While You Were Failing To Launch

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  • Clooney_1Manwhore George Clooney managed to stave off the advances of Womanwhore Lindsay Lohan, mercifully avoiding the apocalyptic tabloid nuclear fallout that would have resulted.  It’s good to know that Oscar George is above Wilmer Valderrama’s table scraps, whereas Batman George probably wasn’t.
  • A fan threw a syringe at Giants slugger Barry Bonds as he played in the outfield yesterday.  Jeez, whatever happened to peanuts and crackerjacks? 
  • "Uncle Jesse" John Stamos will become a regular in the cast of ER this fall.  Meanwhile "Unlce Joey" Dave Coulier will continue being a regular at the Sunshine Diner on Fairfax.
  • Ambien on your Corn Flakes?  The Breakfast of Champions.  And by "champions", I mean cokehead has-beens two casino tours away from the cast of The Surreal Life
  • Recently sprung supermodel Naomi Campbell visited peace activist and former South African President Nelson Mandela. Mandela had to repeatedly explain to Campbell that she couldn’t fight apartheid with her "cellphone of mass destruction".
  • Scandal-plagued Republican Tom DeLay has been forced to step down from Congress.  During his farewell address, DeLay reportedly shook his fist and yelled, "And I would’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you snooping blogs!"

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Naked News Streaker

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Yesterday we were treated to a rear-view of super-celebrity Lindsay Lohan. And if that weren’t enough, we discovered the exposed frank n’ beans belonging to the less-famous, but equally as shameless Brian Cox during his appearance on the The Tony Danza Show. And today, we bring you the bare naked ass of a complete stranger. Smit Happens has footage of a local news station’s unexpected visit this past weekend from a streaker. Read more about how the event shocked the Dallas news station, and check back here for more brief nudie shots before we start charging you for it.

Pimping Out the Dead

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Bob already mentioned the recent advertisement depicting the late Chris Farley in an attempt to sell pharmaceuticals.  But this got me thinking – why stop there?  What other products could use the long-deceased face of some of history’s most recognizable celebs?  I mean, it’s not like they can say "no".  Check out what I came up with!

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BWE Photoshop Contest: Covais In Yo Face

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American Idol
is on tonight, but who are we kidding? Things just haven’t been the same post-KC. No, not Kurt Cobain, I’m talking about the other KC– Kevin Covais (a.k.a. Chicken Little.)

In an effort to fill the KC void in my life, I’ve been listening to a lot of In Utero and photoshopping Kevin Covais’ face onto anything and everything. It helps ease the pain. That’s why we’re holding a Kevin Covais In Yo Face Photoshop Contest. Click below, you’ll get a series of Covais faces. Put them anywhere. Everywhere. And email your submissions to BWEphotoshopContest@gmail.com. We’ll post our favorites on Friday.

So go ahead. Where are you going to put your not-quite American Idol?

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While You Were Grateful You Don’t Work on the Set of One Tree Hill

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  • One Tree Hill’s Chad Michael Murray is engaged to possibly pregnant, possibly underage on-set extra Kenzie Dalton. This after annulling marriage with co-star Sophia Bush. High school kids can be harsher, but no one is harsher than 20-something actors playing high school kids.
  • Shakira wins humanitarian award. Not only do those hip not lie, they help needy children too.
  • Kristin Cavallari will star in an indie psychological thriller called FingerPrints. Great, can you send that straight-to-video?
  • Nicole Richie throws surprise party for DJ AM. He’s more surprised he’s still with her.
  • Jessica Simpson will play a lifeguard in Baywatch the Movie. Another creepy decision made by dad, Joe Simpson.
  • Julia Roberts convinced Jennifer Aniston to star in Derailed. Sounds like a sabotage to me.
  • Justin Timberlake wants to help Britney with a comeback record. He should probably focus on his own comeback record. He’ll need it once his movie comes out.

Snakes On A Plane– For Kids!

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Proving once again that there are no original ideas in Hollywood, we present the children’s book Busy Busy World, starring Noah the Boa Constrictor.

Blogger Noah Stone– that’s no coincidence, he was named after the snake (seriously)– has a few pictures from the out-of-print children’s book. The book that MUST’VE slipped into the hands of some powerful movie execs who immediately thought, "This is perfect! A snake on a plane! Do you think we can get Samuel L. Jackson to star? What am I saying, of course we can!" The rest is history. [link via Defamer]

Who Are The Ad Wizards That Came Up With This One?

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Chris Farley is back, and bigger than ever! Well, that’s because he’s in billboard form. The Farley estate has okay’d the use of the former funny-man’s image in a series of new billboards plugging a new treatment for drug and alcohol abuse. It’s assumed David Spade is going to try to weasel himself into this as well, just like he used to do. Here’s the first one made available online. So what do you think? Tasteless or appropriate?Farley

SIZZLER: Kidman’s Marriage to Cruise Annuled

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It’s been reported that Nicole Kidman had her marriage to Tom Cruise annulled. In order for the film star and devout catholic to marry her current sweetheart Keith Urban in a Catholic church, she has taken action to have her divorce from Tom Cruise wiped from the slate.  But while most annulments are granted after quickie Vegas weddings, is it possible for Kidman to pass off her 11 year marriage with kids as a misguided whim?

It seems she’s found a loophole in the system. According to Australia’s Sunday Mail: ‘"It is believed Kidman has been told she would be granted an annulment of her marriage to Cruise because that marriage did not conform to the requirements of the church."  Huh? We can’t think of anything about their marriage that wouldn’t conform. But I guess all marriages have their skeletons in the closet. Some just require room for people.

Too Hot for TV: The Amazing Race

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If you haven’t been watching the Amazing Race, you’re missing out on a well-produced award-winning reality show that bridges the gap between geography, gender, and racial divides. But you’re really missing out on the jaw-dropping voyeuristic pleasure of this post.

Um I don’t know if this is real. I don’t want to know. But it looks like those macho, uber-heterosexual womanizers, Eric and Jermey got on really well with the wacky, frizzy-haired San Francisco hippies, BJ and Tyler. They got on so well they even formed a conga line off-camera. These photos were reportedly taken after the show was taped but before it aired and but it looks to me like every body’s a winner! (They don’t call him BJ for nothing) Go to ONTD and scroll down to see why.