The fearless investigative journalists over at TMZ have blown another hole in the case against Suri Cruise’s existence by uncovering some shocking – shocking! – discrepancies between the birth certificate of Suri and the birth certificate of Brooke Shields’ daughter, who happened to be born the same day. Supposedly the same registered nurse signed both documents, but neither of which bears her official license number, thereby casting doubt on their authenticity. There’s too much brain-bending information and irony at play here to even attempt thinking too hard on it, but evaluate this latest evidence and form your own opinions on whether or not it should be taken suri-ously (suri, I could help myself. Okay, I’ll stop now.)
Got something of your own you want us to see? Drop it now!
Last night Amy Sedaris went on The Colbert Report to promote her new movie Strangers With Candy (in which Stephen also happens to star). I won’t disprespect what happened next by trying to explain it – just enjoy!
Lindsay Lohan plans on showing off her raunchy side by publishing a book of sexy photographs. Please note, this is much different than when Lindsay shows off her raunchy side by doing just about everything else. This is art.
The book will be titled “Narcissist” and Lindsay can’t wait to show the world her sensual side. She also can’t wait to find out what the word “narcissist” means, and plans on doing so once one of her assistants looks it up for her.
“It’s my body. And I like my body. And I like my breasts. And no, they’re not fake. I think a woman’s body is so much more sensual than a man’s. I’m not saying strip off all your clothes, but there are certain photos I like people taking of me, where I’m comfortable. As long as it’s tasteful. Why not?”
So there you have it. Sounds like Lindsay is taking a page out of the Madonna handbook. But I swear, if there are any pictures of her humping Vanilla Ice, I’m out of here.
If you want to kill massive amounts of brain cells and don’t have any paint thinner or airplane glue handy for huffing, a nifty trick is tuning in to The Real World on MTV. The ‘Key West’ incarnation of TV’s original “reality show” produces the same brain-numbing effect without the unpleasant odor of chemical substances – I know from experience. In the two episodes I was required to watch this season, the only thing that made be feel anything other than outright loathing for the incomprehensible stupidity of everyone involved was the soul-crushing human tragedy known as Paula Ann Meronek. A Real World producer’s wet dream, Paula Ann brought sorority girl hotness to the house, along with both a serious eating disorder and an abusive boyfriend that she insisted “still really does love her”. Exemplified by the episode in which said boyfriend “says he’s sorry” for hitting her by sending a care package of Cristal champagne, watching her brainless brand of self destruction would have been hilarious if it wasn’t so completely depressing. Anyway, I guess the bubbly buzz has worn off because yesterday Paula was arrested and charged with assault after biting her boyfriend during another domestic dispute. Hopefully he’ll arrive at county lock-up with caviar and a bottle of Dom – otherwise, this relationship could be in “real” trouble.
To start, you have your regular reality shows. Shows like Rock Star: Supernova, Last Comic Standing, Janice Dickinson’s Modeling Agency, Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List, Big Brother 7, and The Real World. But on top of that, tonight you’re also blessed with I Love The 70’s, The World Series of Pop Culture, Dirty Jobs, and My Super Sweet 16. Fair enough. Want more? How about The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and a Primetime Special about a guy who moved to England and started a family while assuming the identity of a child who died in 1963. Oh, and if that’s not enough for you, the MLB All-Star Game airs tonight too. About the only show on that’s not real tonight is (thankfully) Rescue Me. So what are YOU watching? Vote now!
- Jackie Chan disrupted a concert in Taiwan on Monday, drunkenly jumping onstage and demanding to sing a duet with the performer. Hollywood movie bosses are already planning to turn this display into Chan’s next film, tenatively titled The Legend of Drunken Disaster.
- Some girl went a little too wild on Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, punching him in the face outside a Hollywood nightclub. You know, it’s terrible to see such bad things happen to such good people.
- Lindsay Lohan is the latest spokesperson for acne medication Proactiv. Because your skin should always be clear, even if your conscience can’t be.
- Young Hollywood stars definitely prove that, even when you’re famous, if you’ve been getting wasted for hours on end and no longer have any sense of space or time, Taco Bell tastes awesome.
- Speaking of Nachos Bell Grande, is Greek Shipping Heir Starving Nachos pulling his ship back into the port of Paris?
Say what you will about the new season of Chappelle’s Show, but this skit (and song) is pretty great.
Okay, so seriously, say what you will about the new season of Chappelle’s Show. What do you think of it so far?
I bet she has a great personality.
Sometimes it’s not easy being nice. You try. Say something nice in the Comments.
(More pictures of Eva without make-up over at TMZ)
It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, July 10th! Michelle Collins is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including Beach Patrol, Hell’s Kitchen, and Anderson Cooper 360 with Dave Chappelle!