Michael Jackson Image Makeover

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Mjmsg04

Michael Jackson is reportedly planning another metamorphosis, this time into a "muscle-bound, shaven-headed rapper." He has been in discussion with DJ Whoo Kid (Whoo?) since they met in Bahrain. Whoo Kid told Jackson to "cut his hair, get some million-dollar earrings, get a million-dollar watch and take all them spaceship clothes off." Jackson has taken the advice to heart and is working out and trying to work out a collaboration with Whoo Kid and 50 Cent. I’ve been waiting for years for him to just go ahead and turn into a blond white woman, but bald rapper would be fine too.

…OF THE DAY

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Village

  • EXPENSIVE TRIP TO BURGER KING: George Beane‘s. He bought four burgers at Burger King and his credit card was accidentally charged $4,334.33. Worth every penny.
  • DISCO IRONY: The Village People Cop. He was arrested after he disappeared while drug and gun charges against him were pending. What next?  They didn’t really enjoy the YMCA? The Construction Worker doesn’t know his way around a tool box? The Leather Man is actually straight?
  • ALTERNATIVE TO ADOPTING MORE BABIES: Brad Pitt. He is set to narrate Design: e2, a series on PBS about environmentally friendly architecture.
  • BLACK FLAG SINGER IN KING ARTHUR’S COURT: Henry Rollins. He says that wants to finish his career as a low-budget Mark Twain. Hal Holbrook better get a "Search and Destroy" tattoo and fast!
  • NOT GLIB BAND: Living Things. The band’s singer, Lillian Berlin, grew up with ADHD and is telling audiences all over the US that medicating children for behavioral problems does not work. Tom Cruise would be so pleased.
  • NOT-BITTER MOVIE STAR: Russell Crowe. He says about being snubbed by Sesame Street: "If they want to turn down an Oscar-nominated star to appear in front of millions of kids then they can, but I’m not bitter – we’ll still watch the show." Goldenfiddle isn’t convinced.

While You Were Thinking of Excuses Not To Go To The Gym Tonight

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    David Hasselhoff
    has been ordered not to come within 150 yards of his ex-wife. If it happens, he’ll be forced to run in slow motion until he reaches the court ordered distance.
  • Shakira and Wyclef Jean are set to perform on tomorrow night’s episode of American Idol. Fans are already attempting to vote Wyclef off.
  • Kate Moss sees Lindsay Lohan as a younger version of herself. Though chances are Lindsay will be photographed doing coke long before she turns 32.
  • Matthew Perry is the reason there hasn’t been a Friends reunion. He’s too busy waiting by the phone for a call about The Whole Eleven Yards.
  • Sean Penn has a plastic Ann Coulter doll that he abuses when he’s angry. It’s like a Barbie doll, but far more obnoxious.
  • Kid Rock and his bodyguards had a scuffle with a photographer and stole the dude’s camera. Proving once again that Kid Rock(‘s bodyguards are) tough!
  • In an effort to remove cigarettes from the hands of The Beatles for the re-release of Capital Albums Volume 2, record company execs erased two of Ringo Starr’s fingers. Execs argue that when Ringo plays it sounds like he only has 8 fingers anyway, so no harm no foul.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Swapped Wife Swings From Hooks

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Kinisons Last night’s Wife Swap mashed-up the well-coiffed New Jersey-based Czerniawskis with the Kinisons, an Arizona family of freak show performers. And guess what? It was awesome. There were tearful resolutions and chair-kicking fights but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing. Oh I remember: no one hung themselves from meat-hooks.

Here’s some exclusive footage from the Kinison’s freak show website, that features Anna Kinison swinging around a room with hooks affixed to her back. It’s almost as awesome as Trading Spouses’ Marguerite Perrin and her brand new debut rap album.

K-Fed Names His Album!

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The supremely awesome Kevin Federline has named his debut album Playing With Fire and the expected release date for this album is August 2006. As you may know, he made his first promotional club appearance this past Saturday, March 25th at Vision Club in Atlanta, GA. Usher, Nelly and Jazze Pha were all in attendance and the event has been called a "huge success!" (in a press release). He’s going to make promotional appearances at clubs across the country and will help out local charities in the cities he visits. Here’s what the man himself has to say about the album and tour:

“The inspiration and meaning behind the title Playing With Fire is self explanatory. I’m excited about this album and am looking forward to continuing my promotional club tour in support of it and seeing the first-hand reaction of my fans listening to my songs for the first time. My album is  sure to set the dance floors across the world on fire!”

No doubt!

Is Skyler Bartles Having The Best Week Ever?

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Skyler Bartles is definitely having the Best Week Ever. You may have read about him yesterday– he’s the Spring Breaker who decided to spend his break at a not-so-common Spring Break destination: Wal Mart.

Well, after Drudge Report linked the story, his phone’s been ringing off the hook. He’ll be appearing on Good Morning America, and representatives from Letterman have offered to fly him to NY as well. All this for spending 41 straight hours at Wal Mart… something I’m pretty sure my mom does every couple of weeks. Congratulations Skyler, you’re probably having the Best Week Ever.

GUESS THE CELEBRITY: The Answer

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Yesterday we asked you to Guess The Celebrity based on the picture above. And you did. Guesses ranged from Leonardo DiCaprio to Ethan Hawke to Johnny Depp to David Spade to… the chick who played Blossom? Well, the time has come to reveal who it is. Click below to find out.

Read more…

Mi Cokefest Es Su Cokefest

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Check out the flyer for an upcoming Final Four event in Indianapolis, sponsored by the beverage giant.   

My Cokefest would probably involve more cigarettes and less singer-songwriters. But provided enough refreshing coke, Carrie Underwood could sound like Joe Strummer by the end of the night. (thanks adfreak)