Who’s Who In Your NCAA Basketball Pool

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DukeIf you’re like most Americans, chances are you’ve received an email or a phone call from a friend asking you if you’re interested in joining their NCAA basketball pool. And, if you’re like most Americans with a slight gambling problem, you probably said yes.

Before you submit your sheet and write in UConn to win it all, Cracked is offering you a little who’s who in your Office Pool, so you know exactly what you’re going up against.

I like this little cheat sheet. I fall right in between the ‘You’ category and ‘The Guy Who Doesn’t Pick Any Upsets’, so my chances are pretty good this year.

So go Duke! (and every other team with a seed higher than the team it’s playing against!) I could use the $75.

SIZZLER: It’s a Boy!

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Tomkatieclap_2 US Weekly is happy to announce that Tom and Katie are having a boy!Now that TomKat are happily married, it’s safe to say their son will have a normal, healthy, upbringing just like any other kid in the undisclosed neighborhood. Tom will go to all of junior’s basketball games with his photographer buddies and Katie will read him bedtime stories about the friendly aliens that have infected our bodies. Oh the vitamins they’ll take, the church-going community they’ll build around them, but most exciting is the look on Tom’s face when he sees his little baby boy after along day year at work.

SIZZLER: Lindsay Lohan Wants to Get Married Like Britney

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Lindsay Lohan wants to follow in Britney Spears‘ (bare)footsteps:

The 19-year-old star would have no problem following in the singer’s footsteps because she would like to see what marriage feels like for a minute. She explains, "Marriage is a big deal, but who’s to say I’m not going to pull a ‘Vegas’ and get married just to get married and see what it’s like for a minute?"

It would awesome if she married the same guy that Britney married. How cool would it be to get to say, "I was married to Britney Spears AND Lindsay Lohan"? Step up, Jason Allen Alexander.

While You Were Getting Your Boss’s Free Starbucks Coffee

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  • Nicole Kidman becomes the next incredibly morphing celebrity as she starts to resemble Keith Urban. Hopefully she won’t assume his streaks.
  • Starbucks is giving away free coffee nationwide from 10-12 today.
  • Honey! Andy Dick got out again and he’s running loose in Austin. I told you it’s best to keep him locked up .
  • Is Jessica Simpson preggers? Did I just write the word preggers? Shoot me.
  • Kanye West will produce a feature film inspired by his music…Tentatively titled the Passion of the Christ 2.
  • It’s not fair! On the Jewish Holiday of Purim, Madonna’s family doesn’t have to go to temple and eat dry hamentashen. They get to dress up as french maids and party at a nightclub. And Madonna says they’re still in the book of life.

SIZZLER: Tom and Katie Already Married?

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It’s being reportedly supposedly alleged that not only are Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes not over, they’re already married. The National Enquirer says that they got hitched in a ceremony eight months ago. The Enquirer had more details:

[O]ne of the church’s chaplains married the couple early last July in a ceremony at sea.

TomKat, who met a few months earlier, are said to have exchanged rings emblazoned with triangular Scientology symbols during a Caribbean cruise aboard the sect’s ship the Freewinds, reports the New York Daily News.

I hate it when people get married in secret, but at least I still have four months to send them a gift.

…Of The Day

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TRIBUTE: A Press Your Luck clip, featuring the greatest Press Your Luck player EVER. (Gorillamask)

MIDNIGHT MOVIE-ESQUE HEADLINE: Daytona Prostitutes Hunting Serial Killer (local6)

REALITY SHOW YOU’RE NOT GOING TO WATCH: P. Diddy’s Celebrity Cooking Showdown (The Celebrity Blog)

AMERICAN IDOL FAVORITE: We got Chris Daughtry at 7-2 odds. How about you? (EW)

ANOTHER REASON THAT IT’S HARD OUT THERE FOR A PIMP: You have to hang out with Paris Hilton. Sorry, Three 6 Mafia. (TMZ)

EMBARRASSING BASEBALL RELATED STORY: Doc Gooden arrested… again. Barry Bonds immediately sends him a thank-you note for keeping him out off the headlines today. (SI)

When Microsoft Makes Fun of Itself, It’s Not Funny

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Remember that Microsoft i-Pod parody? The one that imagined how clunky, wordy and dull the packaging for the MP3 player would be if the PC giant created it? I’m sure you assumed, like the rest of us, that the film was devised by some inflamed Apple revolutionary in an underground lair filled with other like-minded, Mac-obsessed hipsters with creative haircuts intent on overthrowing the Bill Gates empire.

But guess what?  Microsoft made the video! It turns out those wacky dudes in Seattle have a great sense of humor about themselves. Unfortunately now that we know Microsoft created it, it’s just not as cool anymore.

WHILE YOU WERE WISHING YOU WERE RIC OCASEK

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  • Charlize Theron is being lined up to star in a film about Dusty Springfield. In other words, after playing ugly for Oscars, she’s switched to the Reese Witherspoon model.
  • King Kong has been voted the best movie of 2005, earning it the top prize at the Empire Awards. For those of you not familiar with the Empire Awards, it is the award given by the World Gorilla Association. 
  • Speaking of King Kong, Jack Black has reportedly eloped with his girlfriend, Tanya Haden.  Let’s hope she doesn’t go Yoko on Tenacious D.
  • Will Ferrell is not dead
  • The Cars are getting back together, with Todd Rundgren taking over for Ric Ocasek. I’ll bet he’d rather take over for Ric as Paulina Porizkova‘s husband! 
  • Vince Vaughan wants Jennifer Aniston to gain 20 pounds so he’s giving her lots of sweets and booze. If anyone knows how to put on 20 pounds, it’s Vince Vaughn.