting money to get Mr. Yankovic a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. Hollywood insists he apologizes for UHF first.
    • Paula Abdul has signed a deal that keeps her on American Idol for three more years. Sadly, this interferes with her original plan to fade into oblivion.
    • Busta Rhymes dissed a gay fan for touching him outside a diner in Miami, whispering to his bodyguards "I hate f**king faggots man." To which the bodyguard replied, "Then stop f**king them, Busta."