If you’re not already reading the sporadically-updated blog of A-list Hollywood screenwriter Josh Friedman (War of the Worlds, The Black Dahlia), you really should be. Even if you only have a passing interest in screenwriting, or even none at all, Friedman is consistently hilarious, entertaining and insightful. Like William Goldman, but angrier and way more funny. Anyway, here’s an excerpt from his latest post – a mediation on mortality, and the ways in which our words can help us live on:
"Our words will always outlive us, immortalizing us if not always powerful enough to make us immortal. Although if we choose our words well, there will always be a way back to life, a way to and fro
through time…If we choose our words well there need not always be a last. If we choose our words well there will always be a way to find us. I have chosen my words. They are:
There are motherf**king snakes on the motherf**king plane."
We think Katie Holmes has been a great partner to Tom Cruise throughout her pregnancy. Our only complaint is that she’s way too noisy. While she usually lets Tom do most of the talking, the few times she does speak her voice threatens to bother the baby. Which is why we’re thrilled Katie decided to birth her baby in complete and utter silence.
In fact, she’s not the only one who can’t make noise. Tom has posted a sign outside their mansion requesting silence and slow physical movement anywhere near the unborn baby. Any loud noise from Katie, the doctors or any one else involved in the birthing process could be detrimental and irritating to
Tom, we mean the baby.
Hey, guess what, after watching WifeSwap, Prison Break, 24, and The New Adventures of Old Christine last night, I’m willing to say that I had the best night ever. Check it out.
Star Jones called into The View to talk about her breast lift, and apparently Joy Behar got sick of hearing about it. After Jones talked about for a while about how the lift was quite a hoist, Behar took the bull by the horns:
… Behar grabbed a pen and furiously scribbled a note, then gestured to Meredith Vieira to read the note, tapping the paper for emphasis. "Last Friday was my 44th birthday, but my boobs still think they’re 20," Jones said – and that’s when Behar heard enough. "OK, Star. That’s enough about you. On to us. ‘Bye," she snapped.
Behar was bleeped when she added "Keep your [breasts] perky!" in a mock-cheerful voice. "I’m glad to see you haven’t changed," Jones shot back. "Even today, you are still a b***h," she said before the call was abruptly cut off.
Do I detect a note of jealousy?
See the video!
Just like grandma, Disney knows more about sex than you gave it credit for. Two sex-ed films by the iconic children’s entertainment company have been floating around the Internet. One’s an informational guide to menstruation that makes your period seem like a visit from a fairy godmother. The other is a war-themed film on how to fight STD’s (called VD’s then) told from the perspective of a pooh-shaped disease who also happens to be a general. Apparently in those days, to cure yourself of an STD, all you needed was a little soap and a good pee.
Even before Kevin Smith gave his speech at the University of Pennsylvania, where he called Reese Witherspoon a See You Next Tuesday and told anecdotes of Nicole Richie doing blow and nailing good buddy Jason Mewes in a bathroom, the campus was abuzz with anticipation of his arrival. According to an article in the Daily Pennsylvanian, written before the event, organizers predicted his "speech would likely have wide appeal" and expected the speech would be rife with "allusions to Star Wars and New Jersey."
The paper explains the the Mallrats director was chosen by a survey of the student body. After last year’s guest speaker Martin Sheen provided a snoozefest with his discussion about "his commitment to community service," undergrads were committed to scoring a lecturer who would hold their attention for five minutes. Smart move.
You know what, I’m just going to go out on a ledge here and say probably.
You can read why I think Wilmer is having the best week… month… year… life ever, right here.