While You Were Looking For Old ‘Weird Al’ Records

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  • Paula Abdul renews her American Idol contract for 3 years, or until the meds run out.
  • E! continues its legacy of having the Best Rip-off Show Ever.
  • Spiderman is in the new black.
  • Prince’s latest album debuts at #1. My interest level debuts at negative four.
  • If there’s one thing that makes me think ‘Optimus Prime‘, it’s Shia LeBeouf.
  • Believe it or not, American Idol’s silver fox Taylor Hicks wasn’t always silver. Or a fox.
  • SIZZLER: Scientology vs. Kabbalah

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    BecksIt’s being reported that the Scientologists and the Kabbalah(ists?) are eager to win the souls of Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham and her husband, David. Tom Cruise himself has "come knocking on the door" and Madonna has done some recruiting for her side. Posh has been spotted reading Dianetics, but she has also been photographed wearing the Kabbalah Center’s "trademark red-string bracelet." I’m actually rooting for EST on this one.

    …OF THE DAY

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    • DILL HOLE: Novelist Sir VS Naipaul. He says that Jane Austen and Charles Dickens aren’t all that great and Henry James is "the worst writer in the world." Whatever, dude!
    • BOUNCING TOMATO: A prop in the play Three Days of Rain, starring Julia Roberts. It made her break character and laugh. 
    • MEAN DADDY: Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft. He says of his children: "In many dimensions they’re as poorly behaved as many other children, but at least on this dimension I’ve got my kids brainwashed: You don’t use Google, and you don’t use an iPod."
    • BORING TEST: MIT Media Lab‘s. Researchers are building a device to help autistic people determine if they’re boring or annoying the person they’re talking to.
    • FUND-RAISING FANS: Weird Al Yankovic’s. They are trying to raise the $15,000 to apply to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Who deserves it more than Weird Al? UHF alone qualifies him. (Though Bob might disagree…)

    While You Were Mailing It In For the Day

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    • Weird_al
      Billy Joel
      says addiction is common among musicians. Coincidentally, this follows the insight that "making music is commmon among musicians" in the upcoming book I’m working on titled: No S**t!
    • Hooters Air has called it quits after a three-year run. The service had already begun to sag and wasn’t as much fun to look at.
    • David Hasselhoff baffled court reporters and officials in Los Angeles yesterday when he began belting out a German tune outside the courtroom during his custody hearing. Come on! How could you not award the Hoff full custody after that??
    • Weird Al fans are collecting money to get Mr. Yankovic a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. Hollywood insists he apologizes for UHF first.
    • Paula Abdul has signed a deal that keeps her on American Idol for three more years. Sadly, this interferes with her original plan to fade into oblivion.
    • Busta Rhymes dissed a gay fan for touching him outside a diner in Miami, whispering to his bodyguards "I hate f**king faggots man." To which the bodyguard replied, "Then stop f**king them, Busta."

    BWE Photoshop Contest: Michael Douglas’ Beard—The Winner!!

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    In response to the New York Times’ proclamation that the beard is back and Michael Douglas’s flattering new hairy look, we held a contest to see what other celebrities could benefit from a flowy white beard like Michael Douglas. And with out further ado, the winner: 

    Bearded_sisters

    Congratulations Megan! The Hiltons look hot with Michael Douglas beards. By the way I read Beard Magazine, but only for the articles.

    Read more…

    SIZZLER: Three 6 Mafia Puts Their Oscar Into Paris

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    Parisparty
    We all know that it’s hard out here for a pimp.  But where does a pimp turn to make things a little bit easier?  Paris Hilton, of course!

    From Yahoo News:

    "Oscar-winning rappers Three 6 Mafia say they are producing and recording tracks with Paris Hilton."

    "Producing and recording with" is apparently some kind of new crunk slang for "boning at an afterparty". 

    Movie Stars Teach Us So Many Lessons!

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    Takelead
    Take the Lead
    is a new movie in which an idealistic Antonio Banderas must use unconventional teaching methods, his mad hot ballroom moves and steamy Latin looks to get through to a class of violent, unruly inner city youth.  We’re so excited about this cinematic originality that we’ve decided to compile a restrospective list of the things we’ve learned from the countless number of OTHER movies with pretty much the same plot (except this time it’s ballroom dancing – see, different!).  From Sidney Poitier to Mark Harmon to Tom Berenger, we don’t skip a single class (or accept any substitutes):

    Blackboard Jungle (1955, starring Glenn Ford and Sidney Poitier)
    The Problem: Ford, an order-loving idealist, is forced to use unconventional teaching methods and decency to get through to a class of violent, unruly Fonzie-esque thugs, pot-smoking Beatniks and other gangs of assorted troublemakers, whom he naturally assumes are led by Sidney Poitier aka "the black kid".  All this mayhem is set to the "dangerous" music of Bill Haley’s "Rock Around the Clock".

    The Solution: Ford forces students learn about decency, Poitier forces Ford to learn about racial tolerance, and the soundtrack forces America to learn about rock n’ roll (which ironically results in even more youthful indecency).

    Read more…