Kevin’s Big Job

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Britney_kevin_2Something big happened this weekend. Something huge. Something shocking. No, I’m not talking about George Mason pulling off a big upset in the NCAA tournament and advancing to the Final 4. Hardly. No, I’m talking about something even more unlikely–

Kevin Federline had a job.

Yes, you read that correctly. This weekend, K-Fed wore the pants in the family and played the role of breadwinner by appearing at Vision nightclub in Atlanta. At 11 p.m. he was placed on display in the "V.I.P. circle" so onlookers who paid $1,500 for a table could… well, look at him, I guess.

Sure, standing "on display" doesn’t sound like "hard work" to us, but c’mon– we’re talking Mr. Britney Spears here. It’s a step in the right direction. Maybe someday he’ll do something that’s actually considered laborous, but in the meantime, let’s take what we can get.

Check out more pictures from Kevin’s big night on the job by clicking below.

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WHILE YOU WERE ASKING POPEYE FOR CONCEPTION ADVICE

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  • According to Christopher Anderson’s Barbra: The Way She Is Barbra Streisand was intimate with Warren Beatty, Ryan O’Neal, Steve McQueen, Kris Kristofferson, Don Johnson, Jon Voight, Elliott Gould, Andre Agassi, Richard Gere, Omar Sharif, Liam Neeson, Peter Jennings, Tommy Smothers, and Peter Weller. Strangely, her husband, James Brolin, is not on the list.
  • Kevin Smith doesn’t care for Reese Witherspoon: "I did vote for her for Walk the Line because she was so good," Smith said. "I forgot how much I hated that c—!" Kind of like how Smith’s fans have forgotten why they liked him.
  • Anthony Hopkins‘ Hannibal Lecter was named the ultimate movie bad guy in a new magazine poll. Billy  Zabka was totally robbed. 
  • Isaac Hayes is angry that people think that the real reason he left South Park was that he had a stroke. He prefers the "I’m a slave to Scientology" explanation.
  • Jennifer Lopez has put herself on a strict spinach diet because she wants to become pregnant. Sounds like somebody needs the birds and bees talk.
  • David Bowie and Sting are supposedly planning to open a branch of the burlesque club Forty Deuce in Manhattan. Oh sure, when it’s those guys it’s a "burlesque" club.

Experiencing Misery and Suffering? You Could Be a Star!

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If you’ve suffered any of the following tragedies, ABC would love to exploit your loss in exchange for TV Ratings:

  • Lost a child to drunk driving
  • Mom or Dad diagnosed with skin cancer
  • Hate crime victim
  • Child with Muscular Dystrophy

Just think – this really good-looking host/wannabe actor will show up to your home and your anguish and woe will be captured forever by a camera team, then broadcast into the homes of millions of bored couch potatoes in order that they might feel heartened that they too haven’t been afflicted with the myriad problems that you have! 

Is that EXTREME enough for you!?!

The Future of Reality TV

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Scare_me_1Just when you thought every simple idea for a television show has already been taken– thanks, FOX– a bunch of drunk college kids have stepped up and taken it to the next level.

This is Scare Me, a show based on the simple premise that scaring people is funny. You know what– it actually is.

Watch it now. It’s like Punk’d meets Jackass meets your drunk idiot friends in college who don’t care about what other people think of them. Seriously, if this doesn’t secure these kids a network deal soon I’ll be shocked. Or scared. One of the two.

SIZZLER: Lindsay and Leo Sitting in a Tree?

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According to the British rag, Life and Style Extra:  "[Lindsay Lohan and Leo DiCaprio] hooked up at a New Year’s Eve party hosted by Lindsay in Miami. They have being seeing each other ever since – despite the 12 year age gap – and friends say they are helping each other get over their recent break-ups." According to my calculations, that same night Lindsay also reunited with former flame Wilmer Valderrama and had an asthma attack.

Wow-great party! But it still doesn’t beat New Year’s Eve with Carson Daly and a bottle of Korbel.

CINEMA’S GOLDEN ERA: From Spike Lee to Larry the Cable Guy

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Here are the top 7 (I just couldn’t leave out Larry the Cable Guy) movies you elected to spend your hard-earned money on this past weekend.

1.  Spike Lee stops whining for a moment in order to cobble together a movie profitable enough to allow him to continue his incessant whining for a few more years – $29 million

2.  "Wait a minute, I thought this was supposed to be a superhero movie, not some kind of Michael Moore hippie-liberal-commie-propaganda!?!?" – $12.3 million

3.  Malcom in the middle of the bargain bin, right next to the other bajillion stupid horror movies just like this one – $11.2 million

4.  Who keeps watching this crap?  Shouldn’t this be on video yet? – $10.8 million

5.  Seriously, just stop.  This is too depressing to go on – $9.1 million

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Netflix Challenge

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If there’s one thing we’ve learned from Alex’s Friday Five, it’s that you guys have great taste in music and are as honest as The English Patient is long. Which got me to thinking: If your music is so awesome, I’ll bet your movies are too. So why don’t you prove me right and tell us what the next five movies are in your Netflix queue? (Answer in the comments section.)

I’ll start:
Good Night, and Good Luck, Grey Gardens, Raising Helen, Love Story, On Golden Pond.

While You Were Learning Starbucks’ Fake Language

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  • Brit Brit and K-Fed hit up Hotlanta this weekend to promote Mr. Federline’s forthcoming album.  They really put the ‘dirty’ in the Dirty South.
  • Demi’s pregnant.  The whole world gets Punk’d.
  • Ever wanted to be MySpace buddies with a Hilton?  Yeah, me neither.
  • Could the Church of Scientology really be thinking of buying Neverland Ranch, thereby creating the most perfect union of tabloid absurdity ever known to mankind?
  • Don Johnson gets paid a visit from the Repo Man.  Where’s your buddy Tubbs now, b*tch?
  • David Hasslehoff’s wife is claiming he was violent and abusive with her during their marriage.  I guess years of talking to a car can do that to a man.

Kelly Osbourne Moves to a Brothel

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MTV is planning another reality show starring an Osbourne. This time it will be Kelly‘s show, and it will  follow her as she learns about method acting. Like so many great actors in the past, Kelly will research various roles by immersing herself in the lives of the different characters she will be playing. One of the roles will require her to live in a brothel. It’s nice to see an actress who is willing to be a prostitute, unlike that snooty ol’ Natalie Portman.