What kind of Messiah would Brangelina’s baby Shiloh be if her blessed life were not worshipped and honored in song? Admit it, while slightly repulsed, you’re not altogether surprised that someone has finally taken the initiative to write the inevitable “Shiloh Nouvel” song. The divinely-inspired musicians are none other than The Fresh, an LA-based musical comedy duo. Go to their MySpace page, turn up the volume, and give your most reverent attention to the beatific sounds of this most holy choir.
In what is turning out to be the greatest – and grossest – trading card collection since Garbage Pail Kids, Gallery of the Absurd’s Celebrity Trading Cards combine artistic talent with inane celeb gossip and produce hilariously creative results. There are only two cards so far (the first depicted Jessica Simpson’s creepy dad), but I can’t wait to see what sort of besteverness those kids come up with next.
Tom Cruise conspiracy theories are fun. Tom picked Katie Holmes to be his gf off a list of available actresses; Katie signed a multimillion dollar 5-year girlfriend contract; She was never pregnant; Suri doesn’t exist; War of The Worlds wasn’t a terrible movie; Tom likes women; etc, etc, etc. Well, now there’s a new one to add to the list:
Tom Cruise was never actually married to Nicole Kidman.
The BBC is reporting that Kidman’s 10-year union to Cruise wasn’t recognized by the Catholic Church of Australia. The service was seen only as a legal ceremony and not a spiritual one. In other words, according to the Catholic Church anyway, it never happened. [continue reading]
Okay, okay, so the full story is actually Tom Cruise was never actually married to Nicole Kidman in the eyes of the Catholic church. But come on. Where’s the fun in that?
- Gwyneth Paltrow has announced that she is currently in the process of recording an album. It makes sense, I guess: she acted in a crappy movie about karaoke singers and she’s married to a crappy pop singer – she deserves the chance to sing crappy music of her own.
- Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh was detained at an airport this week when authorities discovered a prescription bottle of Viagra in his luggage that didn’t have his name on it. Though he found it difficult to explain to authorities why he had Bill O’Reilly’s penis pills, six copies of the Log Cabin Republican Magazine and a filthy loofa, the fast-talking radio host was finally able to board his flight.
- There was a time when a Cameron Diaz nip-slip actually meant something. Now everyone’s all like, “Oh, it’s not her secret baby with Justin Timberlake’s newborn nipple? Then frankly we don’t give a damn.”
- John Cusack has filed for a restraining order against a woman he claims has been stalking him. The Los Angeles woman apparently really, really, REALLY loves dogs.
- Speaking of dogs: Moose, the Jack Russell terrier who played pooch “Eddie” for 10 years on Frasier, has passed away, joining Lassie, Benji and Old Yeller in the VIP section of doggie heaven (cause that’s where they all go), where he’ll spend his days eating Kobe beef and having more poodle sex than he ever thought possible.
It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, June 26th! Lauren Brown is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including Treasure Hunters, Hell’s Kitchen, and How To Get The Guy!
- PETITION: Send Art Brut to Top of the Pops. I’m sure many of you don’t know who Art Brut is, or what Top of The Pops is, but trust me: it’s a good cause. (Pitchforkmedia)
- QUOTE: “How much cocaine would I have to do to lose 10 pounds?” – Paul Scheer’s mom. (Paul Scheer)
- SAD PASSING OF HOLLYWOOD ROYALTY: The most likeable character on Frasier, Eddie (real name: Moose) is no more. (D-Listed)
- ADVERTISEMENT: Al Gore & Bender from Futurama are here to scare the s**t out of you. (Screenhead)
- ASS KICKER: Ashlee Simpson. Keep it clean ladies, and please, stay away from the new nose. (Hot Online News)
After photos of Brangelina’s first baby sold for millions, and now that we’ve learned that TomKat’s price demands for Suri’s First Photo have still not been met, we thought we’d explain the volatile Celebrity Baby Photo market by providing you with this helpful price guide, using a broad spectrum of examples from which you might better understand the cost of getting exclusive shots of newborn stars 20 minutes before all the blogs do.
TomKat – $10 million, made payable to The Church of Scientology, along with no less than 12 open-minded recruits for a ‘preliminary audit’ at the Center
- To Die By Your Side posted three great tracks today. So head on over there for tracks by the Eels, Flaming Lips, and The Who.
- Speaking of the Eels, The Of Mirror Eye has 4 tracks from Live At Town Hall.
- Speaking of live, Sweetheart Of The Radio has a few live Cat Power tracks from a radio session in 1998. Good stuff.
- Speaking of good stuff, Interpretations Diverses may not speak English, but they do have 2 tracks off the new Islands CD– one of the best CD’s of the year, if you ask me.
- Speaking of me, I like Elliott Smith, which is why I enjoyed Jefito Blog’s Complete Idiot’s Guide to Elliott Smith. I won’t ruin the ending for you.
- And finally, speaking of ending, I’m going to end this list by directing you to three tracks by Wang Chung. Head over to Lost in the 80’s and download them all– none of which are “Everybody Have Fun Tonight”, believe it or not.
Every morning when I walk out of my apartment located in Manhattan’s Lower East Side I’m greeted by about 14 side-by-side posters for ABC Family’s new show Kyle XY. The premise, from what I can gather, is that he’s a guy without a bellybutton. And that’s about it. Umm… that’s good enough for me!
You know what else is good enough for me: How To Get The Guy. It’s the funniest unintentionally funny show on TV and definitely worth checking out if you can stomach the awkwardness. Also on tonight: Saved & The Closer on TNT and Fast Inc. on MTV. What are YOU watching tonight? Vote now!
You might remember a couple of weeks ago BWE broke the news that John Mayer was going to drop by the Comedy Cellar to try his hand out at Stand-Up comedy. Well, when word got back to John that his surprise appearance was no longer a surprise he decided to postpone his Cellar debut. So it wasn’t until this past Friday that he finally hit the stage in an attempt to entertain comedy lovers and drunken tourists alongside Dave Attell, Jim Norton, and our very own Sherrod Small.
How’d he do? Well, if you visited Gawker or Stereogum today and read this guy’s account, he bombed. Hell, I read it and I believed it because blogs are the single most reliable news sources on the planet. Right? Right? Wrong.
Sherrod Small calls Bulls**t!
“This is ridiculous,” Sherrod said. “The guy took John’s words and turned them around. It wasn’t insensitve. Money, he used the N word once at the end of the show when he was talking about his Dave Chappelle appearance and how people come up to him and say ‘give me a pound, nigga.’ Nobody was offended. Everybody loved it.”
There you have it: the same show, two different perspectives. I think I’m going to believe the comedian over the anonymous blogger, though. Call me old fashioned.