Bad News For Texas Teens Who Want to Shine



Several major schoolboards in Texas have officially banned students from wearing any sort of mouth jewelry, which is a white person way of saying “icy grillz”. Made popular by rapper Paul Wall, and recently sported by the Hulkster’s daughter Brooke Hogan, icy grillz are a classy way for people to improve their smiles by covering all of their teeth with what appears to be precious metals and expensive stones. Not only does the shiny jewelry make your smile sparkle even brighter, it suggests to others that you are financially sucessful enough to wear expensive jewelry in places that people hadn’t even considered possible. Why the Texas schools would elect to outlaw these accessories is a mystery to me. If anything, I think icy grillz would only motivate students to work harder and learn more so that someday they might get a good job and be able to afford dental jewelry of their own. Also, with all the violence in schools these days, icy grillz might be able to protect students should they get punched in the mouth (perhaps by someone who thinks icy grillz are retarded). The good news is even though icy grillz have been outlawed, students are still free to bring the bling by wearing chains, rings, ropes, watches, earrings and canes. Goblets are also acceptable, as long as they’re not filled with crunk juice.



paris2.jpegBefore babies became Hollywood’s hot new fashion accessory, most stars kept their parental endeavors limited to their pets. And even throughout Hollywood’s recent birth boom, celebs still manage to find the time to get themselves photographed while walking their dogs. While some famous pooch-lovers have fetching doggystyle (UPGRADE), others look like they should be taken to the pound (DOWNGRADE). Tell us which of these stars are improved by their puppies, and which ones just look like a dogface.

BWE: Paul Scheer Hijacks The Airwaves


paul.jpgFrom Product Shop NYC:

I thought that our “exclusive interview” with “Jeff Mangum” would immediately be exposed as a fake, especially considering that the interview was done by comedian Aziz Ansari, and that “Jeff” talked about releasing a soloflex machine, starting a dating show for VH1, killing the singer of Beirut, and the fact that he sounded exactly like Best Week Ever’s Paul Scheer. Do I need to be any clearer about this?

Apparently. Paul Scheer just so happened to post the interview with the Neutral Milk Hotel frontman on his site, which I think means that he was the “Jeff Mangum” all along! No! Could it be? Well, head on over and listen to the hilarious interview and find out for yourself.

ICYMI: Rocky 6(0)


Pop Quiz: What’s the funniest part of the official Rocky Balboa trailer? Is it:

a) That a video game may be intricate to the plot of the film
b) The antagonist’s name is Mason “The Line” Dixon
c) Paulie
d) Despite everything, it still looks better than Rocky V

Watch it now, then choose your answer. Good luck.

While You Were Prepping For Little Man


  • Ben Affleck talked Kevin Smith into giving him a cameo in Clerks II. Unfortuantely Smith chose not to enforce the Jersey Girl clause that’s supposed to keep the two men 1000 yards away from one another.
  • Weezer has called it quits. Fans are encouraged to trash their last three albums pretend this announcement actually came in 1997.
  • The reverend at Ken Lay’s funeral compared the former Enron CEO to Jesus and Martin Luther King Jr. Okay, so let’s see; they’re all dead, and… you know what, that’s the only similarity I can think of.
  • During a show in Hollywood, Bon Jovi told guitarist Richie Sambora to “sign a prenup” next time. Yeah, the poor guy needs to stop attaching himself to poor, struggling women like Heather Locklear and Denise Richards.
  • Zinedine Zidane headbutted Italian defender Marco Materazzi during the World Cup final because Marco insulted his mother and sister. Coincidentally, this is the same reason Zidane was never able to cut it on Yo Mamma.

Pat Or No Pat


The banker on Deal Or No Deal is a shady character. You never see him, never hear him, never know what’s going on in his little banker head. He just lurks in the shadows and occasionally blogs… but that’s it.

Well, the folks over at Collegehumor may have discovered the true identity of the banker– it’s Pat O’Brien! Now we finally know what’s actually going on during those drawn out phone calls to Howie Mandel. It all kind of makes sense now…

Watch it here!
(audio NSFW)




  • UNINVITING VIEW: Shannen Doherty, who will temporarily fill Star Jones‘ vacant chair on The View, shows off a new face that isn’t exactly what I want to see in the morning. (Hot Online News)
  • “AWESOME” HUSBAND MOVE: K-Fed is planning to record a duet with his first baby momma, Shar Jackson. (The Bosh)
  • IMPRESSIVE RESUME: Johnny Depp has been engaged to five women, all of which are hotter than most women you’ll ever get to see in person. Well, almost all of which. (Us Weekly)
  • WANNABE HOMEWRECKER: Cameron Diaz had better watch her back, because Rachel Bilson might try making Justin to “Bye Bye Bye”. (Popsugar)
  • MASTURBATORY COMIC BOOK TRAILER: I don’t know that this trailer is the direction Sony wants to take their prized Spiderman franchise into, especially after the lukewarm reaction to “Gay Superman”. (Junkiness, slightly NSFW)

SIZZLER: ‘Idol’ Reject Made R. Kelly-esque Sex Video


DJboyd.jpgIt’s one thing for an aspiring hip hop artist to emulate R. Kelly’s career, but DJ Boyd seems to have taken that admiration just a bit too far. You probably don’t even remember who DJ Boyd is, and you shouldn’t, so here’s a quick refresher – after making it to the “Top 70″ on the 5th season of American Idol, Boyd was dismissed and joined the ranks of rejects deemed unworthy of competing against the likes of Clay Aiken. But back home in Utah, Boyd held onto his dreams of musical stardom – he signed to “Big Fedi” records, released an album you’ve probably never heard, and constantly reminded people that he was once on TV for a few moments. Nothing too impressive, unless of course you’re two teenage girls who he has just filled with booze, in which case you might have found him attractive enough to have sex with, even allowing him to videotape the encounter. But when that Smirnoff Ice buzz finally wore off and you woke up hungover with the realization that you’d just slept with some J-list reality show failure, you might have regretted your decision so much that you called the police and reported to what this 27 year-old sleazebag did to you and your friend (who happens to be 15, a year older than yourself), resulting in his arrest and a possible judgement much harsher than even the nastiest thing Simon Cowell could have said to him. As the local court justices he’s now facing probably won’t be nearly as drunk as Paula Abdul, this wannabe Idol could be in some serious trouble.

LISTEN UP: BWE’s Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever



  • Scenestars serves up a few classic tracks from indie pop fuzz-freak OG-hipsters Stereolab, from their forthcoming “best of” album.
  • Stereogum says The Slip is a band to watch, which means that in about 6 minutes every blog-reading indie-kid on the planet will be doing just that – so hurry over and grab yourselves a good seat!
  • If you still haven’t discovered the sweet sounds of Bishop Allen, you’re just not listening. So stop what you’re doing, check out Indie Mix Tapes, and hear the hotness.
  • The early birds over at The Pelican’s Perch get the worm word out on the awesome new album from Regina Spektor by posting three of the latest tracks.
  • MOKB shakes up the sounds of Snowglobe, a great indie rock band from Memphis who happen to be friends of mine. Do yourselves a favor and give them a listen!