This morning’s Regis and Kelly really classed things up with guests Paris Hilton and Janice Dickinson. While we couldn’t really understand Paris’ boring, incoherent rambling, our patented Celebrity Translator was able to fill us in on what exactly she was talking about. Incidentally, when we tried to use the Translator on Janice Dickinson’s portion of the show, it didn’t work because she isn’t a celebrity.

If you’d like to try your luck deciphering Paris without the help of the Celebrity Translator, here’s a clip of her appearance on Letterman last night. See what you can make of it, but it just sounds like gibberish to me.

PROPPED: Seth Macfarlane Is Funnier Animated


Family Guy creator Seth Macfarlane took a break from stealing material to speak to some Harvard graduates. Taintpuncher (great name) Dropped this link to the entire 20 minute speech where Seth assumes the identities of Peter, Stewie and Quagmire. The only thing the speech is missing is random cutaways to interchangable comedy scenes that distract from the poor writing. Besides that, in the words of Peter Griffin, it’s frickin’ sweet. Watch the Peter portion below, then click here to see the rest of them.

Got something of your own you want to pass on? Drop it now!

SIZZLER: Federlines Torture Mel Gibson Into Retreat


braveheart1.jpgMel Gibson is no stranger to torture. In Braveheart, he endured his wife being raped before he was publicly castrated. In Lethal Weapon, his character was constantly beaten and tortured beyond recognition. And he’s the man who brought us The Passion, possibly the most brutal portrayal of suffering ever seen on the big screen. But in real life, living next door to the Spears-Federlines has proven to be too much agony for even William Wallace to suffer. Mel’s selling his house and moving his family somewhere they can be safe from the dangers of gold-digging rapper wannabes and self-destructive pop singers. I can’t really blame him. When you own a 24 million dollar mansion, you shouldn’t have to wake up every morning to the sounds of Kevin’s awful hip-hop and Britney’s tortured sobbing, intermingled with the smells of unchanged diapers and the cheap weed K-Fed’s “posse” is smoking.

SIZZLER EXCLUSIVE: Sheen’s New Girlfriend an Actress?


allen.jpgWe were so happy to see Charlie Sheen moving on from Denise Richards with a new woman who isn’t an actress. At the Fifth Annual Butterfly Ball, Sheen brought his brand new lady love, Brooke Wolofsky a sexy, sultry real estate investor who doesn’t give a damn about the big screen. The couple were cuddly in front of the press and whispered sweet nothings into each other’s ears, presumably about Estate License Laws and escrow.

But because we’ve got Sheen’s back and because Wolofsky is the hottest Real Estate investor we’ve ever seen, we did a little google research and were surprised to find that Brooke Wolofsky bears a striking resemblance to an actress named Brooke Mueller, star of the 1999 thriller Witchouse –a movie about a group of friends hot women who try to resurrect the dead. Mueller more recently had an uncredited bit part in A Love Song for Bobby Long, but in that movie, she went by the name Brooke Allen. Hmmm. We’re not sure if this is the same Brooke as Charlie’s. Look at the pictures and decide for yourself. But if this is the same Brooke, Sheen may not only be dating an actress, but also some one in the witness protection program. Then again, if we starred in Witchhouse, we’d probably change our name too.

Brooke’s Imdb Page

It’s June 13; What’s up?


joe rogan.jpgIt’s Tuesday night, and you know what that means: it’s the night of the Semi-Famous Celebrities and their Somewhat-Popular Shows that Include Their Name in the Title. Hooray! Tonight you have Jamie Kennedy’s Blowin’ Up on MTV, Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List on Bravo, and The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency on Oxygen. If only John Ratzenberger’s Made In America was airing on the Travel Channel tonight my life would be complete.

What else is on? Well, tonight marks the premiere of the new CBS show More Desperate Housewives… I mean, Tuesday Night Book Club, as well as the new season of Fear Factor. This season the producers enlisted a slew of washed-up reality stars to compete, presumably because Joe Rogan was sick of being the least likable person on the show. Beyond that, there’s a new episode of Queer Eye: Vegas tonight and The Real World. What are YOU watching? Vote now!

SIZZLER: Cruising For Converts


tom cruise.jpgAccording to always-reliable Enquirer, Tom Cruise has embarked on a new mission– the pint-sized actor wants to convert Angelina Jolie to Scientology.

The action star personally called Angelina and Brad Pitt in Africa to congratulate them on the birth of Baby Shiloh — and he even invited them to his Beverly Hills home when they return to the U.S., pals say. But before the conversation ended, Tom tossed out the idea of Angie and Brad coming to check out the Church of Scientology.

This is not good. Don’t you see what he’s trying to do?? If he can get the newly born messiah to convert to Scientology, we’ll have no choice but to follow. We’re talking about the all-knowing Shiloh here; what that baby says goes (once she can talk, that is.) Let’s hope Tom doesn’t get his hands on her. We NEED Brangelina to protect that baby… our future depends on it.

ICYMI: The Borat Movie Trailer!


With the possible exception of The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, there aren’t many movies I’m more excited about seeing right now than The Borat Movie. And judging by this trailer, I’m not going to be disappointed:

(via Double Viking)

While You Were Making Babies



  • Orlando Bloom nibbled on Claire Danes’ neck during a Black Eyed Peas concert. He better not funk with her heart.
  • Sex in the City designer Patricia Field and Alec Baldwin knock heads on set of new movie. He refuses to wear a fake flower on his see-through blouse.
  • Religion has come between Britney Spears and Madonna’s close friendship. Of course they’ll still make out in public if it means winning an MTV moon-man.
  • Heather Mills to sue UK tabloid that claimed she worked as a hooker. Her lawyer insists she married for love.
  • Colin Farrell is deeply in love with Lake Bell.Sure is pretty, isn’t that somewhere near Michigan?
  • Paris Hilton disappoints sick kids. But for her it’s just another day on the job.
  • Jack Black and wife have a baby boy. Word is it’s almost as cute as Jack.

Best Night Ever: Monday, June 12th


It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, June 12th! Bob Castrone is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including Hell’s Kitchen, How To Get The Guy, and Saved!




  • OLD TIMER: Suggestive tween pop singer JoJo –who released her first album at 13– is back. And even at 16 she’s still got it. Of course not for much longer.
    (Smart. Read it. Love It)
  • CAREER BOOST FOR GABRIELLE CARTERIS: 90210 is coming to DVD… in England. Then again, the show is in its second season there. (ONTD)
  • STRAIGHT MALE BLOGGER’S FANTASY: Rumor is, Kate Beckinsale is about to be really, really single. (Egotastic)
  • GAY MALE BLOGGER’S FANTASY: Jakey-poo and Ryan Phillippe exercising together gratuitously. What, no Wentworth Miller? (Just Jared)
  • HARDCORE PDA : For Jen and Vince, we’re pretty sure rubbing shoulders=going all the way. (Hollywood Rag)