The Most Sexually Frustrated Island in the World

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A humble suggestion for the writers of LOST:

Last night when I was watching the show, something occurred to me: nobody on the island seems even remotely concerned about sex.  Sure, there was the Sayeed/Shannon thing and all sorts of painfully unfulfilled sexual tension between Kate and Jack and Sawyer, but I find it strange that sex is never even so much as implied or alluded to on the show.  These people have been stuck on that island for months now with nothing to do, and I’m sure that some of them have to be pretty hard up some for some lovin’.  I haven’t seen such a sexless collection of "mystery solvers" since Scooby-Doo.  Hell, even the "others" have to kidnap children, which leads me to believe they’re either without women or saving themselves for marriage.

Since they insist on stretching their plot points out for million years, what the show really needs is a total horndog character to provide a comedic/romantic subplot about their unending quest to bone everybody on the island, leaving all that "mystery solving" to Locke and company.  Hurley’s eating problems are boring – why not make him a raging sex fiend?  Or maybe Samantha from Sex and the City can crash a hang-glider and get stranded or something.  Quit it with all this "secret maps and mystery" gobbleygook and get to the real action!

At least Sun is getting laid.

SIZZLER: RCA In Denial About Clay Aiken

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Piper posted something about RCA and Clay Aiken. But RCA has attempted to put out the fire by putting this message on their website:

Attention Clay Aiken Fans, a non-confirmed release date for Clay Aiken’s upcoming LP was accidentally posted this past weekend due to an internal mis-communication. Clay is currently in a studio working hard on his pending album. Title and release date are TBD. Sorry for the confusion!

I’m not buying it for a minute. I mean, what does "TBD" mean? And oh, he’s "working hard" huh? Wink, wink. And what about that code word "confusion"? What else are people confused about? Don’t be fooled. Clay Aiken loves rollercoasters, and it scares RCA.

The Semi-Racist Local News Report That Shook the World (Wide Web)

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By now you’ve probably already seen the now-famous "Leprechaun Sighting" video somewhere on the Internets, and had a hearty chuckly at just how wacky those below-the-poverty-line people can really be.  But who knew what a pot o’ gold of attetion this little bit of viral video would actually get?

There’s the explanation of the "sighting".  The many, many t-shirts commemorating the classic sketch.  The music video remix.  The MySpace profile.  And of course the follow-up news report in which the action news team ponders the awesome power of this magical new invention called "the internet".

(some of these links provided by the Thighmaster)

SIZZLER: RCA No Clay-mate

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According to Jossip and lots of achin’ Aiken fan sites, the American Idol winner has been dissed by RCA Records as a result of some nasty rumors that won’t go away. This past weekend, the company posted information on Clay Aiken’s upcoming album listing a June 20th release date. But today, the website has removed all mention of the album release.  One can only speculate that RCA is losing faith in the singer. Perhaps it has something to do with all that probing gossip about Aiken’s preference in extra-curricular activities. But why is it any of our business whether or not Clay loves…roller-coasters?

Worth 1000: Celebrity Sideshow

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The subhead of this Worth 1000 photoshop contest is "what if celebrities were sideshow freaks?" What if? I guess that means Janice Dickinson was out of the running. Zing!

Anyway, check out these cool photoshops of freaky celebrities. My favorite? This Kiefer Sutherland one. And the Two Headed Paris Hilton, because it begs the question: how much dumber would Paris Hilton be if she actually had to share a brain. I can’t even imagine.

Check out all of the entries here. Which one is your favorite?

Parental Control: TV Is Dirty

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Did you know that According to Jim is filled with references to masturbation? That Freddie featured a conversation about pubic hair? That a character in Girlfriends spent most of his time searching for a setting in which he could provide sperm to impregnate his lesbian sister’s girlfriend? You would if you visited the Parents Television Council’s website. In addition to letting you know which shows are appropriate for children (and which companies sponsor objectionable programs), the site gives you advice about how to get the Disney channel but not MTV and how to avoid the "worst cable content of the week."  Want to know what your night would look like if you followed their recommendations? Here it is:

  • 7 PM: The Most Extreme  (Animal Planet) Some animals deceive their prey.
  • 7:30 PM: Unwrapped (Food Network) Take a look at some refreshing snacks.
  • 8 PM: The Luck of the Irish (Disney Channel) When a young teen begins to turn into a leprechaun he must find a gold charm that will protect his family.
  • 9 PM: The Planet’s Funniest Animals (Animal Planet) Animals doing humorous things are caught on tape.

And then it’s straight to bed! See their entire list of "red light" shows after the jump…

Read more…

SIZZLER: Naomi Campbell Arrested!

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As of 12:20PM today,  Naomi Campbell was locked in a cage. The dangerously hot-tempered supermodel is currently behind bars at the Midtown North Precinct in Manhattan after being arrested for allegedly assualting her assistant.

This morning at around 8AM, Campbell reportedly threw a large object at the head of her 41 year old assistant. Her assistant was then taken to Lenox Hill Hospital and Naomi was taken to jail. This is the third time the model’s been accused of assaulting one of her assistants.

Reps for Campbell claim: "We believe this is a case of retaliation, because Naomi had fired her housekeeper earlier this morning. We are confident the courts will see it the same way." Huh?
It’s not bad enough she hits her assistants in the head with blunt objects, now she makes them clean her house too?  That’s worth 20 years in the slammer right there.

LISTEN UP: Your Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Our boy Stereogum goes totally ape with the indie rock, posting 50 – yes, 50 – songs from all about the Internets.
  • MOKB has three of the new Liars tracks (though you’ll have to wipe off Pitchfork’s love juices yourselves).
  • Your Standard Life does it’s best to fight facism – with music!  Check out the Billy Bragg jangles.
  • Music Glob (get it, that’s ‘blog’ backwards!) plays some ball with the Sound Team.
  • The Rawking Refuses to Stop refuses to stop rawking the Guillemots.