FINALLY: Wilmer Valderrama Tells All!!!!

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The world’s most famous "Wait, how did that guy get that girl?" dude Wilmer Valderrama (slightly ahead of runner-up, Adam Duritz) went on the Howard Stern Show this morning and spilled his guts about EVERYTHING you’ve ever wanted to know about his sexual conquests. Among the highlights:
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–Lindsay Lohan is one of the best girls he’s ever had.
–Ashlee Simpson is incredibly loud.
–The first girl he dated in Hollywood was Ariana Richards… you may remember her as the kid in Jurassic Park.
–On a scale from 1-10, he gives Jennifer Love Hewitt an 8.
–Speaking of the number 8, Fez claims to be "slightly bigger" than 8 inches.
–He got with Mandy Moore when she guested on That 70s Show.
–He’s videotaped himself in bed on more than one occasion, but he’s erased the tapes so they wouldn’t leak onto the internet.
– He’s had two women at once.
–And completely unrelated to all of this, he recently purchased Chuck Norris’ old house.

You know, back when I was a teenager I would say that I’d trade the rest of my life for the rest of Hugh Hefner’s life. I’d like to update my wish. Instead, I’d like to trade the rest of my life for a week of Wilmer Valderrama’s life. It actually doesn’t sound like that bad of a deal.

You can read the entire recap of the Howard Stern Show here. Thanks to The Corsair for the heads up.

Celebrity Blog Watch: Guess Who!

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One of my favorite things in the world (besides fantasy baseball) is scouring the internet and reading the musings of celebrities. Blogs, editorials, commentaries– if a famous person’s writing it, I’m reading it. What can I say, I’m shallow like that. Well, today we’re going to play a game. I’m going to include a quote from a celebrity’s writings, and you’re going to have to try to guess who said it. Here we go:

"Tagalongs" are peanut butter cookies. I like peanut butter and I like cookies but I’ve never liked peanut butter cookies.

Okay, so who’s rambling about girl scout cookies today? Is it:

a) 60 Minutes curmudgeon Andy Rooney
b) Deal or No Deal host/ neatfreak Howie Mandel
c) Fan of both cookies and girl scouts, Rosie O’Donnell
d) The adorable Mandy Moore

Who do you think said it? Find out the answer by clicking below.

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LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • YANP becomes my new best friend by posting the first song from the forthcoming album from The Walkmen
  • MOKB has tracks from the must-listen Band of Horses.  They sound sorta like The Shins, though it’s yet to be determined whether Natalie Portman finds them as life-changing. 
  • Check out a creepy-cool little ditty from the unfortunately-named band Sunset Rubdown over at GvB.
  • Get under the covers with EC,EU’s nice little collection of cover tracks, including Paul Anka doing "Smells Like Teen Spirit"???
  • Scenestars have tracks from singer/songwriter Cory Branan’s new Waffle House-themed album, "Prettiest Waitress In Memphis".
  • Aquarium Drunkard’s got an uncharacteristically perky new song from singer/songwriter Josh Rouse
  • BWE Online’s own Jason Hartley has recorded a riveting, soul-crushing tribute (right click, save as) to the magic that is only known as Danza.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT/SIZZLER COMBO: Samberg, Parnell and Dunst Love Triangle

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The Daily News reports today that Kirsten Dunst and SNL’s Andy Samberg may be making sweet, mock-rap music together. According to gossip-monger Ben Widdicombe,"Celeb spotters saw the two Monday at Los Angeles’ Hotel Cafe… "They were hugging and cuddling during the show," says a witness."

It’s hard to gage how accurate this info is, based on the fact that Widdicombe refers to Samberg as Adam not Andy.  But if it is true, Samberg will have large cuts of beef to squash with Lazy Sunday co-conspirator Chris Parnell–who, according this old-school SNL video, both rapped humorously and professed undying love for Kirsten Dunst, years before Samberg ever bit on the teat of Lorne Michaels.

The Daily Danza

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Enjoy it while you can, because this may be one of the last Daily Danzas ever. Yes, last week Tony mentioned in his opening monologue that ABC’s network execs had a meeting about the future of the show and "it didn’t go well." But take heed, there’s still hope yet. Sign the Save Tony Danza petition and make your voice heard. And if you need some inspiration before you sign, listen to BWE’s original song, Don’t Cancel Tony (music and lyrics by Jason Hartley). Together we can make a difference.

Laguna Beach Used Car Sale

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It doesn’t matter if they don’t work, if they’re overpriced or if they smell like teenager, these cars are one of kind. Right now, Ebay is having a sale on not one but two broken down cars once owned by the stars of Laguna Beach! For just $11,000 you can own a 1994 white Jeep that you saw practically explode in smoke on the show, courtesy of teen sensation Kristin Cavellari. While it still may be ‘dunzo’, it’s now equipped with a bikini rack and video game console–perfect for any Laguna Beach teen who has lots of bathing suits and no where to go.

And if you’ve got a little more cash to spare, consider LB superstar Lo’s Volkswagon Jetta. At just $15,000, this white car comes with leather interior and a backseat that holds secrets that only the cast of Laguna Beach and their camera crew know.

Tell your daddy you want both cars or better yet tell him he doesn’t love you ever since he divorced your mommy and you may be the first person on your block to "own a piece of TV history."

Kevin’s Big Job

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Britney_kevin_2Something big happened this weekend. Something huge. Something shocking. No, I’m not talking about George Mason pulling off a big upset in the NCAA tournament and advancing to the Final 4. Hardly. No, I’m talking about something even more unlikely–

Kevin Federline had a job.

Yes, you read that correctly. This weekend, K-Fed wore the pants in the family and played the role of breadwinner by appearing at Vision nightclub in Atlanta. At 11 p.m. he was placed on display in the "V.I.P. circle" so onlookers who paid $1,500 for a table could… well, look at him, I guess.

Sure, standing "on display" doesn’t sound like "hard work" to us, but c’mon– we’re talking Mr. Britney Spears here. It’s a step in the right direction. Maybe someday he’ll do something that’s actually considered laborous, but in the meantime, let’s take what we can get.

Check out more pictures from Kevin’s big night on the job by clicking below.

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WHILE YOU WERE ASKING POPEYE FOR CONCEPTION ADVICE

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  • According to Christopher Anderson’s Barbra: The Way She Is Barbra Streisand was intimate with Warren Beatty, Ryan O’Neal, Steve McQueen, Kris Kristofferson, Don Johnson, Jon Voight, Elliott Gould, Andre Agassi, Richard Gere, Omar Sharif, Liam Neeson, Peter Jennings, Tommy Smothers, and Peter Weller. Strangely, her husband, James Brolin, is not on the list.
  • Kevin Smith doesn’t care for Reese Witherspoon: "I did vote for her for Walk the Line because she was so good," Smith said. "I forgot how much I hated that c—!" Kind of like how Smith’s fans have forgotten why they liked him.
  • Anthony Hopkins‘ Hannibal Lecter was named the ultimate movie bad guy in a new magazine poll. Billy  Zabka was totally robbed. 
  • Isaac Hayes is angry that people think that the real reason he left South Park was that he had a stroke. He prefers the "I’m a slave to Scientology" explanation.
  • Jennifer Lopez has put herself on a strict spinach diet because she wants to become pregnant. Sounds like somebody needs the birds and bees talk.
  • David Bowie and Sting are supposedly planning to open a branch of the burlesque club Forty Deuce in Manhattan. Oh sure, when it’s those guys it’s a "burlesque" club.