…Of The Day

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J_love_hewitt
VIDEO: Carmen Electra’s now-infamous, possible contract-ending Sybian ride, in all its glory. (Here, via Gorillamask)

OFFER YOU PROBABLY CAN REFUSE: A 55-year-old Italian Pornstar has offered herself to Osama bin Laden in exchange for an end to his tyranny. (Adult Industry News)

DENIAL: Jennifer Love Hewitt throws a wrench into the Wilmer Valderrama sexual empire by saying she never slept with him. (Egotastic)

LIST THAT MAKES YOU FEEL INADEQUATE ABOUT YOUR LIFE: Money Magazine’s list of the Top 50 Jobs in America. ‘Blogger’ is nowhere in sight. (CNN Money)

NEWS STORY THAT HOPEFULLY DOESN’T INSPIRE A REALITY TV SHOW: While cameras rolled, three men in North Carolina castrated a willing patient. Next on FOX! (Court TV)

Is Brett Ratner Having the Best Week Ever?

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Evanstratner
Brett Ratner
, the undisputed holder of the title "Hollywood’s Hackiest Director", is like that guy in high school who, despite being a total jackass, always had the hottest girlfriend, the coolest car, the best scholarship, and all-around luck that would make the Irish weep into their whiskey. 

Anyway, in the course of the past week or so, he’s got Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan (who he might be dating) fighting over him, Ashton Kutcher punking Hugh Jackman at his house, the Malibu Film Festival honoring (!?!) him, and to top it all off, his longtime friend Robert Evans (above) has ‘stayed in the picture’ yet another week without croaking. 

Sounds to me like a classic case of Best Week Ever.

While You Were Calling Your Co-Worker A Spaz

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  • NicoletteDesperate Housewife Nicolette Sheridan’s even more desperate ex-husband is selling her engagement ring on eBay.  Classy.
  • John Travolta and wife Kelly Preston won’t acknowledge their autistic child’s autism, instead blaming it on a Japanese motorcycle company.  I think it’s ironic and cute that Scientologists are so bad at science.  RELATED: the Travoltas defend TomKat’s choice to have a silent birth.
  • A picture of Lindsay Lohan looking more animated and life-like than she has since The Parent Trap!
  • Jake Gyllenhaal, apparently feeling lonely and emotional following his sister’s recent happy news, can’t quit taking in Lakers games with his heterosexual life partner. 
  • EXCLUSIVE BREAKING NEWS: Alec Baldwin, who always likes to keep it topical, finally weighs in on Paris Hilton’s three year-old sex tape – he thinks it’s dumb.  You can exhale now.
  • Sure, you’ve already made big plans for tonight’s Passover Seder.  But what are you doing about Gassover later?

SIZZLER: Fergie Pregnant

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Fergie_pee

According to Star, Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie is pregnant with Josh Duhamel’s baby. The tabloid claims she’s been pregnant for 8 weeks now and the couple are deciding on when to tie the knot.

Congrats Josh! Now you’ve got two kids to potty train.

The Crazytrain Cometh – Tom Takes Manhattan!

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Kingkong
Holy moly I can hardly contain my excitement right now! I just recieved word that this summer’s Mission:Impossible Magical Mytery Tour of Tom Cruise’s Insanity is making a stop right here in Manhattan.  Just take a gander at THIS:

"While visiting New York for the May 3 screenings, Cruise is expected first to appear live at MTV’s Times Square studios for "TRL." Then he plans crisscross Manhattan by motorcycle, speedboat, taxi, helicopter, sports car and subway before landing at showings of the movie in Tribeca, Harlem and, ultimately, the Ziegfeld Theatre for the film festival premiere."

Do you have any idea what this means?  Not only is Captain Thetan gonna be in the same zipcode as me, he’s gonna be in my company’s BUILDING!  Probably on a MOTORCYCLE!  Oh man, I wonder if I can get him to personally – personally - save me from drug addiction???

Spazzes

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Tiger_woods_2
A public remark made by Tiger Woods in which he described a recent golf performance as "playing like a spaz" has been met with outrage, as many people are calling into question the appropriateness and sensitivity of using the term "spaz".  Spaz Rights groups have risen up in fury over the offensiveness of  the sports star’s casual put-down of their kind, and are now totally spazzing out about it.  They are also demanding the immediate removal of the terms "stupid", "idiot", "moron" and "over-reacting jackass" from the English language.

Ashlee Simpson’s Boyfriend’s Penis Looks Like A Skateboard

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Ashlee_simpson1Man, that Ashlee Simpson is so cool! Not only did she host the 2006 MTV Australia Video Music Awards this week, but she’s also dating a guy who’s manhood doubles as a skateboard! I mean, how bitchin’ is that?!?

Check out more pictures of Ashlee hanging out backstage with her well-endowed (if oiled properly) boyfriend by clicking below.

Read more…

Regrettable Tattoos

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Jlo_2
Check out this awesome photoshop contest from the people over at Worth 1000. The theme is "Regrettable Tattoos" and some of the entries are just amazing. Like this J-Lo one to the left. And the two Jessica Alba’s. And Bill Clinton.

Okay, I won’t spoil anything. Just head over there now.

Link via Cityrag.

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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Thriller

  • ‘You may recognize The La’s There She Goes from a car commercial or in end of some RomCom where the guy you’ve been rooting for finally gets the girl. But the best appearance it’s ever made is in the opening credits of So I Married an Axe Murderer accompanied by a giant cup of frothy cappuccino. Thanks for the memories Audiography.
  • Johnny Cash could look on the bright side of every song. Even one written by Bonnie Prince Billie. Listen to Oldham’s original version of I See Darkness and Cash’s moderately less suicidal cover at Kwaya Na Kisser.
  • Gomez’s Girlshapedlovedrug isn’t necessarily addictive, nor does it seem to come from the streets. But it does makes cleaning the house a bit more bearable. Go to MYOKB for the prescription.
  • Listen to Son House’s Mississippi Country Farm Blues on Honey Where You Been So Long and ask yourself why John Mayer is allowed to even wear blue.
  • I never thought anyone would have the balls to cover Thriller, but a woman named Petra Haden apparently has some monster balls or a karaoke machine. (Thanks my mean magpie)

Stop! Hammertime!

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Hammer
So the folks over at Deadspin were catching up on MC Hammer’s blog (naturally. They’re a sports blog… why wouldn’t they be reading about Hammer?) and they found this gem: a promotional rap video for the Atlanta Braves and Turner South, starring Hammer himself. Honestly, it’s his best promotional work since The Addams Family rap, if you ask me.

Watch the video here. Thank you DEADSPIN! Where would the world… and Hammer… be without you?

And one more thing: I’m not trying to draw any comparisons here… but I just think it’s a bit of a bizarre coincidence that Hammer has returned from the dead a couple of days before Easter. I’m not saying anything. I just think it has to be mentioned. That’s all.