Nick Nolte: What Might Have Been

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I’ve been spending a lot of time lately at my new favorite website, notstarring.com. The site tells you what other actors were considered for roles made famous by someone else. For instance, David Schwimmer was considered for the Will Smith role in Men in Black. (It’s sort of like the parallel universe IMDB.) Nick Nolte seems to have had particularly bad luck: He missed out on Han Solo, Indiana Jones, Rambo, and Superman. I can’t help but wonder what Nolte’s career would have looked like if only he had made
some different choices…

Meet the Human Giant

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Best Week Ever friends Rob Huebel, Paul Scheer and Aziz Ansari have combined forces and created an unholy comedy trinity called The Human Giant.  Some are saying this might be the best giant since the Jolly Green one.

Check out their new site to see some of the funniest  videos available on the World Wide Web (Information Superhighway). 

SIZZLER: White Wins the Lohan

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Olympic snowboarder Shaun White, AKA the Flying Tomato, did what every little boy dreams of when he took home the gold at Bungalow 8. On a night when anything could happen and all odds were against him –White surpassed established players like Johnathan Rys Myers and Jared Leto to score himself one very elusive Lindsay Lohan. Elated but exhausted he later told press: "Her and I ended up meeting up at the famous Bungalow 8. It was a good time. It was a trip." White’s advice to skinny redheaded teens throughout the country is just to follow your dreams(even the sticky ones).

KFC: Finger Clickin’ Good

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To deal with all those Tivo and DVR users who fast forward through commercials, KFC has made an ad with a secret message that is "encoded such that it is only visible while the commercial is being fast-forwarded watched in slow motion." KFC is also "offering a free sandwich to those who can regurgitate the hidden phrase." Of course you also will likely regurgitate the free sandwich too, but it’s still a good idea.

Thanks to Engadget!

While You Were Reporting To Spring Training

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    Katie Holmes
    has been visiting her local Scientology Center three times a day. She still hasn’t found the secret exit to escape.
  • Goodfella Joe Pesci won’t be charged for allegedly punching a fan. And if anybody asks, you didn’t see nothin.
  • Movies and TV shows that feature people interacting with cartoons have been banned in China. Roger Rabbit plans protest.
  • Hilary Swank & Chad Lowe were spotted eating lunch together. It’s assumed that Swank picked up the tab.
  • Vin Diesel is set to star in a new videogame movie. That’s one step closer to the headline "Vin Diesel set to star in videogame."
  • Jack Osbourne denies romance with Kate Moss, which is shocking because wouldn’t you think it’d be the other way around?

Access Hollywood 1984

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Today’s POST SHOW, "Persons", features a hard, cold look into an Orwellian celebrity future that might be closer than we think. 

Be sure to look out for the special cameo from Best Week Ever’s own Pete Holmes

…OF THE DAY

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HEADLINE
: "Mutant Chickens Grow Full Set of Teeth" (Fox News)

FUTURE PURCHASE: The HomePub draft beer system.  (via Double Viking)

CUSTOMER SERVICE IMPROVEMENT: Automated Taco Bell ordering.  Wonder if they programmed the machines to mispronounce the menu items.  (Flickr)

TURKISH DELIGHT: The offical Brokeback Mountain poster literally translated to "Faggot Cowboys" in Turkey.  (Screenhead)

STUPID HIPPIE SAN FRANCISCO IDEA: Conducting an experiment to turn dog waste into power.  (Reuters)

DATED CATCHPHRASE I WANT TO BRING BACK: Schwing!

RANDOM BLOG POST: Some dude’s hilarious list of Johnny Weir’s "Weirisms". (How was your day, Dan?)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Drew Barrymore!

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Charlie’s favorite Angel (well, Top 3 anyway) celebrated her 31st birthday today. We know you probably want to wish her a happy b-day, so we decided to make things easy for you. Thanks to the magic of creative googling, and creative photoshopping, you’re just a couple of short steps away from wishing Drew a happy 31st.

Here’s all you have to do: save the Birthday Card we made to your desktop. Print it up, and mail it to:

Creative Artists Agency
9830 Wilshire Boulevard
Beverly Hills, CA 90212-1825

Happy Birthday Drew! And keep on keepin’ on.