Trading Races: the Next Great Idea In Reality Television

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What do you get when you add one part Wife Swap, two parts Soul Man and a dash of Ice Cube, all mixed together in a pot full of bad ideas?  FX’s new reality show Black.White., which chronicles the wacky adventures of a white family in blackface and a black family painted white. 

I challenge you to gaze upon the show’s official website, roll over the faces of the families, and try to figure out what is more absurd:

  • The fact that the white dad in blackface looks more like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now than he does any black dude I’ve ever seen, and the black dad in whiteface looks like a sketch character from Chappelle’s Show?
  • Ice Cube‘s most "poignant" comment on racial issues since N.W.A.?
  • Or is it the startling arrogance of a heavy-handed reality show (on FX nonetheless) that presumes to legitimately illustrate the complexities of race relations in contemporary America?

Be sure to tune in next Wednesday.  If you can just get past those icky feelings of offensive awkwardness, you might learn something about how white people and black are so different, they’re actually the same!

Stavros Niarchos: We Check IDs

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The Las Vegas police have decided that it’s time to crack down on underage stars going to 21-and-over clubs. Well, that is if you think Paris Hilton‘s boyfriend, Stavros Niarchos, is a star. The Venetian and Hard Rock Hotel allowed Niarchos into their clubs for New Year’s Eve parties and it was caught on tape, so the authorities aren’t happy. We don’t think Paris should have to go out alone, so we’ve made a fake ID for Stavros. Have a great time, kids!

GAMES: Deal Or No Deal

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HowieIn case you haven’t heard, NBC is following up the ratings failure that was success of the Winter Olympics with a full week of the Howie Mandel game show Deal Or No Deal.

I tuned in last night, and I’m not going to lie: Deal or No Deal makes you long for the days of "complex" game shows like Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?, Name That Tune, or That One with Those Creepy ‘Whammy’ Things. Basically, the only things you need to compete on Deal is a pointer finger and the ability to count. Beyond that, it’s all luck of the draw.

Don’t believe me? NBC has a Deal or No Deal game you can play right here. Of course, if you’re playing at home and you decide to make a Deal instead of going for the big (non-existent) prize you really have to question your intestinal fortitude. But still. You can start practicing now. Soon enough you’ll be ready to read number out loud and point at suitcases with the best of them. Deal.

Introducing The Chicksdigger…

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Sarah_jessica_parke_199185m Matthew McConaughay thinks Sarah Jessica Parker is "peculiar." The duo are currently starring in the comantic romedy Failure to Launch. According to MSNBC’s The Scoop, "Matthew gets along with pretty much everyone but he basically couldn’t bear Sarah."

While we think her love of designer clothes is adorable, her yelps are a riot and her hair is lustrous–it appears that she’s a Chicksdigger. A Chicksdigger is a woman who girls and guys just can’t agree on. Women think she’s gorgeous men think she’s gratingly annoying. Chicksdiggers usually have squeaky voices, fabulous clothes, a rotating array of hairstyles and a knack for over-enthusiasm. Found in film, TV and music, these unconventional women seem like the perfect companion for shopping, breaking up with a boyfriend, sharing clothing or enjoying a fruity cocktail. But when it comes to men they signal lots of talking through panic-attacks and waiting outside of dressing rooms. Other possible Chicksdigger candidiates after the jump…

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SIZZLER: Brangelina Wedding Date

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According to the National Ledger, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will be married on June 27, 2006. Apparently the folks over at Jossip did some digging around and found the happy couple’s registry at Tiffany’s (under the names Angelina J. Voight and William B. Pitt). Meanwhile, these guys are offering odds on a springtime wedding. Since you know it’s going to be in the summer, just place a bet and use your winnings to pay for the Tiffany’s wedding present!

While You Were Picking Up the Pieces of Your Alarm Clock

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  • Rolling_stones The Rolling Stones are planning their first ever concert in China.  The tour will be called Crouching Richards, Hidden Jagger. 
  • Well, it’s Tuesday, so you know what that means – shambled baby Pete Doherty has been arrested again, this time adding car theft to his long rap sheet of drug charges.  This rocker is set to self-destruct in 10…9…8…
  • Reese Witherspoon will be paid $29 million for her next movie, becoming the highest paid actress of all time.  Not to be outdone, Julia Roberts reportedly paid herself $30 million for a home movie she shot with cameraman husband Danny Moder
  • Athletic actress Hillary Swank is the inspiration for a new perfume fragrance.  It’s called Stank.
  • Is Lindsay Lohan now having make-up sex with ex-boyfriend and unlikely ladies man That Guy From That 70′s Show?  Is there anyone this girl ISN’T boning?  Could any of you get me in touch?

The Bachelor: Moana Loses

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Rose_1 There has been a public outcry on our old posts over the Bachelor’s choice in last night’s show finale(even though we predicted it based on a MySpace profile). After dissing Moana and chosing Sarah from Tennessee, it seems he did indeed "travel all the way to Paris just to end up with the girl next door" (for a few nights and then back to hot Parisian women).

Well, to assuage poor Moana’s heartbreak (re: her new blog-poem  "void"), we’ve decided to offer her a rose and this reminder of who Travis really loves after the jump.

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…OF THE DAY

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  • MADE-UP NAME THAT’S NOT FOOLING ANYBODY: Jane, instead of Jennifer (Aniston). (New York Daily News
  • AVOIDANCE OF THE WORD NERDY "Unconventional." As in, "Comic-Con draws on the unconventional." (USA Today
  • IRONY: Brokeback parodies. So there are 800,000,000 out there, all of them make straight characters look gay. But what’s ironic is that the original trailer for Brokeback Mountain made the gay characters look straight.  (Yahoo!)
  • CONTRADICTION: We said we wouldn’t do it, but here’s another Brokeback parody: Brokejack Palance. It’s just that good.
  • MOST BELIEVABLE HEADLINE: "Clooney Denies Barr’s Genital Claims" (Contact Music)   
  • GEORGE WHO ACTUALLY TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS MISTAKES: George Michael, who said of his arrest that it was "my own stupid fault, as usual." (People
  • MOE SZYSLAK MOMENT: Moe takes a lie detector test. (Gorillamask)
  • CHRISTIAN WEIRD-HOBBY HALL OF FAME: Christianitytoday.com‘s, starring Duct Tape Artist Melody Williams, Skunk Enthusiast Brittany Miller, and plastic-spoon collector Betsy Coblentz.
  • BAD LYRIC: "I understand you been running from a man/Who goes by the name of the Sandman." America, "Sandman." (Granneman.com)

It Haircut: The Flop Top

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Male haircuts have been through it all. Remember the butt cut of high school days — made popular by the Furlongs and Leo Dicaprios of our youth? or the razor-friendly Kid n’ Play fade? How about the George Clooney circa ER Cesar cut? We took it and ran with it. Well thanks to Patrick Dempsey, 2006 welcomes the next male haircut : the flop top. The loose, messy, but still greased-up look signals both sensitivity and smoothness. A good flop top is wavy all over, long enough to be lustrous, but short enough to be non-confrontational  It pairs nicely with facial stubble and engenders a kind of femininity not commonly found in past hair fads. If the metro-sexual haircuts of the early 2000′s signaled a breed of men who relied heavily on hair products, this new look only reinforces that sensibility. Requiring at least two quarter-sized scoops of pomade, this flowy man-look proves it’s okay to be more beautiful then the women you date as long as you’ve got a smug smile to go along with it. Here we christen the flop top with a handful of serum and a photo gallery after the jump….

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