IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Lindsay Binges On SNL (But Not Quite)

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Brace yourselves. I’m about to do something I haven’t done in years– I’m about to defend Lindsay Lohan.

Some of my favorite websites (like Gawker) have been ragging on Lindsay today for her fake-cake-eating on this weekend’s SNL. If you watch the clip, you’ll see that Lindsay repeatedly brings the spoon up to her mouth to "eat" but never actually does so.

Now, it’s easy to make fun of Double L and call her anorexic for not scarfing down on the chocolate cake, but I’m going to stand up and say that Lindsay was just playing it safe so she didn’t get caught with food in her mouth on live TV. From a guy who choked on a muffin on stage during his middle school production of Oklahoma, I’m just going to come right out and say that eating on display isn’t nearly as easy as it seems.

Wait a second. I meant to say if I appeared in my middle school production of Oklahoma I bet it wouldn’t have been easy. It was a… hypothetical. Shut up, leave me alone.

Is The Governor of Namibia Having The Best Week Ever?

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Imagine being the governor of Namibia. I’m sure that’s something you’ve done in the past, but I want you to take a second to imagine it again. Okay. Let’s move on.

Samuel Sheefeni Nuuyuma is the governor of Namibia, and this week he’s taking a break from dealing with actual problems and issues to focus on something much more important: protecting Brangelina in their glorious quest to have a baby without the paparazzi bothering them. So not only do Brad and Angelina have lions protecting them, they have Samuel and his threat to arrest journalists if they enter his country without proper work permits. Thats a one-two punch that you’re not gonna get up from. Take that, People.

So with the added star power, the glowing endorsements (Angelina "loves Namibia") and the last name with 3 ‘u’s in it, all signs point to Samuel Sheefeni Nuuyuma having the best week ever. In Namibia, at least.

While You Were Giving Your Newborn a Scientologist Baptism

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  • Hilary Duff will never strip for sake of acting career. In that case, Haylie Duff may be your go to girl.
  • Meg Ryan says Dennis Quaid cheated. Still no excuse for her permanently freaky facial expression.
  • Calista Flockhart has negotiated an $800k contract to star in a new TV series. And with this one, she’s allowed to eat!
  • K-Fed loves being called a pimp by the press…and a Pimp-daddy by his kids.
  • Nick Carter questioned over assault allegations. While you’re there, might as ask him how much longer he plans to make a career as a Backstreet Boy.
  • CNN interviews the three wives of Big Love. Asks if they like to ‘swing.’

One More Cup of Coffee Coke

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If you would have been focred to make a list of "inevitable commercial pairings" in 2001, I’m curious how many of you would have written down The White Stripes and Coca Cola. I’m not sure I would have.

On the one hand it made sense. You had Jack and Meg, two musicians who dressed solely in red & white garb and sang songs about hotels named Yorba and falling in love with a girl. Cutesy Coke stuff.

But on the other hand, you had Jack and Meg, two kinda freaky people from Detroit who pretended to be brother and sister when they were actually divorced. That’s a little too kinky for a soft drink company, I think.

Anyway, since then time has passed, the Stripes threw some black into their wardrobe, and now we have a Jack White- penned Coca Cola advertisement that’s cooler than most of what you hear on the radio today. So check it out. It’s by far Coke’s most rocking-est jingle since "You got the right one baby." Oh wait, that was Pepsi. Hmm. Nevermind. [watch it here. link via The Modern Age]

The Daily Danza

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If you’re on the Tony Danza Show, there’s only one rule: Don’t upstage Tony. We don’t think Tony  was kidding when he tried to kick his guest chef off of the show today. But in Tony’s defense, the guy talked directly to the audience. Nobody, and we mean nobody, talks to the audience except Tony.

Oh my God, They Censored South Park! You bastards!

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Those of you who watched last Wednesday’s episode of South Park (and really, you should have by now. we even posted a clip here) were probably taken aback during the climatic scene when the Muslim prophet Muhammed was finally set to appear. Instead of airing the show that revolved arond the issue of censorship the way it was meant to be seen, Comedy Central edited the s**t out of it. Instead of watching Muhammed hand Peter Griffin (from Family Guy) a salmon covered football helmet, we were instead treated with a description of the event, followed by the line "Comedy Central has refused to broadcast an image of Muhammed on their network." Harsh.

Now, like WWTDD points out, this wasn’t a gag. They really were censored and they really were not allowed to include an image of Muhammed on the show. This time. A couple of years ago, though, it was alllll good in the hood. WWTDD has a couple of clips from the Superfriends episode where Muhammed fought crime with Jesus, Buddha, and a few other religious prophets. And they also have the unedited clip from last week’s episode. Watch it now… that is, if you can handle being SO OFFENDED by such a SHOCKING and INAPPROPRIATE cartoon. Best of luck. [watch them here]

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • HarlanindexStereogum gets under the covers with a couple tracks from the forthcoming Radiohead tribute album. 
  • Aquarium Drunkard gives some much-deserved love to Memphis, featuring both freak-troubador Harlan T. Bobo and his whiskey-soaked countrymen, Lucero.
  • It’s March madness over at GvB, who has posted their favorite songs from last month.
  • The Rawking Refuses to Stop has some moving pieces from Beck, M. Ward and Beth Orton from a recent Elliot Smith tribute concert. 
  • The Village Indian documents the latest developments in the Gnarls Barkley craze that’s sweeping the nation, with Ray LaMontagne now riding merrily along the bandwagon.
  • YANP posts Bearsuit’s latest song, "Steven F***ing Spielberg", which sounds more like something from a movie by "Alfred F***ing Hitchcock".

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT HERE: The Katie Couric Effect on Letterman

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The Daily Sixer posted this funny bit from the Letterman show called The Katie Couric Effect about the domino effect of shifting talk show hosts in the wake of Katie Couric’s departure from the Today Show.

Funny, I think I saw the same idea somewhere, where was it? Oh right here! Check out our posts The Katie Couric Effect, and The Katie Couric Effect Revised, respectively. I guess great minds think alike. Ok their great minds had a similar idea to my normal person’s mind.

What About Brian? Will He Be A Hit?

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According to whataboutbrian.org, the fishy, "unofficial fan-site" (created innocently by a "venture capitalist who loves Barry Watson" and not at all by ABC executives)for the new show What About Brian about a perpetually single guy with coupled-off friends, 75% of viewers think the show is going to be a hit. Unfortunately, 100% of reviewers disagree.

Personally, I was so excited to see such a refreshingly funny portrayal of the anxieties of a single guy who just wants to belong. We’re talking about What About Bob?, right?

BWE Photoshop Contest: Tom Cruise: You Complete Me

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Cruise_hoffThis picture is big in Germany. Huge.

This unholy matrimony of Cruise / Hoff by Marcus is one of the many amazing photoshop entries we’ve received thus far in our Tom Cruise: You Complete Me photoshop contest. It’s about time these two men shared a moment together, isn’t it?

Think you can do better? Email us your entries to BWEphotoshopContest@gmail.com. We’re gonna post our favorites every day until Katie loses that basketball she’s been hiding under her shirt has the baby. So get cracking.

Click below to check out two more of our favorite entries so far, and to get the Tom photo to work with. Good luck!

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