WHILE YOU WERE WORKING

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We know you’re busy at your job (or pretending to look busy), so we looked all over the web so you won’t have to:

  • David Hasselhoff humps a Pepsi cap. The Brown and Bubbly just got even grosser. (AdRants)
  • Pink says she’s not a Happy Meal like Britney Spears. That’s true. She’s much more of a Whaler or maybe a McRib. (The Superficial)
  • Six-year-old suspended for sexual harassment. How touching. (A Socialite’s Life)
  • Sarasota High School disinvited Jerry Springer to host a dance because he wasn’t "an appropriate role model." Poor Jerry. He had his tux and limo rented and everything. (E!)
  • Tom Cruise is somewhat controlling: “[Katie's] life from now on [is] going to be about being a mother. I’m not giving her the chance to turn into another Nicole. I’ve got Katie tucked away, so no one will get to us until my child is born — and until I want them to.”  Then he drove away with Katie sitting on his lap. (The Bosh)
  • George Clooney is planning to turn Ocean’s 11 into a TV show. It just keeps getting better for that guy. (Digital Spy)
  • Toys ‘R Us employee says that Britney may or may not have driven without a car seat before. That settles that! (TMZ)

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Beck
  • Aquarium Drunkard has posted some old tracks from Beck’s1994 indie release "One Foot In the Grave".  What’s interesting is Beck was doing "freak folk" over ten years before anyone ever heard of Devendra Banhart or Joanna Newsom.  He’s the OG (or OFF, whatever).
  • Speaking of Devendra Banhart, Muzzle of Bees has a nice group of tracks from his live appearance on KCRW’s always-amazing "Morning Becomes Eclectic".
  • MOKB’s got tracks from a Bella Union sampler.  Be sure to get Midlake’s amazing new song "Roscoe" – that track’s been ripping my iPod up!
  • Check out these tracks (scroll down) from The Figurines, and awesome new band from Denmark that sounds a little like a harder-edged, more focused version of Modest Mouse.
  • And finally, Brooklyn-based Kidsmoke has a broad-but-rocking track called "Sound It Out" available for download.

Get ready for VD-Day!

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I mean Valentines Day.

Thanks to the Gallery of the Absurd for this amazing card. Be sure to send it to somebody you love… namely, yourself.

And hey, if you don’t love yourself, they also have Tara Reid and Tom Cruise cards for you. It’s going to be the best Valentine’s Day ever.

Hollywood Can’t Quit Gay-Themed Films

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Now that moviemakers have realized how much America loves the gays, Hollywood is gearing up to open the floodgates and unleash a furious downpour of same-sex-love on theaters near you:

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING LATE

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  • A pigeon mistook Katie Couric for a statue while she was shooting the Today show in Milan for the Olympics. It was caught by the pooparazzi. (I Don’t Like You That Way)
  • Oprah Winfrey has signed a three-year, $55 million deal with XM Satellite Radio. Now’s the time to ask her for that $5 she owes you. (Yahoo!)
  • A housekeeper pleaded guilty Wednesday to stealing valuables from her celebrity employers, including Robert De Niro. She was also responsible for his recent career decisions and will serve a life sentence for that.  (AP)
  • Authorities don’t intend to pursue charges against Britney Spears. So y’all let it go now, okay?  (AP)
  • Kanye West has been chosen to reinterpret the theme song for Mission Impossible III. This rapper will self-destruct in six months. (Billboard.com)
  • American Idol drew a larger audience than the Grammy Awards. So it’s settled: between freaks and artists, America loves freaks! (Drudge Report)

Family Celebrity Feud!

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This just in: Kanye West makes Brandon Flowers (the lead singer of The Killers) "ill." Them are fightin’ words. Check this out:

Asked if he was a fan of West, Flowers said, "He makes me ill. I wanted
to love him so much when he first came out. He has this sweet voice,
and there’s a cuteness to it. And then you see him in interviews and
he’s like a lion. It just ruined the whole package for me." (continue reading)

Well there you have it: Brandon Flowers doesn’t care about black people.

So what would happen if these two went at it Tupac/Biggie style? Well, I have it all covered in my Tale of the Tape, after the jump.

Read more…

Page Six: The Magazine

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Page Six–the much-loathed/loved daily gossip column in the New York Post–debuted the first edition of their glossy magazine today.   The 74 page issue features gossip, Oscar projections, gossip, a nightclub roundup, a Q&A with Victoria’s Secret models and more gossip.

Here’s what an extra long Page Six magazine really means: a great morning on the can!

Read more…