Sorry Hollywood execs, but Frankie Muniz won’t be starring in your next big blockbuster romantic action thriller. We’re saddened to announce that the 20 year-old Malcom in the Middle star, who happens to be suspended in mid-puberty, is giving up acting for the next couple of years to persue race-car driving.
We know, he would have been perfect as the next James Bond or as a surly but dashing British baron in the next Jane Austen adaptation. Sorry ladies, this bad-boy has only one true love: fast cars (and his retainer –it’s zebra-patterned!)
Whitney Houston has been all over the tabloids these past few weeks, with seperate reports of both her raging crack habit and penchant for sex-toy-enhanced lesbian loving. But who can believe the gossip rags these days? Luckily, CRACKED has gotten their hands on the official press release, a missive from Whitney herself. And you know what? From now on, she’s only getting high on life and free cocaine.
Nelson Walters watched ABC’s Ten Commandments, 24, and Prison Break
OBVIOUS ADVICE: Kevin Federline’s ex-gf warns Britney she better lose some weight or he’s gonna leave her ass for a white girl. (Starpulse)
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND: The Hunter was once The Hunted– Dick Cheney was shot in a hunting accident in the 90′s. You can stop cheering now. (The Huffington Post)
CITY: Denver. Real World 18 is heading to the sunshine state (gorgeous!) (Reality Blurred)
GOOD NEWS FOR GEEKS: Some Playstation 3 videos have leaked onto the web. (DoubleViking)
BAD NEWS FOR GEEKS: Dave Hill is going to make fun of you. (YouTube)
NAME CHANGE: Jack White’s side project The Raconteurs will be known as The Saboteurs down under. The Fosters commercials were right, those Australians really do have a whole other language down there. (NME)
Lindsay Lohan’s next big movie Just My luck stars the actress as a young Manhattan socialite with great luck who falls in love with a hot guy with terrible luck. When the two kiss, they swap lucks ala Freaky Friday, and adorableness ensues.
But if you’re like me, you need more than this lame synopsis of the film to tide you over till the Movie’s May 12th release. Just our luck, I stumbled on a series of Just My Luck film stills and based on every romantic comedy ever made, I was able to predict what actually happens in the movie. Check it out after the jump…
Meredith Vieira, veteran of The View and recently crowned co-host of Today, is the latest in a string of celebs who have bravely come forward and admitted to being abused in the past in exchange for press. Following in the unnecessarily forthcoming, positive publicity-hungry footsteps of Teri Hatcher and Tom Cruise, Vieira claims that one of her ex-boyfriends was in the all-too-common habit of slapping her around then pleading that "he’s sorry and really loves her", once even throwing the future TV star out of their apartment completely naked.
The silver lining is that these experiences have only made her stronger, as she’s now better prepared to handle all the verbal, physical and psychological abuse glib co-host Matt Lauer is preparing to hurl upon her.
Getting caught at a gay club during last night’s episode of The Sopranos is going to be the least of Vito’s worries once this video gets out. Check out this piece from the Best Week Ever archives– we’re going way back to 2004, when Vito Spatafore was caught giving another guy… um, how can I put this gently?… in the words of Paul F. Tompkins, a "Mouth Hug." Enjoy this blast from the past (no pun intended).
Hubba Hubba. Danza’s got some pinch-able pecs.
What do Chi McBride, Bebe Neuwirth, and Christian Finnegan have in common? Well, Chi starred in Boston Public, Bebe played Lillith on Cheers (which took place at a bar in Boston), and Christian used to get beaten up by kids in school who wore Boston Red Sox hats. So there’s that.
Oh, and there’s one more thing: They’re all going to be on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson tonight. So make sure you TIVO that mofo. It should be wicked fun.
Check out some more Christian Finnegan media here.