POLL: The Legend of Simon Conjurer: Real or Hoax?

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Okay, you watched Best Week Ever tonight. You laughed at the Celebrity Babies, you screamed when you saw Kenny Rogers‘ head, and you got a little bit excited when you saw Paul Scheer in a hot tub. Naturally– that’s to be expected. However, I’m willing to bet that one thing you weren’t ready for was this: The Legend of Simon Conjurer.

What the F is with that movie??? I mean, have you seen the trailer? I’m so confused! The movie looks laughably bad, it’s written and directed by "?", it doesn’t have a release date, and it stars Academy Award Winner Jon Voight… in a fat suit! Am I missing something here? I think I am. So I need you to do me a favor. Watch the trailer, check out the website, and then let me know: The Legend of Simon Conjurer– is it real, or is it all some elaborate hoax? Please help me.

While You Were Hunting For Booze-Filled Eggs

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  • CruiseprimetimeThe Tom Cruise Crazytrain will be pulling into Primetime station tonight on ABC’s exclusive interview in which a "totally jazzed, man" Captain Thetan tackles Diane Sawyer’s tough questions – and probably Diane herself. 
  • Axl Rose is bringing Guns ‘N Roses to NYC for the live debut of songs from his long-awaited Chinese Democracy album.  The show will consist of Axl promising the crowd he’s gonna give a "genius performance", then fiddling around backstage for hours on end while the crowd is constantly reminded that said performance is coming "any minute", until everyone finally stops caring and just goes home.
  • Legendary French actress Brigitte Bardot, now in her 70′s, says she "barely eats".  She’s really been such an inspiration on the actresses who came after her.
  • Eminem finally issues a statement about the tragic shooting of his best friend and mentor, Proof.  Something tells me he’s going to say some really mean things about the shooter on his next album. 
  • Page Six drops a bad news bomb on my future Sunday nights, saying that Jeremy Piven’s character on Entourage, which is undoubtedly the best thing about the show, will be leaving the series next season.  Before you get too bent out of shape about the lack of "hugging it out" in your future, consider the souce – maybe producers just didn’t make their last payment to the scandal-ridden paper.

White-Collar White Dudes Rap Better Than K-Fed

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According to Kevin Federline, he has "no choice" (3rd item) but to pollute the world with his godawful hip-hoPoZaoing "rap music", saying it’s not like he can "do construction, just start building houses in Malibu".  Yes, the cruel hand of fate (and his wife’s celebrity) has FORCED a microphone towards his face and all poor Kev can do is speak the truth about what it was like for him growing up on the mean streets of suburban Fresno. 

But that doesn’t mean we have to take it silently.  In fact, a duo of – get this – white investment bankers/"haters" have already recorded a diss track called "Wake Up, K-Fed" (right click, save as) that’s making its way around the Internet.  While it ain’t Wu Tang, this joke track sounds like the second coming of Tupac compared to Federline’s own "America’s Most Hated".  Pretty bad when you can’t even win a rap battle with a couple of bankers.

Kevs, you might want to think about picking up a hammer and nails after all – you’re gonna need to stay somewhere when wifey’s gravy train comes screeching to a halt.

Money Magazine Editors Go Job-Hunting

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Mark Dochtermann, the director of technology for Electronic Arts, has the best job in America according to Money Magazine. Sure, Dochtermann designs video games, but even he admits that mostly entails staring at a computer screen, writing code for 80 hours a week.

Check out some other jobs the magazine thinks are dreamy based on their list of the 50 best jobs in America .  If  Real Estate Appraiser, Human Resources Manager or Sales Engineer are fantasy jobs, it makes you wonder how boring working at Money Magazine really is.

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • If you can’t wait for more 90′s style techno with vocals by a neurotic actress, go to TMZ to hear Brittany Murphy’s musical endeavor with Paul Oakenfold. It’s almost as cutting-edge as Little Black Book.
  • Popbytes has a mashup of Bjork’s A Hidden Place and The Cure’s The Forest. It works, especially, for teenagers who want to go to a really dark place while they’re getting dressed for school.
  • John Prine’s Fish and Whistle sounds a lot like early Bob Dylan before the god complex, the Jesus fetish or the line-drawn facial hair.  Thank Keep the Coffee Coming for this friday folk moment.   
  • Our good buddy at Advanced Theory has a cornocopia of musical youtube offerings this Friday. Take your pick from the Talking Heads, The Smiths or Tim Buckley on The Monkees. (How was that show ever canceled?)

Is MySpace Having the Best Week Ever?

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A cursory glance at Google News reveals some shocking discoveries – MySpace is having a crimewaveTeachers are harrassing teensTeens are harrassing teachersCollege students are becoming pedophiles.   The violence and chaos is getting so out of hand that the popular networking site is scrambling to contain the problem.  The MySpace Madness is causing panic in the streets (or at least the Information Superhighway)!  The government appears to be a few public service announcements short of declaring a state of MySpace Martial Law! 

What has become of this "place for friends"?  I still remember the good old days when the worst thing you had to worry about on MySpace was that one friend who leaves all those annoying videos and songs in your comments section.  Now I know what you’re thinking – this all sounds horrible, so how can MySpace be having the Best Week Ever?  Well in case you didn’t notice, people getting in trouble and getting on the news is getting MySpace tons of free publicity, causing the site to get even bigger (and the crime problem to get even worse).  So yeah, I think MySpace is having the Best Week Ever, even if many of their users potential victims are not.

Now hurry up and add us before it’s too late!  We promise we won’t harrass you (too much).

BWE Film Festival 4/14/06

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It’s a holiday weekend and what better way to kick it off then with a new collection of comedy shorts. That’s right it’s the weekly Best Week Ever Short Film Fest. Today we have three great clips starring your favorites from Best Week Ever and more! First up, is a sneak peek at a potential new HBO series. Next we have an exclusive trailer of the new Rob Corddry film Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story. The film stars BWE’s own Paul Scheer, Rob Huebel and other great comedians. The final film for today is a poignant tribute to Man and Beast, so enjoy!

And remember, if you want to submit a short to us, send it to films (at) bwe (dot) tv

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Kevin Smith on Clerks 2

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Kevin Smith babbles to the YouTube audience about putting clips on YouTube, lip synchs in front of a camera, dances in front of a camera, wonders what happens to his dignity, shows a clip from Clerks 2. In that order. Unfortunately absent from the video: Doesn’t call Reese Witherspoon a c**t again; doesn’t apologize for Jersey Girl.  [watch the Jersey Girl 2 Clerks 2trailer here]

While You Were Photoshopping Tom Cruise on the Sybian

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  • Kenny Rogers says he’s not happy about the plastic surgery he had on his eyes. No complaints about his head transplant, though.
  • Brad Pitt’s is sporting Maddox’s mo-hawk. The got your nose trick is funny, but Maddox really wants is hair back.
  • Jada Pinkett Smith says husband Will saved her from a life of drugs and promiscuous sex. Basically, having any fun.
  • There are lots of opportunities for former Dancing With the Stars participants. All of them, however, are based in Las Vegas.
  • Wilmer Valder(yo)mamma gets Erik Estrada’s blessing to make the movie version of Chips. A sigh of relief resounds across the western hemisphere.