Harrison Ford: Wife Force One

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This just in: It’s a bad idea to marry Harrison Ford.

Thanks to this clip, you never have to go see another Harrison Ford movie ever again. This sums up every single one of them. It’s simply amazing. Watch it now.

While You Were Wishing Starbucks Made an Extra-Venti Coffee

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  • Brad_pitt_2
    Jennifer Aniston
    was spotted donating Brad Pitt’s clothes to charity. The local homeless expected to now look even more homeless-y.
  • Jennifer Lopez and Eva Longoria are teaming up for a yet-to-be-titled comedy. J-Lo and E-Lo? Producers have already requested two extra trailers to house their egos.
  • Sharon Stone revealed that she’s looking for a guy who would "want to wear Spongebob pajamas and sit in the front row at the school play." Meaning, Sharon Stone wants to f**k a fifth grader.
  • The word is: Wow. Stephen Colbert has signed a seven-figure book deal. And that’s your word.
  • NBC is hoping to snag Meredith Viera if Katie Couric leaves the Today show for CBS. If you’re a female in your mid-40′s who still hasn’t gone back to work since having a baby ten years ago, this is big news.
  • Brokeback Mountain is coming to DVD on April 4. More annoying internet mash-ups to follow.

Pete Doherty and Mike Tyson: BFF

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It appears that Pete Doherty has finally met someone who understands him: Mike Tyson. According to Female First, he did a solo performance for Tyson at a bar, and the fighter gave him a standing ovation. Someone on the scene said, "They were getting on really well, so Tyson asked Pete to play some songs for him. Pete always has an acoustic guitar with him so he played two or three Babyshambles numbers.

"He got a great response. Tyson loved every minute of it." They are said to have stayed up all night talking in what must have been the most fascinating conversation in the history of the world.

…OF THE DAY

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  • Moose_car_5
    HEADLINE: "Moose lands in front seat of car." (AP)
  • ST. PADDY’S DAY HANGOVER: Guy who got arrested for pissing into the gas tank of a marked police car during a parade (Smoking Gun)
  • UNLIKELY BLOGGER: Geoffrey Chaucer (via Boing Boing)
  • E-BAY RETURN: The first man ever to buy an entire town on eBay is putting it back on eBay (AP)
  • HARD THING ABOUT BEING A PIMP: Triple 6 Mafia sued for inciting beatdown.  (MTV)
  • EYE ROLL: Liberal activress Susan Sarandon is going to play liberal activist Cindy Sheehan.  (SFGate)

While You Were Waiting For Mom to Make Stovetop

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  • Siennamillerblue5 Desperate Housewives shoots a scene for an upcoming episode at Hooters. They didn’t go for the waitresses, they really like the wings.
  • Tina Yothers arrives at the TV Land Awards. Next year it’ll be the Grammy Awards once her band Jaded finishes recording in the studio on garageband.
  • Josh Hartnett doesn’t think Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton make good role models.  Role models don’t think Hartnett makes good movies.
  • Gossip hounds say Sienna Miller’s is on the verge of a mental breakdown . Still looks pretty to me.
  • Sharon Stone says peace "is just a breath away." It’s just a kiss away it’s just a shot away hay…
  • After being bombarded by media, the reincarnation of Buddha has reemerged from hiding.  He may be contemplative but sources who decorate their homes with little Buddha statues say he’s still not fat enough.

Is Dylan Innes Having the Best Week Ever?

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Who is Dylan Innes you ask? Only the first production assistant ever to be interviewed celebrity-style for his week of work on a movie. But he didn’t work on just any movie, he worked on the Snakes on a Plane movie. So his buddies on absolutepunk.net scored the coveted interview with the P.A. and forced him to reveal more about the movie than the trailer suggests.

Innes, responsible for "hauling equipment and guarding the parking lot" answered questions like: Was it always called Snakes on a Plane? (no it was originally called Pacific Air Flight 121) how do the snakes get on the plane?  (Korean terrorists, of course) Did they use real snakes? (mostly CGI and rubber models but some real ones) and does he get "more ass now than ever before"? (yes, he met his landed a girlfriend on set). He may not have earned as much as Samuel L., but he managed to score a lady and the temporary respect of peers. Enjoy it now, Innes, next week it’s back to the parking lot.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Liza’s Laughing Fits

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Liza Minnelli was on Larry King Live last Wednesday, and judging by this video… well… she’s finally lost it. Granted, this video is a compilation of various parts of the interview pieced together to make her look insane, but still, I don’t think the people at fourfour had to try too hard to do that.

Watch the video now, and be prepared to be amused. Or terrified. Or both.