SIZZLER: Tom Cruise Jumps the Couch Again

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Tom Cruise made an appearance at the Yahoo! complex and brought along his "very pregnant" wife? girlfriend? Katie Holmes with him. Cruise said they didn’t have a name for the baby but it is due in a few weeks. Highlights included his arm-wrestling with Yahoo! CEO Terry Semel and jumping on a couch
(actually a chair, see left) while "all the women started screaming and went wild. He also babbled and said, ‘I want to know about Life. I want to know about movies.’" Don’t we all?

Here are tons more pictures!

SIZZLER: Kevin Costner No Whack Job

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According to the Daily News, Kevin Costner‘s camp is "vigorously denying that the Field of Dreams star engaged in sexual self-gratification in front of a horrified masseuse at a posh Scottish golf resort." This is in response to a report that a 34-year-old massage therapist claimed that an "American A-list actor" had "dropped his towel" and performed a "’disgusting’ act in front of her." Hey, even if he did do it, at least he’s still being referred to as an A-list actor. (By the way, The Postman rules, and don’t let anyone tell you different!)

…OF THE DAY

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  • HEADLINE: "Viagra for stallion who wouldn’t horse around." (AP)
  • MIND-BLOWING THING YOU DIDN’T KNOW BEFORE BUT WILL BE SO GLAD YOU DO NOW: Alan Thicke wrote AND performed the original theme songs for The Facts of Life, Diff’rent Strokes, and Wheel of Fortune.  But, curiously, not Growing Pains.  I know, you need to sit down now. (IMDB)
  • REASON THERE WILL NEVER BE PEACE: The pictures from last night’s hipster-fortified Concert 4 Peace (LNP)
  • EDUCATIONAL VIDEO: Teen depression is not funny.  No, seriously, stop laughing.  This isn’t a joke.  (Google Video)
  • SLOGAN: "Scientology Kills" (A Socialite’s Life)
  • PARALLEL: Between living through two years of Middle School and two terms of the Bush Presidency.  (McSweeney’s)
  • OBVS: Daytime TV makes you stupid. (Yahoo! News)
  • STONE THROWN FROM GLASS HOUSE: Josh Hartnett says Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are poor role models.  (Starpulse)

Road Rules Lives!

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According to Reality Blurred, Road Rules will return to MTV. The show, which has been on hiatus for over a year, "is being developed to return to the network in a newly designed format which will allow the viewer to play a role in both competitions and the fate of players via broadband and mobile."

While we are thrilled that one of the early bastions of reality TV is returning to the network, we’re even more excited that Gauntlet/Inferno producers, with their new crop of potential castmembers, can finally retire original Road Rules cast member Mark from their lineup before he becomes a grandfather.

Vote Or Die!

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Not that we’d want to encourage you sabotage a vital and beloved national treasure such as American Idol, but those crazy kids over at Vote For the Worst are doing their darndest to convince the American public to utilize their hard-won right to vote on reality shows to pick the candidate least likely to win – and arguably least deserving of – the show’s coveted title.

Follow your heart.

While You Were Taking a Nip From Your Secret Stash of Work Whiskey

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  • I just had the weiredest dream that I was at a party, but the party was in a sauna and Moby was there and he didn’t have his shirt on. That wasn’t a dream? (blood curdling scream!!!!!!!!)
  • Donald Trump doesn’t think Kevin Federline makes a suitable marriage partner. He talks too much.
  • Star Jones had a brush with death when she got a breast lift. But it was nothing compared to the guy they found underneath it when they lifted it.
  • Tom Cruise loves public displays of affection.  Unfortunately his teenage daughter really doesn’t.
  • Salma Hayek said Colin Farell was a complete gentleman when they shot scenes naked for Ask the Dust. Of course when they were clothed he was a complete d*ck.
  • Jason Alexander had to hawk burgers to make a living before Seinfeld. After Seinfeld, he had to hawk fried chicken.
  • Terrell Owens is following in Shaq’s footsteps and starting a career in rap. If he keeps following those footsteps he’ll hit a dead end.

The Daily Danza Is Back!

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ABC News pulled Tony for the President Bush’s press conference. But you can tell from the half-second that aired that the show was going to be amazing. Who knows what genius we might have missed…

Paul Scheer’s Rockstar Guide to SXSW

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Ever wonder what kind of gift bag a rock star like Ted Leo, Rhett Miller, or Paul Scheer gets at South By Southwest? Well, wonder no more. Watch this video and learn what you need to live like a rock star during the festival.