While it might not quite be the best music ever, Andy Milonakis’ beef with LA’s finest is pretty damn funny.
Buzz over to The Apiary to hear "Me No Like Hollywood Douchebags" for yourself, and be glad to know that you’re not the only one who feels that way.
Rockin’ lesbian singer Melissa Etheridge and her wife, actress Tammy Lynn Michaels, are expecting twins! That’s right, Etheridge has gone and got another girl pregnant. She already has two children from a previous relationship with another woman. In fact, you may remember who Etheridge chose as the sperm donor for the first two: David Crosby.
We think there’s no better choice for sperm donor than an overweight, recovering drug addict with a permanent handlebar mustache. So who did Tammy and Melissa choose to top Crosby as the father of their twins?
Here are our top three guesses as to who they chose as sperm donor:
- Pete Doherty: If they’re looking for an addict, he’s their man. I mean Doherty’s heroin addiction makes Crosby look like he likes the occasional white wine spritzer .
- Bruce Villanche: If they’re looking for fat guy with facial hair, look no further. Villanche grows a great beard and is twice the size of Crosby but half the man. And what a joker!
- Kevin Federline: The sensible choice. If anyone can impregnate a woman with two babies in one shot, it’s him.
Now it’s your turn: who do you think is Etheridge’s sperm donor?
And they’ll record a crappy rap song. Following in the tradition of the ’85 Chicago Bears "Superbowl Shuffle," the NY Mets unveiled a new theme song last night titled "Our Team, Our Time." Yes, the Mets have the best record in baseball right now… but it’s April. Shouldn’t you hold off on the awkwardly 80′s rap where you rhyme "Pedro Martinez will strike you out" with "he’s throwing heat, No Doubt!" until the playoffs? Maybe I’m just a traditionalist, I don’t know.
Listen to the new NY Mets song right here. Yeah, it’s bad, but at least nobody on the team is responsible (you can’t say the same for those ’85 Bears)… and at least it’s still better than anything K-Fed’s come up with.
I’m just going to shut up and let you enjoy these. The words "Scarlett Johansson in a bikini" may be the only ones I like more than "Snakes on a Plane." Maybe.
Thank you BlogNYC. Seriously, thanks. Oh, by the way, the dude in the second picture is Scarlett’s boyfriend Josh Hartnett, star of Pearl Harbor, 40 Days & 40 Nights, Hollywood Homicide and Wicker Park. Sometimes life isn’t fair.
UPDATE: Here’s another phrase I had the pleasure of hearing today– "take the Scarlett Johansson pictures down." Interesting. Well, they’re gone. But if you really want to see them, I’d advise you head over to:
- A Socialite’s Life
- Pink Is The New Blog
- Dana’s Dirt
- The Superficial
- I Don’t Like You In That Way
Honestly, the list is endless. Happy hunting!
In an effort to further endear himself to the American public, Tom wants to paint a prettier image of the upcoming birth of his baby Tomkat. Now, we all know that Katie will give birth in silence, but the question was "What’s Tom going to do during/after labor?" Well, now we know:
"Iâ€™m gonna eat the placenta, too.
I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. Iâ€™m going to eat the cord and the placenta right there.â€
Next up– Tom’s plan to start eating brains, like the trained freaky horror-movie zombie he is.
In the meantime, Viceland has a couple of reciples for placenta that Tom can check out. I can’t wait to see him on Celebrity Cooking Showdown!
We mentioned yesterday that Angelina and Brad’s bodyguards were getting tough in Namibia, in order to ensure a private birth for the superstar couple.
Today, their security boss Mick Brett has issued a statement If I find anyone getting a picture of Jolie I will f*cking smash someone to pieces…I’m not joking. I’ll f*cking put someone in the hospital. Tell your friends."
Isn’t having a baby the most magical, wondrous experience in your life?
Bob Castrone had the Best Night Ever watching Prison Break,24 and Celebrity Cooking Showdown.
LONG OVERDUE COMBACK: Jolt Cola. Red Bull’s predesessor is being relaunched in a new ‘battery’ bottle for a new crop of pre-teens looking for stimulants. (Adfreak)
SIGN THAT AMERICA’S OBESITY PROBLEM IS ONLY GETTING WORSE: A guy in Indiana is selling burial caskets that are 52 inches wide, twice the size of normal caskets. (D-Listed)
MOMENT CHILDHOOD ENDS: Witnessing the Easter Bunny attack a women at a Florida Mall. It really happened though some kids who saw it were convinced it was only a dream. (Smoking Gun)
PROOF THAT GOD EXISTS: Heavy rains in Mexico has caused filming of Mel Gibson’s Mayan epic Apocalypto to be delayed. (ONTD)
REASON PIPER WEISS IS A GREAT NAME: Because it translates to "Wisteria Bramble of Willowbottom" when you put it in the Hobbit Name Generator. (Barbie Martini)