SIZZLER: Paris Has One Less Friend

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Vemmy_hilton

In an upcoming interview with Elle Magazine, Paris Hilton explains what happened between her and her former best friend:

  • "She cannot stand being around me because I get all the attention and people really don’t care about her"
  • "I’ve been best friends with her since I was two, but when I brought her on to my show, she got very jealous and turned on me for no reason."
  • "They want to do it [The Simple Life] with just me, but we’re both under contract together. She has nothing else so she really wants to do it, but I don’t."
  • "It’s really pathetic that she needs to use my name to sell something because she’s obviously not enough."
  • "She’s not the same person any more. I never want to speak to her again – ever.

That’s right, Paris, f*ck Tinkerbell Hilton! She was just using you– good riddance to her. Now that Nicole, on the other hand, she’s a keeper.

While You Were Loving The Extra Hour of Daylight

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  • Bob_ross
    Hugh Hefner
    has apologized to Jessica Alba for making people think she was in Playboy. Next up, apologizing to men everywhere for making them think that Jessica Alba was in Playboy.
  • Matthew McConaughey has converted vegetarian Penelope Cruz into a carnivore. Her extinction is no longer imminent.
  • Lindsay Lohan, Kate Moss, and Courtney Love are reportedly going on vacation together. Any pictures taken on the trip are expected to double as Before-During-After pamphlets at your local Methodone Clinic.
  • Michael Douglas says men shouldn’t wear makeup. Well, except for actors. They’re special.
  • A videogame based on Bob Ross’ The Joy of Painting is in the works. It’s being marketed to those four of five people out there who don’t find Grand Theft Auto exciting enough.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Pop Goes the Porn Star

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We’ve always known that sex sells, but Adidas is taking that philosophy a step further with their genius decision to cast Jenna Jameson in the commercial for their new Adibrite line of sneakers.  Remember that game at Chuck E. Cheese where the little monsters pop up and you have to smash them down with a big hammer?  Wanna see a barely-covered Jenna do that?  Yeah, I thought so:

Let’s Talk About Sex, Babies

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Donna_martin
March was my favorite month of the year. Why? Because it was Talk To Your Kids About Sex month. Now, even though talking to kids about sex is the reason I’m no longer allowed to visit 8 of our nation’s 50 states, I happen to think it’s an incredibly important thing. ESPECIALLY when you relate it to television characters who’ve lost their virginity on the boob tube over the years. Lucky for me EW is all over it.

Here’s a photo gallery of some of our favorite TV characters along with the tales of how they lost it. And by ‘it’ I mean their virginity. Click below to find out what I learned about TV character sex last month, and what I’ll be passing on to the youth of America next year (if I’m allowed near them, that is.)

[thanks to our pal Worker #3116 for the link]

Read more…

Paul Scheer Rocks The Drop

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Paul
Comedic Mastermind Paul Scheer dropped by The Drop recently and engaged in a little podcasting action. Head on over right now to give it a listen.

If that fails to satisfy your Paul fix for the day, check out his blog. Paul went to Spencers Gifts recently and left with a Die Hard Action Figure and a new outlook on life. Okay, maybe his outlook on life is the same, but buying a Bruce Willis doll has been known to change a man forever. Read about it here.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Natalie Portman’s Japanese Commercial

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Jennifer Aniston isn’t the only celebrity doing commercials overseas. Watch this baffling Japanese ad starring Natalie Portman, not with the bald-head we know and love, but with long lustrous black hair that may not belong to her. Note the scientific explanation of how the hair product works. Does it at all remind you of The Abyss?     (thanks IDLYITW)

Cruse/Lauer 2: Only the Glib Survive

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Tomcruise4_1
In his latest Tom Cruise roundup, Ted Casablancas informs us that Captain Thetan is interested in another round of spirited debate with Matt Lauer.  Will Cruise finally convert Lauer to the path of Scientology?  Will Matt continue being glib?  Could we get the two into a no-holds-barred tag team cage match with post-partum rivals Brooke Shields and Katie Holmes?  Can the world really handle another meeting of these two awesome minds?

There are so many questions, and only time and the MI:3 publicity department will tell…

Is Kenzie Dalton Having the Best Week Ever?

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Nov305b Chad_2

First this One Tree Hill extra managed to nab dreamboat Chad Michael Murray from the clutches of his co-star and now-ex wife Sophia Bush.Then Kenzie Dalton made every pre-teen girl in the country seethe with venomous, near-psychotic envy when she made out with CMM at a charity basketball game this past week. Now the couple are rumored to be engaged, nearly guaranteeing Kenzie a major, reoccurring role on the show.

But after a quick google search we learned that this "18" year old didn’t just get lucky with Chad (OK well she probably did), no, she’s knows exactly what she’s doing. While she’s billed as a model in the press, she’s actually a teen beauty queen with lots of experience beating out other girls to win a prize. Check out her perky Miss Teen North Carolina Contestant photo. That practiced sunshiny smile was bright enough to land her the title of first runner up in the contest. I guess if you can’t be Miss Teen North Carolina, being Mrs. Chad Michael Murray is the next best thing. Let’s see if she can keep that title longer than the last winner.

SIZZLER: Pink’s XXX iChat

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Pink_150

Pop-singer Pink recently shared her secret for keeping the home fires burning while she’s on the road touring: she has sex with her new hubby via webcam.  See, even celebrity spouses are cruising the Internets for porn – they really are just like us!

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Rhcp
    Culture Bully has an mp3 of the new Red Hot Chili Peppers track "Dani California." In case you were wondering, The RHCP still sound like the RHCP and they still love California. Now you know.
  • The Raconteurs album is still over a month away, but here’s another track for you. "Hands" courtesy of People of Paper.
  • I love being Comfortably Dumb. And I love the blog too, thanks to new tracks by Snow Patrol, The Zutons and Morrissey. Also check out The Subways and Robert Pollard while you’re there.
  • Neiles Life posted a bunch Liars tracks today, but if you’re like me you’re going to want to scroll down to Thursday’s update and download some new tracks by The Streets instead.
  • Giant Drag is great, and if you haven’t heard them cover "Wicked Game" or "God Only Knows" yet, today’s your lucky day. Head over to Black Country Grammar now.
  • What did I learn at The Underrated Blog today? That Tom Vek only has one testicle and that the new Stills songs are awesome. That’s enough new information for one day.