YOU BE THE JUDGE: Worst Rapper of All Time

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Shaq
There’s nothing quite so wonderful as the vanity rap song.  Pioneered by masters of the form such as Shaquille O’Neal, Deion Sanders, Allen Iverson and Ron Artest, it seems that an athlete simply can’t be superstar without a godawful hip-hop track with lyrics that sound like they were written by a dyslexic fourth grader. 

Anyway, the latest MC master to throw his hat into the ring is none other that football bad boy Terrell Owens

My question to you is this: which would be most effective as a form of torture – TO or KFed?  Answer in the comments.

While You Were Resolving To Eat Salad

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Pariscartoon

  • As if they weren’t already cartoonish enough, Paris and Nicky Hilton are planning an animated series about their lives.  If you’re going to let your kids watch, make sure they sit super-close to the TV, eating a big bowl of frosted sugar, on a pile of dirty needles, preferably near a chemical spill. 
  • Kevin Federline.  New "track".  MySpace.  Papa-wow, this is amazing music
  • Oprah is boycotting Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.  The rest of the media hopefully, mercifully to follow. 
  • In a SHOCKING turn of events, South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have announced that this week’s season premiere of the show will spoof all the recent controversy surrounding last season’s Scientology episode.  God bless the press. 
  • Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke dissed British Prime Minister Tony Blair this week, refusing to meet with him to discuss climate changes.  Yet again, Thom Yorke has totally ripped off Jessica Simpson.  What a copycat.
  • A week later, the press is finally coming to the realization (7th item) that adding Google Maps to your day-old reader-submitted celebrity sightings report isn’t exactly a life-threatening problem for famous people. 

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Karen_o
    I don’t know how I missed this yesterday, but MOKB posted a bunch of pictures from SXSW and included some mp3s. Head over there before it’s too late and grab tracks by SXSW faves What Made Milwaukee Famous, Tapes ‘n Tapes, Field Music, and more.
  • The only reason to go over to go over to Badminton Stamps  and download the Arctic Monkeys demo called "Cigarette Smoke" is because they rhyme "cigarette smoke in your eyes" and "snorting some coke off her thighs." That’s good enough for me.
  • The new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album comes out next week. Whet your appetite with the track "Let Me Know" posted over at Rock n Roll in the Real World. It’s a new track but it’s not on the album, so you won’t be spoiling anything if you’ve been holding out.
  • A half Dutch/ half English version of the Counting Crows song "Holiday In Spain"? It’s so bizarre it kind of actually works. Check it out here, via Audiography.
  • Stereogum has the Moby song "When It’s Cold I’d Like To Die" that was used in this Sunday’s Sopranos. He doesn’t, though, have an answer as to what the hell is going to happen to Tony.

The Apprentice’s Biggest Loser

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Bio_brent

Last night, Brent Buckman was kicked off The Apprentice, in part for being too fat to sell cereal. The overweight attorney from Canada, took the heat in the boardroom for Synergy’s failure to win over Post cereal executives. But mostly he was booted for being unanimously considered annoying by all his teammates (who incidentally all had "beautiful figures"  according Trump.)

It appears that Buckman took his fat fish in a small pond experience to heart, and sought revenge on both his teammates and breakfast cereal. According to his website,  Buckman has lost 110 pounds on a own diet of his own creation. The weight loss plan? It consists solely of the breakfast cereal’s biggest competition: The Bagel.  Revenge is sweet (and buttered)

Save The World Champ!

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Can someone please tell us what’s happening to our beloved World Champion/Best Week Ever panelist Judah Friedlander in this picture from Premiere Magazine?  Why is he getting karate chopped by That Guy From That 70′s Show?  And does this mean he has herpes now?  Somebody help!

Judah2

Can You Do the Fandango?

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If you’re like me, and you’ve spent the past few days in a state of bitter jealousy over all the coolness you missed at this year’s South By Southwest Music Festival, why not throw a little more salt onto the wound and check out Kiss Atlanta’s awesome video of the Flaming Lips covering Queen’s seminal rock opera "Bohemain Rhapsody":

(Thanks, Jen!)

The Blow Out Drinking Game

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Blowout

Tonight marks the premiere of season three of Jonathan Antin’s Blow Out. To celebrate this monumental event, we recommend a drinking game to get you through an hour long show that takes place in a hair salon. Every time Antin says the word "product," drink. If this season is anything like the last, which was devoted to covering the designing and merchandising of "Johnathan Product" you will be calling in sick to work on Wednesday. Actually, the trailer alone is enough to get you drunk.

Harrison Ford: Wife Force One

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This just in: It’s a bad idea to marry Harrison Ford.

Thanks to this clip, you never have to go see another Harrison Ford movie ever again. This sums up every single one of them. It’s simply amazing. Watch it now.