Malcolm In The Driver’s Seat

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MunizPiper mentioned this Tuesday, but it looks like the official word came down today:

Frankie Muniz has decided to follow in the footsteps of Jason Priestley and… Jason Priestley, by quitting acting to become a full-time race car driver.

The actor signed a two-year deal to race for Jensen Motorsport, meaning that you won’t be getting another Agent Cody Banks movie ’til 2008. At the earliest. Bummer.

Read about it here, via Defamer (who’s "World Cheers As Frankie Muniz Quits Acting For High-Risk Sport" headline made me laugh out loud like an idiot in front of my co-workers.)

Survivor Winner Revealed?

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Survivor

Has the Winner of Survivor Panama been leaked through online betting?

According to Realitytvworld.com, "Bodog.com announced Tuesday that suspicious betting patterns on one of the show’s eight remaining contestants has forced it to halt wagering on Survivor: Panama, the twelfth edition of the long-running CBS reality show." Apparently a friend of the winner has been leaking the information to the public. Find out who probably will win $1 million bucks and get sued for $10 million after the jump.

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Is South Park Having the Best Week Ever?

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Now in their 10th season, South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone seem to have gotten the creation of controversy down to a science (or a Scientologist, as it were).  Starting with last season’s now-infamous "Trapped In the Closet" episode in which they skewer Tom Cruise, his religion, his sexuality and R. Kelly in one fell swoop, the show has continued pushing highly public buttons, from Isaac Hayes to Islam, culminating in last night’s "Cartoon Wars" Conclusion that managed to make fun of Family Guy joke-writing, religious fundamentalists, knee-jerk reactionaries, free-speech idealists, kowtowing networks (clearly aiming at the hypocrisy of their own), Jesus, President Bush and big wheels – and still make a whole lot of sense.  It’s no wonder they finally won their first Peabody award

These guys are clearly having the Best Week – and the best season – Ever. 

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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Make

  • Tofuhut has two Biggie Smalls/Frank Sinatra mash-ups. It’s so moving to see performers find musical common ground regardless of race, genre or age, all in the name of earning money for people who are exploiting their deaths.
  • If you love cloaks, smoke machines and all things head-bangy . Or if you just want to piss off your office mate, here’s a live recording of Collosus’s song Kollosus (no relation) brought to you by the Oak Room.
  • Nina Simone’s cover of Beatles Revolution 1 and 2, is so refreshingly original we’re going to go ahead and call it Revolution 3. It’s up there with the Number One Songs in Heaven.
  • Thanks to Diddywah, we can safely say soul singer Bobby Womack had a very different experience from the Mammas and the Pappas when he was California Dreamin’. For starters, Mamma Cass wasn’t there.
  • Lost in the 80′s has the video for The Waitress’s  Make the Weather. I admit I never heard this pop-y early 80′s tune till now, but the video premise of a mad scientist watching the band perform in futuristic white room feels somehow familiar.

While You Were Debating Whether Your Dog Really Needs His Two Front Legs

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Lindsay_lohan_paris_h

  • Is Paula Abdul’s assault story fake? If you sat next to Simon Cowell everyday you’d concoct a fake assault story too, Jay.
  • George Clooney and Julia Roberts are reportedly feuding! That doesn’t make sense, she doesn’t have a blog.
  • Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan are feuding over Hollywood director Brett Ratner. Meanwhile, Ratner just wants them to kiss and make-up and kiss.
  • Lindsay Lohan’s wax figure looks similar to the actress, but Paris Hilton’s is uncanny. In fact, we could probably get rid of the real thing now.
  • Chad Michael Murray says his fiancee, Kenzie Dalton, is not pregnant. Teen pregnancy is so first season of One Tree Hill
  • CNN posts and them removes item that says Dakota Fanning is dead.   Soledad O’Brian hates the young competition. UPDATE: CNN post was solid blogger hoax. But it still doesn’t compare to the Zach Morris death hoax.

Tiny, Naked Ugly Butler or Two-Legged Dog?

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Forget teaching your dog to sit, stay or catch. Teach him how to walk upright like a person. This segment from the always hard-hitting Montel show proves that dogs can in fact walk like a people. And it’s as funny as we always imagined it would be.

Condoleezza + Watermelon = Racism

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Condirice
The Smoking Gun reports that students at Bellevue Community College in Washington were given a sample test that included an algebra problem that involved someone named Condoleezza, a watermelon, and a Federal building. Hmmm… I wonder what they were going for with that? The first line in the problem reads:

Condoleezza holds a watermelon just over the edge of roof of the 300 foot Federal Building, and tosses it up witha  velocity of 20ft per second.

The President of the school apologized to students for this "institutional racism", and the professor who wrote the question is currently seeking senstivity training. Now, I’m pretty good with math, but the one factor I really don’t understand in this whole thing is… Condoleezza Rice: she’s black? [You can read the entire math problem here]

Will The Real Jon Stewart Please Stand Up?

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Jonstewart
A charter school in Utah has something to be embarrassed about. Well, something else to be embarrassed about (besides being located in Utah.) The DaVinci Academy thought they made a deal with Daily Show host Jon Stewart to make an appearance at the school’s annual benefit dinner next week. They sent out 500 invitations to businesses and planned for 900 people to attend. Everything was going to be great. But one problem. They booked the wrong Jon Stewart.

Instead of booking Death To Smoochy’s Jon Stewart, they booked former motivational speaker slash professional wrestler Jon Alan Stewart. Whoops. When they learned of the mistake they canceled Jon A., and  sent out a notice offering refunds to those who purchased a ticket thinking they were going to meet one of the stars of The Faculty. Jon A., meanwhile, is believed to be so devasted he can barely bring himself to elbow drop grown men in speedos from the top rope anymore.

You can read the news story here. Or you can just click below to see the best of both worlds.

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Sir Math-A-Lot

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Sirmixalot_1
(S+C) x (B+F) / (T-V)

Ladies, do you have any idea what the golden ratio shown above really means?  If not, you might want to put down that beauty magazine for a moment and brush up on your math skills, because what you’re looking at is the recently-discovered scientific equation for the perfect butt

Find out how to breakdown your buns, hun – and mine – after the jump.

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