Bad news for prostitutes and all those half-Japanese girls out there: Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo is now a married man.
Rivers married girlfriend Kyoko Ito over the weekend in Malibu. According to their official website, a mini-reunion took place with past and present members of the band (except for that Mikey guy from the Green Album who disappeared after going crazy or something.) I’m not sure what they chose for a wedding song, but I’m hoping it was “El Scorcho.”
In other Bands I Used To Like But Now I’m Kind Of Embarrassed By news, Everclear is shooting for relevancy by dedicating their new song “Hater” to “Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and all others who hate in the name of Jesus.” They even created a MySpace profile for the video’s main character. You can watch “Hater” here (totally NSFW, by the way) Interesting idea. I wonder why they never made a page for their Volvo Driving Soccer Mom.
Of course, all this Weezer and Everclear news leads me to one very important question: what the hell is Collective Soul up to?
Links via two of my favorite sites: The Modern Age and Stereogum
If you’re planning to cancel your AOL account, be prepared to make a strong argument, have a day set aside and parental figure at the ready. Some poor customer called up the customer service line to cancel his subscription and didn’t know he’d have to first get past AOL Rep ‘John,’ the gatekeeper of accounts. John wasn’t so sure this customer was responsible enough to make decisions on his own and spent 1/2 hour trying to change his mind (for his own good mind you.) He even asked to speak to the customer’s dad, because clearly this guy is insane to not want an AOL account. Props to Anna00 for dropping this viable argument for phasing out humans in jobs that computers could probably do better.
Listen to the phonecall here.
And if you’ve got a story for us, Drop it here.
TMZ is reporting that Halle Berry, who has – despite her unbelievable hotness – thus far been unable to keep a decent man around, is getting serious with the Canadian model seen in the picture below. I’m not sure what it is, but something seems disturbingly familiar about her new beau…
Now that his latest “Marlon Wayans pretends to be a girl/midget/caucasian” wacky-mix-up masterpiece Little Man is complete and ready to hit theaters, director Keenan Ivory Wayans is preparing the next project into which he’ll pour his legendary comedic genius. I know you’re rolling your eyes and thinking, “Let me guess – Marlon plays a wise-cracking albino parakeet in a ghetto petting zoo after his brother Shawn schemes up a silly plan to get rich on the world’s only stand-up comedian bird?” Good guess, but the Wayans Family Patriarch’s next project actually happens to be a timely big-screen adaptation of the Homey the Clown character from his 13 year-old sketch show, In Living Color. You really have your fingers on the pulse of pop culture when you understand America’s pressing need to once again enjoy Damon Wayans hitting children with a sock and saying “Homey don’t play that!” over and over again. Not only am I thrilled about this movie, I also can’t wait to see his future projects – a “meet the parents” adaptation of Roc next year in which a Wayans Brother tries to marry Charles S. Dutton’s daughter, then Keenan’s long-awaited Tyrone Biggums movie with Dave Chappelle for the reclusive comic’s triumphant comeback in 2018 (or a Wayans Brother playing the crackhead if Dave’s still crazy then).
Raise you’re hand if you’re tired of singers making a big thing about farewell tours and retirement and then coming back two years later with a comeback tour. I mean people who retire from their day jobs and have an office party at Applebees with the whole firm and a big Carvel cake aren’t allowed to come back to the same job in a year as if nothing happened. So the same rules should apply to high profile celebrities.
K-Fed wants to save the penny. It makes perfect sense to us. They have a ton in common:
1. Despite being sick of them, neither will disappear any time soon.
2. Both have supporters that want to keep them around– though you really can’t understand why.
3. If you saw one laying on the street you probably wouldn’t make an effort to pick it up. Unless you were desperate.
4. Both are 19 millimeters in diameter, if you know what I mean.
5. If you think about it, neither have any REAL value.
6. Whenever you find yourself actually reading about either of them, you tend to stop yourself and think, “Wait- why am I reading about this? This is stupid.”
7. If you make a wish and throw either of them into a well, your wish comes true. Seriously, give it a try sometime.
8. Both have gotten into Britney Spears pants.
9. But honestly, she doesn’t need them.
10. If you received either of them on Halloween this year instead of candy you’d be disappointed, wouldn’t you?
11. And finally; Neither can rap.
Our very own Pete Holmes sent us this hilarious animated short pulled straight from his stand-up routine. You can watch it now, but I’m warning you: you may never look at pinatas the same way again.
Oh my gosh, we have just received news announcing Hollywood’s latest famous parents-to-be, and this is the hottest, juciest one yet! You thought Sean Preston, Suri and Shiloh were a big deal? Those are just cabbage patch kids compared to the star power of this shocking, sensational pregnancy announcement! This birth is sure to bring about a media circus that not even Namibia – hell, not even all of Africa – could ever hope to contain. These parents are going to have to go to the bottom of the ocean if they want any shelter from the media storm the birth of their child will inevitably cause. See the big news for yourself after the jump!
Thursday night has become Windfall night. I like the show for 2 reasons: (1) it’s the only decent replacement show I’ve seen in the past few weeks, and (2) Watching Luke Perry on a Thursday night makes me a little nostalgic. If only Jennie Garth and Ian Ziering joined the cast I’d be a happy guy.
Beyond Windfall, I’m not sure what else to watch. The Office is re-running last season’s pivotal “booze cruise” episode (a must see for Office fans), while MTV has new episodes of Making The Band 3, Run’s House, and Pimp My Ride. Also on: Gameshow Challenge on CBS and a So You Think You Can Dance? results show. But what are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!